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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming with SIL?

277 replies

CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:24

Last year we (DH's extended family) tried to get together and have a family picture taken. We could never work it out due to scheduling, so this year we started working on it in August.

A photographer in our town runs a special through today, a really good deal where she takes group photos in a local park, which is nice because the trees are all in full autumn colors.

We (DH's sister) and I find a date that works for everyone. SIL#2 (married to DH's brother) was a bit cat's bum mouth at it being outside but agreed. SIL1 and I said thataybe everyone should wear brown, white, and blue in any shade or pattern as it would coordinate, plus everyone has jeans, khakis l, etc. Everyone agrees.

There is MIL and FIL, DH and me and 2 DCs, SIL1 and husband, SIL2 and her husband (DH's brother), and their 2 DCs, and SIL3 (DH's other sister) her husband, and DD.

So we get this all arranged, send out emails with dates and times, etc. It's all settled.

On Thursday we get a snippy email from SIL2. "What day is pictures? Where are we meeting? What are we wearing again?" despite this being communicated several times. SIL1 replied with directions and a map and again said brown, blue, and white.

So this morning dawns bright and early. We get ready and go to the park, where evertone except SIL2 and BIL are wearing various casual clothing in (you guessed it, brown, blue, and white.)

BIL is wearing a black shirt. SIL2 is wearing a black long sleeved T-shirt with Harley Davidson in red letters. The two DC (9 and 7) are wearing teal and black Under Armour hooded sweatshirts.

I've seen an advanced proof of the pic and it looks ridiculous. It looks like they just wandered in to some random family's photo.

Also we broker into separate family units for pictures and they refused saying "oh we got one for the church directory, it's good enough."

I think it's completely passive aggressive of them and if they didn't want to be in it, they should have just said so.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
diddl · 07/10/2014 08:56

It would be nice to do it again when there are new additions.

congratulations btw.

I actually think that their daughters colour "lifts" it all a bit.

I think the guy on his own in the white stands out.

Yours is "toned down" by your scarf & son iyswimGrin

Doesn't help that the other guy is highlighted by the sun!

RiverTam · 07/10/2014 08:56

goodness, it looks fine! They stand out less than the people in white!

LauraChant · 07/10/2014 09:01

My only thought on seeing that picture would be "gosh, they really like brown tops in that family". It looks fine to me.

But I would find being told what to wear in a picture bonkers, because I would want to wear what I felt most comfortable in, and also I would prefer a picture of family where they were wearing what they usually wore, eg if my nephew always wears band T-shirts it would seem odd to see them in a teal sweater. Or vice versa. Not saying this applies in your case as you sat your SIL has previously told people what colours to wear, so it is obviously A Thing.

MokunMokun · 07/10/2014 09:26

I think it looks fine too. The woman sitting at the front on the right has a very dark top on too so it sort of balances out. I also think the brown jumpers together look stranger.

But for me I'd be happy with that picture. Our family portrait was beyond awful with everyone looking in different directions. I wish we had a nice one like that!

Bogeyface · 07/10/2014 09:53

The kids look nice but Ma and Pa definitely look like they CBA and just chucked on sweat shirts, its the logos that do it for me, they just dont fit.

Babycham1979 · 07/10/2014 09:57

WTF?! Is this an American thing? I can't imagine anything worse than being told what colour clothing to wear for a cheesy family photo. I can't blame them for coming in whatever they wanted to wear.

Is this the kind of cringey family photo that gets blown-up, framed, and put up over the mantelpiece?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 07/10/2014 09:59

Yes on all counts BabyCham :o

I don't blame them for wearing what they want either. I blame them for saying yes that's fine and then doing the opposite.

OP posts:
Babycham1979 · 07/10/2014 09:59

Sorry OP, I didn't realise you'd actually posted the picture!

Theyall look fine. I'm sure it will look lovely over the mantelpiece!

LoonvanBoon · 07/10/2014 10:00

If the SIL & her DH were wearing brown tops too, it really would look very brown. Like our family photos from the '70s - though we never had a formal one done!

