To wonder if it's possible to raise a child with no support at all?

[blackberrypicking]

From extended family and so on.

Or is it a recipe for disaster?

I know this might sound crazy, but unless you are a really staunch atheist, could you consider joining a church? If you find the right one you will have a ready made community of people who will be more than happy to help you out. No one will quiz you on what you believe.

We don't - having lived here for five years we don't have anyone to ask for an overnight emergency - actually we probably do have one elderly couple we could ask but we wouldn't because of their deteriorating health although we might if it wasn't in the middle of the night and the alternative was social services.

I thought that, right up to the one time I needed an emergency op. In the event, an offer was forthcoming from a family I completely trusted but never would have asked (parents of DCs friends I'd known for several years, but not 'my' close friends IYSWIM). It is easier if you can possibly stay in one place as a single parent, as you do build networks, almost without realising.

The good times outweigh the bad times I find.

Yeah I do know that daisy, but say I got ill and needed to be admitted to hospital, what then?

I went in to hospital for 3 weeks when my youngest was 3 - Luckily I had made some nice friends who happily took my 2 girls in and between a few neighbours managed to take them to school and bring them in to see me every afternoon after school.

You do learn to adapt and live with whatever your situation - worst case would be the hospital would call SS and your children went to a foster family, but if you can start building a support network around you - good luck!

It's always good to reciprocate when and if you can.

Yes this.

The people who helped me out in the odd tight spot have been people I had previously babysat and covered schoolruns for. Reciprocate in advance, definitely

Raising any child, even with help, is difficult.

Raising a child with no help at all is obviously even more difficult - but lots of us do it!

The first few months will be very tricky, until you get into a routine. After that, I recommend you get out to as many mother & baby groups as you can, to build up your circle of friends. It's very easy to make friends if you have a child, as long as you put the effort in & invite them back to your place for a cup of tea etc.

The worst thing is when they or you are ill, as you just have to hunker down at home and cope with it yourself. At least these days you can get online supermarket deliveries, so you won't starve. For very serious illnesses requiring hospital stays, I have found that most hospitals let single parents (& small sibilings) stay overnight. I've been in situations where I've needed to take one child to A&E in the middle of the night, with no-one to take the other DCs, so have had to wake them up and take them too. It's not ideal, but you do what you have to do.

Juggling work and children on your own can be very difficult. You may find you end up changing careers, or only working PT. You may well get child tax credit and working tax credit though, to help fill the gap.

The main thing is - do you want the baby? If you do, you'll find a way to make it work.

I did it with my first. SAHM, live overseas, no family close by, and husband who works long hours. I developed an autoimmune condition when DS1 was ten months, and managing a baby and that was horrific. I got a mother's helper for DS23 hours a day, 4 x a weekand it is brilliant, especially when my health falters and it's a chore taking care of myself, let alone two tiny kids.

We do it. My family all live abroad, dh has family in this country but they are elderly and an 8hour drive away so can't call on them in an emergency. It's perfectly do-able, although when I got pregnant with ds we did have to get an au pair in to help (as I was suffering from horrendous morning sickness).

There are some positives to being this independent from family - I have no pressure on me to parent 'their' way, no hideous mil stories, etc

On the down side, it can be bloody hard work and dh and I haven't been out for a 'date' night together without kids in 4 years

You can have extended family and find out they aren't at all willing to help even in emergencies - and the middle of such an emergence is the worst time to find that out IME.

We found friends and acquaintances were much wore willing to actually help.

On a practical level, as an entirely solo parent, you get into the habit of keeping very full cupboards

When my DH started working away I found this - also to have a stash of emergency money -few trips to A & E when not bad enough to need ambulance but mid week by myself and no car not having to worry about having cash or get hold of cash to pay taxis was a help. Only happened a few times and I have 3 DC.

Having stuff you can just feed the DC when you are sick is useful to - as is on-line shopping if you don't. My DH hasn't always been able to be around when I was very ill with flu and chest infections - easy meals and cbeebies got us through ( and baby proofing so I could nap safely).

Despite having a DH - I was worried pre birth of pfb and when she was young about the responsibility - about it being me and her most of the day - all the what ifs. I got past it and found it's fairly normal response.

Getting out and meeting other parents - even if they don't become friends - best way to build a support network.

The chances are you'll meet people during maternity leave. Most people do - you put yourself out there, go to groups, meet people online etc. It's a nice thing to do during maternity leave anyway. And then you realise at the end of the 9 months/a year that you have made friends nearby. I knew nobody when I moved to our new town pregnant, so made an effort to meet people. It's a bit hard at first but it's worth it.

And then you do have back up in an emergency. No one who is even vaguely nice would say no to having your child in an emergency. Even little things like being ill - you might be able to ask a friend to have your DC for a few hours while you recover. I would do this in a heartbeat for a friend I knew had no family or DH to help them.

People in general are nicer than you imagine they would be.

