to be fuming with SIL?

[CheerfulYank]

Last year we (DH's extended family) tried to get together and have a family picture taken. We could never work it out due to scheduling, so this year we started working on it in August.

A photographer in our town runs a special through today, a really good deal where she takes group photos in a local park, which is nice because the trees are all in full autumn colors.

We (DH's sister) and I find a date that works for everyone. SIL#2 (married to DH's brother) was a bit cat's bum mouth at it being outside but agreed. SIL1 and I said thataybe everyone should wear brown, white, and blue in any shade or pattern as it would coordinate, plus everyone has jeans, khakis l, etc. Everyone agrees.

There is MIL and FIL, DH and me and 2 DCs, SIL1 and husband, SIL2 and her husband (DH's brother), and their 2 DCs, and SIL3 (DH's other sister) her husband, and DD.

So we get this all arranged, send out emails with dates and times, etc. It's all settled.

On Thursday we get a snippy email from SIL2. "What day is pictures? Where are we meeting? What are we wearing again?" despite this being communicated several times. SIL1 replied with directions and a map and again said brown, blue, and white.

So this morning dawns bright and early. We get ready and go to the park, where evertone except SIL2 and BIL are wearing various casual clothing in (you guessed it, brown, blue, and white.)

BIL is wearing a black shirt. SIL2 is wearing a black long sleeved T-shirt with Harley Davidson in red letters. The two DC (9 and 7) are wearing teal and black Under Armour hooded sweatshirts.

I've seen an advanced proof of the pic and it looks ridiculous. It looks like they just wandered in to some random family's photo.

Also we broker into separate family units for pictures and they refused saying "oh we got one for the church directory, it's good enough."

I think it's completely passive aggressive of them and if they didn't want to be in it, they should have just said so.

AIBU to be upset?

From an outsider's perspective, I think it's pretty funny ... Why would you think blue, white and brown coordinate with autumn leaves?

Glad you liked the tea

No, those other things just make it sound like she has issues - not with you in particular, though I can imagine she might feel terrified you'd expose her children to animals, kidnappers, or khaki clothes. I feel for your BIL! Not to mention the kids I mean, my parents were extremely weird but "You can't go and play with Jenny because we haven't had every last minute out of your babysitter" would not have featured even in their list of peculiar vetoes!

Mim we assumed most people would wear jeans. So probably not too many blue tops, more brown and white. It does look nice! Though my DH and one of our BILs are both sitting up very stiffly as they were each trying to control a cranky toddler and then having to snap to and smile. :) We actually considered just saying "autumn colors" i.e. brown, orange, red, yellow but thought that might be too difficult.

I wish I could post it! I think I could figure out how to post it in the thread but I don't feel exactly comfortable with that. I'd post it in my personal pictures for a short time but I can't figure put how on the mobile site...I can't even see my pictures!

Mimi - blue for the sky, white for the clouds, brown/khaki for the leaves - what's the problem?

I want to see!

Regardless of whether you agree with the concept of the coordinating outfits, SIL was wrong to agree to it and then show up in the "wrong" colors. If she didn't like it or wanted to pick the colors herself, she should have said so.

I wish you could, Stef! I'm sure you'd tell me I was being silly, but I'm used to that around these parts. :o Does anyone know how I can post it to my profile?!

From this thread I've deduced that I'm unbearably twee, but possibly forgiven as this is how Americans of a certain region are. (I also hang seasonal wreaths on my front door and am planning a Pinterest inspired baby announcement, just to put a further nail in my coffin. :o I draw the line at a "gender reveal", however!) But I have not necessarily BU because it's not on to say you'll do something and then not.

Also I am possibly a bit control freak-ish. (Freakery?) Or maybe SIL is.

But apparently some of you think I am nice even so. I'll take it! :o

A friend from HS posted pics from her family's photo shoot on FB today - her, her husband, and their five children ages 2-18, all in coordinating outfits. I don't think most Americans would think twice about matching. It's pretty much expected here.

I love Pinterest, BTW.

YANBU - even if you don't like it surely everyone compromises now and then to keep the family harmony??!! And it was a nice thing for your MIL, it was a deliberate dig to prove something.... My guess is she's pissed off that she wasn't in charge and the setting/colours weren't her idea!

My MIL has arranged a family photo shoot for us all, much as it does make me cringe, I shall dress us all in matchy matchy clothes and go and smile and buy a photo as it will make her really happy and I care about her.

Oh, lord, Cheerful, of course YANBU. I can be a pretty contrary woman, and I am not particularly fond of this kind of photo, but being American, and add to that Southern American, I have been in more of these, and even organized a few (at the request of my mother and aunts) than I would even know where to begin to count. The most recent was four generations dressed in khaki bottoms and white tops holding hands in a long line on the beach (and I will not post the pic).

We even have them at work; we do pictures each year of our teams and we are usually asked to color coordinate what we wear.

But, oh Keatsie double denim; I am not sure I could do that.

YANBU. I am not American but I like these sort of photos. My family did one of my DC and DGC ( it was a surprise) and they coordinated their outfits . They looked great x

Its hilarious tbh!

I am seeing the funny side of it Superstar. :o Still, given cultural norms, it was a bizarre thing to do and I'm going to speak to SIL1 about it.

I'm on the UK and have done some family pictures, mainly for the outlaws or DM/DF. The photographers either advise co-ordinating outfits, ie similar colour tones or contrasting colours for the "modern portrait" (their words, not mine). So not as twee or it's just an American thing as you think.

Oh - and YANBU. SIL had time to say no plus it was something being done for MIL specifically. She should have raised objections before, or sucked it up then quietly had a word about outfits.

Also the colors were chosen to tone in with nature's autumn colors, which sounds lovely to me. Sounds like SIL and family were being contrary just for the hell of it.

Have you asked them why they dressed like teenage EMOs contrary to the agreed scheme?

I would be "contrary just for the hell of it " too.

And very pissed off at being told what to wear.

So combust rather than just say "I don't like those colors" or "I don't want to match even though I dress my DC in coordinating outfits for other pictures and this is our cultural norm" you'd agree and then show up in something else on the day of? I just don't understand that level of passive aggressiveness.

Strikeout fail!

Oh I would tell her straight- no passive agression here. It would come as no surprise to her.

Well that would have been better! :)

From a feminist point of view given that your husband's brother is the one whose family actually wanted the photo and i presume he would have been aware of any discussions why is non-blood relative SIL getting the blame for what everyone wore just because she is female? Why isn't BIL getting stick for not having got his family in the appropriate colours?
If my husband's family were having a photo I'd expect him to be principally dealing with it. If he decided we should wear different colours or didn't get the kids sorted in appropriate colours I'd be pissed off if I got the blame just because I'm female.
Give the men some blame.

2rebecca I totally, 100% agree. However as I said up thread more than once she said to please email her with all communication regarding this and she would let BIL know.

So how do you know it was SIL and not BIL who "flouted" the dress code?

Because he wouldn't have dared. :) They are very into their "traditional" roles and as far as family things and what they wear, what their kids wear etc, what she says goes.

Please, for the love of the Mumsnet Philosophy and all that is holy, won't someone explain to CheerfulYank how to post the picture, either on the thread or on her profile?

Pleeeeease!