Littlegreyauditor · 07/10/2014 10:09

I honestly think they look fine! It doesn't look like one of those matchy- matchy photos I get every Christmas from my American relatives (everyone in exactly the same jumper, everyone in head to toe red, everyone and the dog dressed as elves, wearing forced smiles, and my absolute favourite, a kind of nativity scene with everyone in brown kneeling round the wife of my cousin, who is resplendent in white and clutching a baby. I can never figure out if they are very subtly taking the piss or not).

If anything I think the black works better than the bright turquoise coat on the wee girl in the middle on the left...

It looks like a family photo. I think it is obvious to you because you are pissed off with your SIL, but it's not as if everyone else is in identical outfits and they aren't. It really is a whole hodge-podge of clothes and colours.

PlumpPartridge · 07/10/2014 10:15

I live in the UK and we had a photoshoot - I gave careful thought to not having any stripes or jarring prints as I thought it would be better. I also took care to dress my two DSs in distinct yet complementary colours, so they wouldn't merge into one.

I get where you're coming from cheerfulyank Grin

In fact, fuck it - here they are.

[image removed by MNHQ]

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 07/10/2014 10:19

Oh that's cute Partridge! :)

OP posts:
PlumpPartridge · 07/10/2014 10:36

Thanks cheerful it may just be the socially appropriate response but I'll take it Grin

FruitbatAuntie · 07/10/2014 10:41

Yes, I see what you mean, OP! V passive aggressive IMO. How did you not say something (rude) to them?

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 07/10/2014 10:52

That doesn't look nearly as bad as you made it sound -- it would be really easy to maybe darken down the teal slightly (as it does draw the eye) and edit out the logos or at least tone them down. Offer the photographer a retouching fee and he/she will be able to sort it out (or if you have the digital file get permission from him/her and I could do it in ten minutes for no charge).

diddl · 07/10/2014 11:54

Aw, don't mess with the teal, she looks lovely!

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 12:05

You're wasting your time posting that photo Cheerful... to the UK eye it looks fine. Mostly UK family photos look like there's been an explosion in an Oxfam shop so we are all now going to coo over what looks to us like a cute family photo!

JubJubBirds · 07/10/2014 12:08

Grin @ 'mostly UK photos look like there's been an explosion in an Oxfam shop'.

JubJubBirds · 07/10/2014 12:17

Such a cute photo partridge.

Yours is cute too yank, you and your DS look so lovely! (I don't think you should worry about it but I agree your SIL was B a bit U with her attitude. )

I know you said you also broke off into family groups for photos, are you pleased with yours? And out of interest because I'm terribly nosy were they more natural a la partridge or were they in the same style as the large group photo?

Bambambini · 07/10/2014 12:25

Actually, a lot of recent family pic themes have stuck to certain colours. We did and it looked lovely (red white and blue with everyone in jeans. Another friend had her whole family (grandparents, aunts, nephews and nieces etc) in white and denim - again it looked lovely.

I'm sure in years it might look a bit dated and naff but it's not uncommon at all.

Bambambini · 07/10/2014 12:32

Just seen the pic - don't think it's as bad as you made out but I probably would have rolled my eyes as it couldn't have been hard for them to find something that fitted.

SirChenjin · 07/10/2014 12:39

It doesn't look as bad as I'd been expecting, but it's just pettiness on their part. If they hadn't wanted to be in then they should have just said - do they always make a big show of not conforming to the norm ?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 07/10/2014 14:42

I know Kew but it didn't seem fair not to! :)

Jub they're posed but we're standing. I haven't seen them yet.

Chenjin not necessarily for non conforming but just sir being difficult/odd overall, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 07/10/2014 14:43

Just *for

OP posts:
WineWineWine · 07/10/2014 17:28

I honestly don't know what the problem is. The photo looks lovely. The one that stands out the most is the girl in the teal top, but that matches the colour scheme you wanted anyway.