I've been on my own with ds since pregnancy. My family situation is fraught and I don't count on them / see them. I retreated into myself when I was pregnant and moved, so lost a lot of friends too.

It is hard - the hardest thing I've ever done. But you manage and I would do it all again a million times over to have my ds. He is amazing and worth all the moments of "I can't do this"

I am an anti social cow but I forced myself to goto play groups Etc and church, I mentioned to a lot of people that I was on my own and didn't know any one. People watch out for you and you build up relationships. I was so happy the other day when I walked to the shops and spoke to 2 neighbours, the shop keeper have ds a free lollipop and the hairdresser we use tooted at us as she drive past - I felt there was a community around us that had sort of happened by accident.

I used to be paranoid, utterly terrified, that I would die in the night and no one would find ds for days. The thought of him hungry In his cot crying made me talk to the neighbours and give them a key just in case.

I always have frozen bread, milk, £30 for an emergency, calpol, tampax etc.

How are you feeling about the pregnancy? You can make this work if you want to, there are lots of us that have

My work colleagues did my washing for 2 weeks as machine had broken & they put meals in my freezer,

I went for lots of walks, walked around the supermarket a lot to get out,

Now we go swimming, art group, library etc, when we feel like it, not set days.

Work have given me a late start and have been fantastic.

The childminder is absolutely fantastic, she has been so fantastic with my baby.

I got carried away with fantastic

At fantastic

To be fair, when something works and makes life easier, it is hard not to enthuse isn't it?!

If I don't work I don't get paid (zero hours) simple as.

I don't know. I would only be able to take a months ML.

Have you looked at Maternity Allowance?

Have you checked out the full details of your statutory rights to ML and pay? I'm not an expert at all - someone else will be - but I seem to remember something about needing to be off work for X weeks after the birth for health and safety reasons.

I have been doing it for 8 years. I don't have a partner, ex contributes nothing. No grandparents on ex's side. I have a very dysfunctional family and no contact with them. We have a few good friends but nobody is supporting us.

The upshot is dd is an amazing, happy and mature child. She's doing very well at school, she's at the top - gifted and talented. We are very best freinds. I manage a nearly full-time job (4 days). I have learnt to be extremely organised. DD goes to nursery before and after school. We own a home. We have lots of hobbies and interests. We have plenty of holidays. We both have a good social life, although I never really get a night out. Life is good, but also hard work and the only thing I would really like to change is where we live.

www.entitledto.co.uk/ is a good calculator for working out tax credit entitlement etc.

Any possibility of getting permenant hours somewhere? Maybe PT?

I did! 3 DCs, left abusive ex and moved to a new area (my old home town). DCs were 10, 8 and 7. My parents were elderly and likes their own life, they lived 15 miles away and didn't see us much. My siblings live in other countries and again we're not close. My old friends had their own lives and younger families. So it was just me and the DCs.

I worked around their hours, scrubbing toilets or freelancing stuff. Their sperm donor would see them for a couple of days every 3 months.

You would be amazed at who would help you. A mum of a friend of DS1 would chat at the school gates and would offer to pick up or drop off if I ever needed. A neighbour 3 doors down would also offer. So even though I was alone and would panic if I was ill, I 'knew' there was always someone around.

6 years on and my DCs know how hard I worked to feed and clothe them, they appreciate so much.

You can do it, it's scary, you need ground rules, you need them to be always honest with you and you need to spend hours just talking to them, to make them feel secure and to build them as people.

Are you sure youy wouldn't get Statutory Maternity ?

www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave/eligibility

To qualify for SMP you must:

earn on average at least £111 a week
give the correct notice
give proof you’re pregnant
have worked for your employer continuously for at least 26 weeks up to the ‘qualifying week’ - the 15th week before the expected week of childbirth

Otherwise Arsenic's right Maternal allowance exists - I claimed it as I changed jobs mid pg - as contract ended at start pg and could only get pt temp work during pg.

Child benefit and child tax credits would kick in upon birth as well - not much but some income.

Oh yes good point Hexu

Me and my partner have no family or friend support, we are 6 years in. It's hard, lonely (oh does 12+ hour days 6 -7 days a week). We had hospital once, which was basically me on my own whilst oh had little one at work. Then when I was back at home I was useless and little one did a lot of iPad, cbeebies (not ideal).

yummytummy-

"Combust22 what if you didn't have any choice but to parent alone what if husband left and you were left a single parent? Some people don't have the luxury of choice and just have to deal with it."

Absolutely. And many of these parents do a brilliant job of raising their kids.

It's no ideal though. It takes two to make a baby and ideally two comitted parents to raise that child.
We have to do what we need to in our circumstances, but I would never choose to raise a child alone.= It may happen of course but not the ideal scenario.

It's no ideal though. It takes two to make a baby and ideally two comitted parents to raise that child.
We have to do what we need to in our circumstances, but I would never choose to raise a child alone.= It may happen of course but not the ideal scenario.

Not very supportive combust.

Are you going to start praying over the OP?