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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should hold your child's hand.

128 replies

Pistone · 05/10/2014 18:50

When I'm out and about I constantly see mothers with very little children trailing behind. Mother often on mobile or chatting to friend walking beside her. The dangers to the child are horrendous, even crossing the road the child is free to do whatever. What is wrong with these women. Keep hold of your child FFS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pistone · 05/10/2014 19:37

plantsitter......don't quite know what you mean sorry, "you suppose it's only bloody mothers" ??? well yes that is who I'm talking about, you know the stupid ones, the ones who don't seem to give a frig what their kids are doing. Maybe a few "bloody" fathers as well if it keeps you happy, but none that I've seen. It seems to have annoyed you that I've witnessed some "stupid" mothers?

OP posts:
AnotherStitchInTime · 05/10/2014 19:37

The amount of times I see young children on scooters miles from there parents astounds me too. Me and two others stopped a 3 year old from whizzing into the road the other day. He was so far ahead his dad (pulling younger child on another scooter) couldn't even see him.

Then there was the mum walking 25m in front of her dd while talking on her phone, the dd looked about 18 months old Shock

ElephantsNeverForgive · 05/10/2014 19:38

Claphands I'm certain mums at nursery despaired of me.

I ended up having to ban DD1 racing off down the path, because she stopped at the end of the path, but other DCs copied her and carried on into the turning circle.

MrsDavidBowie · 05/10/2014 19:39

Yanbu.
I almost ran over a small child who bolted out in between parked cars. Luckily I was going about 12 miles an hour.
The father was about 4 shops down, on his phone.
I got out of the car, and went bloody mental at him. He was oblivious.

biscuitsandbandages · 05/10/2014 19:40

4 and 6

If they walk in front of me or next to me and come back when I call they dont have to hold hands or the buggy.

If they dont want to hold hands they know I still own wrist straps and baby reins and arent completely confident that I wouldnt make them use them on the school run Grin

Sundaysmumisfullofwine · 05/10/2014 19:42

my mother still instinctively goes to hold my hand when I'm walking with her and we cross a road. I'm 34.

[/misses point of thread]

aintnothinbutagstring · 05/10/2014 19:42

My friend is like this, a very well educated sensible woman but she allows her dc (3yrs) to run away from her, literally miles ahead near very busy traffic. My heart is literally in my mouth along with onlooking bystanders when we see him do this. I think she see's holding hands as crushing his spirit. My dc have always been badgered to hold mine or daddies hand (yes it not just a 'mother' thing, dads can be careless too). And I don't care if they want to, they have to, whether it crushes their spirit or not.

And yes, my dd is 6yrs, we talked about how dangerous cars are (as in walking out into them), I said if the car was going fast enough it could kill a person, she absolutely didn't believe me. So it just goes to show that even older children don't 'get' that being hit by a ton of metal actually can cause real harm.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/10/2014 19:43

Yanbu.

I cannot understand the thought process of anyone who thinks a 2/3/4 yo is trustworthy and responsible enough to run on ahead (or be out of arms reach) because the believe they are are road aware. Its stupidity

Alicebannedit · 05/10/2014 19:44

I would automatically take my DD's hand when crossing the road until the day she turned to me and said gently, "mum, you don't need to hold my hand any more, you know". She was 12 Grin

Original poster
Pistone · 05/10/2014 19:45

midlifeclit I read that terrible story! stayed with me for ages. In the summer the little girl across the road ran out from behind the ice cream van, got hit by car, thankfully not seriously hurt, aged about 8. You can never be complacent with kids and roads.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 05/10/2014 19:50

I was leaving a relative's house recently and as soon as we got out the front door my two year old yanked his hand out of mine and ran away, straight across the garden and into the road where he stood laughing. It's often busy, and that bit is on a blind bend too. I feel sick as I type this, visualising him there. It was only for a couple of secs until I caught up with him and thankfully there were no cars but a few seconds earlier or later and I dread to think.

OP, yanbu.

VermillionPorcupine · 05/10/2014 19:52

I walked out in front of a car a few months ago in my work car park. I was texting and just stepped out without thinking. As it was the car park the car was going at 10mph so managed to stop.

Even an adult can have a lapse in concentration around cars. To have 100% faith in a young child is stupid. An interesting cat/ball across the road, a friend calling to them...that's all you need.

starlight1234 · 05/10/2014 19:56

My Ds in reception walking up the road ran out into the road to get to a friend he saw across the road.. fortunatley there wasn't a car near. It shook both of us up. I didn't really expect it at his age and normally he does even now (7) hold my hand to cross the road. Kids are impulsive and young ones even more so

catsbabyandchaos · 05/10/2014 19:57

Depending on the height of the parent/child there is a point where holding hands can be very uncomfortable especially if you're struggling with shopping or multiple children.

