To think you should hold your child's hand.

[Pistone]

When I'm out and about I constantly see mothers with very little children trailing behind. Mother often on mobile or chatting to friend walking beside her. The dangers to the child are horrendous, even crossing the road the child is free to do whatever. What is wrong with these women. Keep hold of your child FFS.

because we see a snap shot of peoples lives

you may have seen me with ds stopping off he looks and always has looked younger than he is and made this judgement

has your child always done as they are told never suddenly let go and bolted great if that is the case but I have not come across (apart from on mn) where parents have always had total control over their children at all times in public

and really if you are concerned why not say something, of course some parents at times get caught up in a conversation, putting money in a parking meter, answer their phone

I guess it makes you feel much better coming on here declaring that you are a better parent than others you see and sadly so many are quick to follow usually putting in some parenting advice for those that are not quite so good as they are

Talking in the phone? No, never - I'm usually running after him, weighed down with bags, water bottle, swimming kit etc shouting "slow down DS2!" Ineffectual maybe, but definitely not complacent.

Dd has always been very good at following the rules so at about 4 she was allowed to walk ahead of me but within sight in our village. I believe at 8 she's pretty sensible but I wouldn't be happy for her to cross the road through our village that has the 'invisible' zebra crossing. I've banged on cars that swerved round me whilst I was on it.
Ds is nearly 4. He has to hold my hand. I trust him no further than I could throw him. We practise where appropriate but I don't think he can walk ahead on a road with any traffic

Freudian....... Why are you taking everything to heart as if people are judging you. I'm not on about kids who might bolt off and mothers struggling to control them. I'm on about people I see who do not give a toss about the safety of their kids otherwise they'd be paying attention to them instead of their phones or mates or whatever. I'm not perfect, no one is but all I'm saying is, put the child's safety when out and about before anything else. Why would you have to be perfect just to do that.

I think YABU - I think parents are usually capable of assessing danger and whether hand holding needs to be implemented. I think letting your child have freedom is an important part of their development - saying you trust them to do things on their own. Of course it depends on the situation - eg car park (hands), busy road (hands probably), playpark (no hands probably) etc

I have a daughter of 3 and she is pretty streetwise when it comes to roads. When I say streetwise, I mean she would stop before crossing the road. I wouldn't trust her to cross.

I'm guilty of this. I have taught DS (3) not to run ahead, and we've been for walks purely to teach road safety, and we have chats about it, yet every morning on the school run he still darts off. He nips around people so I can't get to him quick enough.

He does wait at an agreed spot but still, it's not safe, anything could happen, if a car mounted the pavement or driver didn't see him - it's just not worth the risk.

Back in the buggy he will go.

So YANBU - it's not always clear cut, but I agree that it can become complacent and it's also not fair on drivers with small children running near roads.

Zippy I'm prepared to be told iabu but you just said I was but then you agreed with what I said as in busy roads(hands probably)? err so you are agreeing with me then. But why hands only "probably"? are there instances when a small child should be allowed to trail behind unsupervised?

I am not I said that you could have come to that conclusion why I or every mother I have known has had their child bolt off

or as I put have been distracted and they have walked off

like I said if you are that concerned why not mention it

I think the vast majority of parents can make judgements for their own children and I am sure at times all parents have become distracted for what could be a very short amount of time. I am well aware that something could happen in that times but it happens, well to parents I come across in rl

People that say their children would never bolt in the road are the same type of people who say their dog would never bite, and are then flabbergasted when the obvious happens.

It's not the fact that their children haven't done it, it's the fact that they trust their children won't do it and become complacent and too trusting when watching them near the road. It's a false sense of security, and a stupid one at that. You watch even your "street wise" there's no such thing btw children and hold their hand or keep a physical reminder to make sure they stay put.

Children don't understand risk assessment, that's why they need competent parents to assess it for them. I've seen grown adults wander into the street because they were absorbed in their cell phones or just darting in front of traffic because they couldn't wait for the cross walk. Trusting a child to not dart out in the road is just playing with fire.

I can't even imagine having to watch your child die in your arms like that, and in the most painful and worst way imaginable. All from something that is very preventable.

'Those kids are going to be so much safer and aware than the ones wrapped up in cotton wool until they are at university.'

A naïve generalisation. One boy, age 9, met his rapist and murdered on the tram as he was riding alone there. So did another child his age who was travelling on his own to meet a friend.

Sorry, the child was not murdered on the tram, but met his murderer there.

Sorry but no.

I still don't get 'hand refusers' and 'buggy refusers'

Being a wilful toddler is normal. They lash out, they throw tantrums, they stage a pavement 'sit in' Lol (fond memories of that!)

But if you let them call the shots at such a young age, I really don't fancy a parent's chances during the years after that.

It's hard work...very very hard work showing a toddler you mean what you say and there is no compromise, but seriously it's work well worth putting in and pays dividends for all the years after.

You can beg and plead with little Johnny to do what Mummy says...you can explain the reasons (that will fall on the deaf ears of a 2yr old) or you can just stand your ground and get on with it, for their sake and for everyone else's.

