To wonder if it's possible to raise a child with no support at all?

[blackberrypicking]

From extended family and so on.

Or is it a recipe for disaster?

How many weeks pregnant are you?

Which makes me feel bad.

About one year's worth? Don't.

Combust22 of course its not ideal scenario how many single parents do u think are in that position through choice? When you plan children in a relationship you think they will always have two parents but life doesn't work like that. Just remember anything could happen to your "ideal scenario" you just don't know. Have some empathy for those many who don't live in an ideal world

Okay - £111 won't pay my mortgage though.

Is a mortgage break a possibility ? I know someone who did that so they could they could have a stay at home parent for a bit. Not all mortgages would allow that - but some do might be worth approaching them.

If you do want to go back fairly quickly - now during pg is the time to look at childcare options and costs.

Where I had my pfb - nursery places had to be applied for during pg and they didn't take DC till about 4 months - well that what the other mothers said. My Dsis in another area found getting a nursery place much easier - and she had much more choice.

Round here there is a shortage of childminders - so getting one is hard. So childcare is very variable in different locations.

You'd also need to look up what help you'd get on your income with childcare costs.

Is there any one in RL a friend maybe or a some kind of counselling service you can access to help you talk through all your options ?

Maternity pay works out as approx £150 a week? Including child benefit.

I can't afford to spend more than a month with that I couldn't pay the mortgage

In your mind, could you treat it as 'maternity leave' and have a plan to return to work if possible?

No, it's not ideal. But often things in life aren't.

How about tax credits?

You would get tax credits with a baby on that income.

BBP: Most babies won't sleep through (and by this I mean for about 5 hours) until at least 16 weeks: If you go back to work after a month you will be knackered. Consider bottle feeding for less night waking as they sleep longer. I BFd but do see the practicalities of bottle if you need the sleep.

After I had YD I was quite ill and in hospital for an extended period. I had parental help at this point but there was also help avaiabale in the form of credits to pay a childminder to come to our home to help my Mum out for 9 hours a day.

Engage with your neighbours, with the local community, and with any other Mums you meet during your antenatal tiime. Offer to help them out and store up enough goodwill that you don't need to feel awkward when you need help too.

Becasue of being in hospital after YD was born I know that I could not have coped without help then. I was still married when ED was born but I could have done that on my own.

If you can find a way to be out of work for that initial night-waking period then it is definitely doable: powerful, rewarding, amazing....but not simple, not easy, definitely challenging.. Good luck with your decision.

That would mean working up until the day you give birth, which may not be possible

I gave birth early to pfb - and took some weeks of full time office temp work offered last minute - so I was working a full days few days before giving birth.

My Dsis employer pretty much made her finish and take ML about a month earlier partly as she had so much ill health during the pg.

So you can't assume how long you can work for really.

Plus if you end up having a c-section it's 6 weeks before you are supposed to drive and it's major surgery and recoveries times vary - you may not be fit to work.

There is really no way to tell before hand how things will pan out.

One thing to consider, looking into your contract, is that you're not legally allowed to return to work before a fortnight after birth. I wonder how zero-hour contracts deal with that?

kew- you don't know what the OP wants. yes Combust thats why I said "if its what you want"

Even adopted children have two biological parents yes they had. DS has a dad for about as long as it took the sperm to travel to meet the egg and a biological mother for about 30 mins. How is that relevant they aren't legal parents and have no emotional, practical or legal input into raising a child.

I think I must be confused about what you are trying to say. Are you saying that there should not be single adopters or single parents through donor conception because it isn't ideal?

blackberry - i wasn't comparing you to me. I was very lucky to have my mum locally and so certainly I wasn't alone. Upthread I said I knew single parents who had absolutely no family support which is true. Absolutely none. Both have managed and developed a new support system around the parents of their childrens friends and local neighbours.

First you have to decide if you want to manage. If you do, then you will have to work out how.

I get working tax credits (Aprox £150 a week because I earn bugger all practically) and child benefit at £20.50 pw. 70% child care costs will be paid. Your figures might be different but I wanted to give you an idea.

I think the question is, if money and support are there (hypothetically) would you want this baby? If the answer is yes, then we can help you try and be practical. If the answer is no, well you have made a decision from the heart and can start putting things in place there too.

It's scary being where you are now, I have been there and ran the same sums through my head. I am wishing you all the best

Thanks I agree it's scary. I wanted to train as a nurse but can't do that with a new baby. And I'm just not sure what I want. But I do appreciate replies.

And I'm just not sure what I want - thats tricky you might have to keep thinking and talking about it then.

Can you take a lodger to save up a bit of money in advance? Or host foreign students?

Not long term but anything you can save now to cushion your leave would help.

Tax credits will top up your income to a certain amount. I am not sure of the figure but someone here will know.
How old are you? Do you have friends locally? Any with kids?

No I live in a 1-bed flat

And I work crazy hours I guess I'd have to find another job but it's just not well paid in my line of work.

I'm raising 2 dd's in a one bed! They have the bedroom I sleep on a sofabed - it's cozy! I do ask them if they want to move out of London to a bigger house but they love living here. Eldest is 14 and brings her friends around and stays in the bedroom, dd2 is 9 and plays with her friends in the living room, I'm usually in the kitchen so we make it work.

www.gingerbread.org.uk/factsheet/13/Money-for-higher-education-students

Longer term - studying might be possible - this group seems quite good for advice about stuff like that and general information for single parents in other sections.

Might be worth a look for general information about being a single parent while you consider all your options and decide what you want to do.

Don't worry about 1 bed just yet, ds slept in same bed as me anyway until he was 1, and to be honest even now at 2.5 he spends more time in my bed than his own.

I think OP's 1 bed comment is in relation to questions about taking in a lodger or hosting foreign students, not a concern directly about a baby...

that's right.

I was on my own with ds 1 for three years until I met dp. I had family but they all lived 200 miles away so no regular support from them. It's amazing though how much support you get from friends, so many of my lovely friends would help out and I couldn't of done it without them. You just have to take people up on offers of help and not feel guilty. There were some lonely and tough times (I had very little social life outside work) but nothing that mattered to ds. I think it's possible, you will need to put yourself out there and get a good network of reliable friends and if you work you'll just have to except you'll be using a lot of external childcare. My ds did a longer day at nursery than I did at work and I used to feel so guilty but he honestly hasn't suffered! He's a very happy, sociable 12 year old now and we have a very special bond. I should mention ds 1's dad was not involved, he gave me no support at all.

And I am a nurse, I managed to work shifts as a single parent. I had a very good employer who let me do set days. When on an early ds would start nursery at 7 and I'd pick him up at 3. If on a late shift I had two good friends who would have him until bed time (there are some child minders who will do this too). I didn't do night shifts, however I was lucky to have such a good employer who was prepared to be flexible. It took a lot of planning but somehow I managed.