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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should hold your child's hand.

128 replies

Pistone · 05/10/2014 18:50

When I'm out and about I constantly see mothers with very little children trailing behind. Mother often on mobile or chatting to friend walking beside her. The dangers to the child are horrendous, even crossing the road the child is free to do whatever. What is wrong with these women. Keep hold of your child FFS.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 05/10/2014 18:53

I agree. I see this all the time. Only the other day I was driving along when I saw a boy no more than 2 years old standing on the kerb by himself. Obviously I slowed down in case he stepped out. The mother was ambling along about 20 metres down the road from him.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 05/10/2014 18:55

My eldest son (4.7) runs ahead of me at times when we're walking along. This is because I trust him not to run into the road. DS2 (2) might walk next to me not actually holding my hand but never more than an arm's length away.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2014 18:55

YANBU

My neighbour apparently has a 'hand refuser' Hmm

Just hold their hands fgs. If they kick up a fuss, they'll soon learn it gets them nowhere.

LadyLuck10 · 05/10/2014 19:00

Oh yanbu, just this morning I saw a random child on a scooter just standing there. I looked around and couldn't see anyone turning around looking for him. Then a couple who I had past suddenly starts walking towards me, calling for him. Yes in sure if he scooters onto the road which he was close by they would be crying for sympathy. Some people are just so irresponsible ffs.

Bulbasaur · 05/10/2014 19:00

Depends, if you're within grabbing distance it's not a big deal. I don't see many parents holding their children's hands around here. But they aren't running feral either. They're sticking pretty close to their mothers.

Near road and streets though, yes, keeping an eye on them is a must. I had a 4 year old start wandering towards traffic until I hooked my finger into the back of his shirt collar to keep him there. He's a bit older and needed the gentle physical reminder to stay on the sidewalk.

MidLifeClitoris · 05/10/2014 19:00

I think it's 8 or 9 until they get some road awareness isn't it? Ds is holding my hand till then, one of my biggest fears is him getting run over.
Saw cctv pictures of the scenario you describe, mum walking ahead with friend, little boy stepped into the road and was killed.

RubyGoat · 05/10/2014 19:03

DD is 2.4 & is a bolter, although she will intermittently hold DH or my hand. So she is on reins, always.

madamginger · 05/10/2014 19:03

Yabu, I have 3 kids and only 2 hands. I have taught them to walk safely and to not run off. My youngest just turned 4 and would never run onto a road because he knows better.

QueenofKelsingra · 05/10/2014 19:08

YY to madamginger I have 3 under 4. the 4 year old I trust, he knows about traffic. the DTs (2) are also very good and I allow them to walk freely as long as they are close to each other and to me. when we cross the road from our house to the car DS1 holds a DT in each hand while I play 'rear guard'.

I do however grab hold of shoulders/hoods etc if I hear cars coming at speed.

teaching your child road safety is much more sensible than having them blunder along oblivious holding your hand.

CatsRule · 05/10/2014 19:10

I have a wee boy who often refuses to hold my hand. When safe in a park that's fine but near a road he is often lifted kicking and screaming...he is 2 with no danger or road awareness. I often get looks but I'd rather he was safe than not offend others' ears with his protests.

Yanbu!

Original poster
Pistone · 05/10/2014 19:12

Madamginger.....I often see very little children trailing very far behind the mother who seems oblivious to where they actually are. I'm not talking about a group of well behaved children walking beside an alert attentive mother.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 05/10/2014 19:16

My youngest just turned 4 and would never run onto a road because he knows better.

Please don't be complacent.

plantsitter · 05/10/2014 19:17

Pistone I suppose it's only mothers, then. Bloody mothers.

I didn't insist on holding hands once I was confident they wouldn't run off and would stop at the road. We live in London. Very early training.

VermillionPorcupine · 05/10/2014 19:19

teaching your child road safety is much more sensible than having them blunder along oblivious holding your hand

The two are not mutually exclusive. You can still teach your young child road safety whilst holding their hand near roads to keep them safe.

TarkaTheOtter · 05/10/2014 19:21

Dd is 2 and walks next to me (non kerb side) or just in front. She holds my hand to cross roads but I don't insist on it otherwise unless the pavement is narrow or she's mucking around.

VermillionPorcupine · 05/10/2014 19:22

I am 99% sure my 4 year old wouldn't run out now. I still hold his hand near busy roads though. Why is it worth the 1% risk? It's not hard to hold their hands.

MidLifeClitoris · 05/10/2014 19:23

Another newspaper story, a 6 year old girl leaving a party with her mum and her dad was parked across the road. She ran straight across and was killed.
People saying they trust their 4 year old are incredibly foolish.

Mammanat222 · 05/10/2014 19:26

My DS didn't like holding hands for a bit, so I bought a back-pack with a strap I can hold onto (reigns essentially lol) but job done!

ShadowStar · 05/10/2014 19:29

YANBU.

I use reins for DS1 (3.1 yrs) when I'm out with both him and DS2 because I find it hard to manage pushing DS2's pushchair and holding DS1's hand properly both at the same time. DS1 is getting better at sticking close to me and not (trying to) bolt off, but he's not got enough road sense to be trusted to walk alone. Just this morning he tried to lunge into the road after a toy DS2 had thrown out of the pushchair.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 05/10/2014 19:31

I agree. There is one woman at my DC school who allows her JUST turned 3 year old to run out of the school playground and onto the path next to a very busy road ALL THE TIME, I just despair.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 05/10/2014 19:34

DD1 would not hold hands, but was perfectly happy on reins.

Actually not for roads, from 2.5 or even smaller she stopped at roads, but because she vanished in shops.

DD2 held hands, which was just as well because she had no road sense whatsoever.

MardyBra · 05/10/2014 19:35

There is a poster on MN who often comes onto threads like this. Her child didn't have reins on, bolted into the road and was killed. I can't remember the exact details but it is harrowing. It only takes a second of inattention.

ShadowStar · 05/10/2014 19:36

Oh, and as for "my 4 yr old wouldn't run out"....

A colleague told me about a road accident he was in when he was 11 yrs and just about to start secondary school. He thought he saw his uncle on the other side of the road, so ran across to talk to his uncle. Right in front of a car. He said that he was in hospital for several weeks with a fractured skull and broken leg, and that the only reason he survived was because the driver had been going at 20 mph. And you'd expect a typical 11 yr old to have more road sense than a typical 4 yr old.

theonlygothinthevillage · 05/10/2014 19:36

I am also constantly bothered by this. But I completely sympathise with responsible parents who have a good idea about their children's road sense and make a judgement call, or who have more children than hands.

What really gives me the shivers is seeing a parent striding many metres ahead of a child who is no older than 2.

atticusclaw · 05/10/2014 19:36

My friend let her DS run ahead or race ahead on his balance bike when he was two. It is a steep him on a very very busy road I love her to bits but don't understand why she would take the risk.

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