With toddlers I'd opt for reins.

With older children, I do think you can trust them to a certain extent to be sensible. I don't advocate it necessarily but I was walking alone to school at 7 and had a couple of busy-ish roads to negotiate then, and that was a different time but still I think children understand roads equal danger.

Original poster
Pistone · 05/10/2014 19:59

I knew a woman years ago who actually witnessed her 12 year old ds run across the road because his friend was on the other side. He'd had all the benefit of road safety from his school but unfortunately that didn't save him. Absolutely heartbreaking. I still drum it into my grown up kids much to their annoyance.

OP posts:
ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 05/10/2014 20:09

Alice I read once that the actress Samantha Morton went to meet the young woman who'se MOther she was playing in Control...the film about the band New Order...and the young woman said she was moved that as they crossed a road together, Samantha Morton took her hand as if she were a child.

TheReluctantCountess · 05/10/2014 20:11

I agree with the op. Ds is nearly 8 and I still hold his hand to cross the road or walk across a car park. Better safe than sorry.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 05/10/2014 20:12

i totally agree i think children only get road safety at 9 or something, mine is sensible but still in fairy land half the time

SecretNutellaFix · 05/10/2014 20:22

yanbu, op.

Just 6 weeks ago I was waiting to cross the road when a grown man in his 50's ran out from behind me and got hit by a car in front of me. He was very badly hurt, but as far as I know has survived.

He was an adult, should have known better. How anyone can trust a small child not to run into the road is beyond me.

ProudAS · 05/10/2014 20:35

I remember my gran grabbing my hand to cross a busy road when I was 17. Never found out whether she was scared for me or for herself!

skylark2 · 05/10/2014 20:37

I think you should do something to ensure you're in physical control if they do something daft.

For me and my kids, that was reins. I got raging backache holding a toddler-height hand all the time, they both have sweaty hands which slipped out all the time anyway, and they loathed not having both hands free.

There were times I insisted on holding hands (getting on a train or bus for instance) but just walking down a pavement, reins worked a lot better.

Lilicat1013 · 05/10/2014 20:55

My son refuses to hold my hand so I got reins, simple. I just wouldn't risk it. It is only recently I have allowed my eldest son off reins (he is autistic) but he has to hold the pushchair or be right next to me at all times. I like to be close enough to grab his clothes if necessary. He doesn't run off any more but he has no sense of danger and would see no reason not to walk right out in to a busy road.

Siennasun · 05/10/2014 20:57

YANBU
I have a 'hand refuser' (never heard that phrase before but that's what he is)
It's not really possible to make him hold my hand. I've tried reins but he just lies down on the floor as soon as he's restricted. I end up carrying him a lot which is not great for my back. He's nearly 2 so not sure how much longer this will be possible but hopefully as he gets older he will understand better why he has to hold my hand near cars.
I see lots of parents with very young kids out of reach on scooters and bikes near to busy roads and I don't understand why they risk it.

vdbfamily · 05/10/2014 21:02

Our school is happy for kids to arrive at school independently from KS2 aged 7. My kids have been walking/scooting/cycling themselves to school since they were 7 years old,although we see them over the main road this end. The only time there has been a problem was when I was walking with them one time and a motorist decided to drive through the middle of them all at a pedestrian crossing as she had failed to notice a red light,2 adults and 4 kids. We all survived,just, but I think we have to work to make our kids street wise and not constantly wrap them up in cotton wool. I am currently stuck at home with a broken leg and will be non weight bearing for over 3 months. I am very thankful that my kids can get themselves too and from school safely aged 8,9 and 11 otherwise I would be very stuck at the moment! Accidents can happen at any age and some kids are put in danger by distracted parents but I am happy to accept someone saying their 4 year old is streetwise because mine all were at that age.They had to walk along a main road to pre-school and school every day from the age of 3 and also lived on same main road. They knew if they so much as stepped off the pavement they would be in alot of trouble with me and they learnt quickly.

ihaveadirtydog · 05/10/2014 21:03

yanbu. My 5.5 yo still holds my hand next to busy roads and my 2 yo is only ever holding hands or in a buggy by any road - he cannot be trusted one little bit.
On a similar vein I was shocked to see another 2 yo running around next to the canal today - parents well out of grabbing distance. Having seen a scooter sink very quickly into it's murky depths a few weeks ago there is no way my ds would be free range there either.