No-one said having kids is easy, but seriously the PFB 'negotiators' quickly become the 'Oh ffs just do as you're told', once the second/third/fourth child enters the scene.

moominmarvellous I totally identify with that, it's happened to me loads of times, in fact it probably happens to loads of mums, especially on the walk to school. These aren't the ones I'm on about though, it's the ones who let their kids trail really far behind and don't pay any attention to them. There's the difference.

oh lord its a supernanny psychology lesson

time to make hot chocolate

Freudian I haven't been going on about a child who "bolts off" or one that maybe managed to slip away when mum wasn't looking. I know what kids are like, that doesn't make that mum a bad mum, I'm on about the sort who gives her child no attention at all while she's either on her mobile or chatting to her mates while the the child is the last thing on her mind. "If I am that concerned why don't you mention it"..... well I am doing, on here, so hopefully it might ring a few bells with the ones it applies to.

Oh I accept on occasions I probably did play with fire slightly with DD1 and traffic.

Risk assessments are part of life and sometimes you are not going to agree with other parents judgements.

Unless on reins (not really practical every second of everyday or at preschool) DD1 either obviously ran ahead or quietly and silently vanished. At 16 she's still a nightmare to go shopping with. She simply lacks the social awareness, stay with your parent, carer, group gene.

She's happy in her own company, you could tell her off, but it didn't mean anything because she'd no idea she wasn't where she should be.

Xpost soap I got interrupted.

I totally agree some parents aren't paying attention.

And yes some of us were paying lots of attention and getting totally exhausted and fed up of never finishing an adult conversation without having to see where DD1 had wander off to this time, what she'd found to fiddle with or what she'd climbed up.

DD2 was an utter revelation, she held hands, she likes people, she stays where she's meant to be and is aware of who she's with.

If you lost her in someone's house, you didn't worry, she'd be in their DCs toy box, not something adult and totally unsuitable like her big sister.

YANU. I literally saved a toddlers life a while back. Her dozy Ma was holding a pram and chatting on her mobile at the lights. Little girl, hand unheld, wandered round the back of her and was about to step out in front of a fast moving car when I grabbed her just in time, and yelled at her shocked looking mother, (being shocked myself). What is wrong with these people??

Just because they dont doesn't mean they wont

It's the "it won't happen to me " mentality. The child who drank bleach had never done so before. The Child that drowned had never gone near the pond before. The one who got killed on the road had never run off before. Millions of tragic examples.

I'm with worra on this. I am in charge and if I say you hold my hand then that's what you do. No negotiation.

My own child got knocked down on his way to school when he was 8 - on a very safe route that he had been walking alone on for a year.

Anyone who thinks a child under 6 is street wise and safety conscious is delusional!

I let my children walk in front of me when they were small and they've both made it to their teens without being run over. dd was always happy to hold hands when asked, ds less so. I found that picking my battles meant that when they really needed to hold on to me they did. Oh and ds as a toddler could (and did) tantrum for a good hour or so about things like holding hands. I could have chosen to sit him out, and sometimes we had to, but on the whole it was something I avoided when possible. When they were small I used a buggy and sling and then a buggy and buggyboard so I'm probably talking 3+ or so.

The thing is that there's a big difference in approaches here - if DS is refusing to hold my hand in a dangerous situation I do take charge - he gets carried or put in a buggy (often kicking and screaming). However on a very quiet road, I don't think it's being negligent to let him walk alongside me not holding my hand, with my full attention on him. If he goes ahead he gets told off and restrained, he has to do 'nice walking' That is a world away from letting him run ahead whilst I chat to someone, or even allowing him to walk along beside me on a busy road which again I wouldn't do.

I just don't fancy rocking up at A&E with a child with a dislocated wrist having to explain I did it whilst showing him who's boss on a road where there's 1 car every 5 mins.

I saw a friend hit by a van whilst crossing the road....she tumbled through the air like a rag doll and I will never forget it...She didnt die but was severely injured and still suffers the consequences to this day . Crossing the road only yesterday with my 17 year old I took hold of the back of his hoody...he just tuts but knows about my 'phobia'...I am a nanny and am very strict about hand holding...one of my 2 yr old charges who refuses to hold his Mums hand, has no choice with me...I am still taking the buggy most places and its either hold my hand or the buggy...there is no way on this earth that I let my 3 DCs (with all the tantrums that caused) or other peoples DCs be un restrained by a road..I agree OP I often see Mums on their phones or chatting with their small DC running behind them....sad and so dangerous

Dd is a past attempted hand holding refuser.

She used to kick up a right fuss. I just don't understand the mentality where people would then not hold a toddlers hand. Who is the parent?

Amazingly I manage to make her hold my hand without physically damaging her and I'm not even mother of the year! And now she just does it.

Letting something go on that isn't safe just to avoid a toddler tantrum is just lazy.

I don't think it's fair to call people 'perfect' parents just because they keep their young children safe by a road