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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming with SIL?

277 replies

CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:24

Last year we (DH's extended family) tried to get together and have a family picture taken. We could never work it out due to scheduling, so this year we started working on it in August.

A photographer in our town runs a special through today, a really good deal where she takes group photos in a local park, which is nice because the trees are all in full autumn colors.

We (DH's sister) and I find a date that works for everyone. SIL#2 (married to DH's brother) was a bit cat's bum mouth at it being outside but agreed. SIL1 and I said thataybe everyone should wear brown, white, and blue in any shade or pattern as it would coordinate, plus everyone has jeans, khakis l, etc. Everyone agrees.

There is MIL and FIL, DH and me and 2 DCs, SIL1 and husband, SIL2 and her husband (DH's brother), and their 2 DCs, and SIL3 (DH's other sister) her husband, and DD.

So we get this all arranged, send out emails with dates and times, etc. It's all settled.

On Thursday we get a snippy email from SIL2. "What day is pictures? Where are we meeting? What are we wearing again?" despite this being communicated several times. SIL1 replied with directions and a map and again said brown, blue, and white.

So this morning dawns bright and early. We get ready and go to the park, where evertone except SIL2 and BIL are wearing various casual clothing in (you guessed it, brown, blue, and white.)

BIL is wearing a black shirt. SIL2 is wearing a black long sleeved T-shirt with Harley Davidson in red letters. The two DC (9 and 7) are wearing teal and black Under Armour hooded sweatshirts.

I've seen an advanced proof of the pic and it looks ridiculous. It looks like they just wandered in to some random family's photo.

Also we broker into separate family units for pictures and they refused saying "oh we got one for the church directory, it's good enough."

I think it's completely passive aggressive of them and if they didn't want to be in it, they should have just said so.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
AnAwfullyGoodOxymoron · 04/10/2014 20:31

It's a little less 'stepford' when people wear their own normal clothes/styles, don't you think?

It's quite rude of them tbh, but I couldn't get that worked up about it really.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 04/10/2014 20:31

Yes. Telling people what to wear is controlling and out of order. Actually, it's weird. If she'd agreed then fine, but telling them is wrong.

Starfishiecloverhv · 04/10/2014 20:31

Family's ay

No really advice, except let it go. They will look like the idiots at the end of the day, and in the future don't invite them :)

Whereisegg · 04/10/2014 20:33

Get the photographer to photoshop their clothes if it bothers you that much?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 04/10/2014 20:33

And then commenting on how 'if they don't want to be in it' is PA and manipulative. I'm sure they wanted to be on it, they were there. You sound really hard work.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:33

She did agree.

We did it for our MIL, btw, not me! I hate being in pictures! :)

We said brown blue and white so that it wouldn't be stepford ish but would coordinate :) I think photos look odd when they are either exactly the same (say, white t-shirts and jeans), or totally uncoordinated.

Everyone else looks great. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:35

Pmsl I was waiting for "you sound hard work".

It was her email that led me to believe she didn't want to be in it.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 04/10/2014 20:35

Good grief. I thought my sil was a control freak but yku take the gold medal.
Do your extended family normally dress in matching clothes? No, didn't think so, so it would hardly be a realistic family picture.

Sparklyblue · 04/10/2014 20:36

I think that everyone should just wear what they like, sorry but I think yabu a bit.
Is there history of her being awkward for you to react this way?

Smartiepants79 · 04/10/2014 20:38

Hmm I don't think they handled it very well and were a little rude, as you say if they had objections the should have mentioned it before the day.
However it all sounds a little over organised and twee to me.
If my extended family started organising what I had to wear I'd find it a little weird.
They are within their rights to wear what they choose but if they had issues they should have spoken up, not spoil it on the day.

HeySoulSister · 04/10/2014 20:40

sounds like deliberate sabotage there op!!

yanbu

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:40

Tbf we are American and tweet photos are a way of life. :o

Also we had a photo taken of just the grandchildren last year and she insisted everyone where black and gray so I do feel this was a bit U of her.

I don't know why she just didn't say no when we talked about colors.

Thank you Starfish! Wink

OP posts:
MissBlennerhasset · 04/10/2014 20:40

I don't think you sound controlling, OP. I wouldn't like to wear matchy clothes either, but I get that it's for your MIL's sake and sometimes you have to suck it up. Your SIL should've been upfront with you instead of deliberately sabotaging (maybe too strong a word!) the picture.

BellaVita · 04/10/2014 20:40

Telling them what colours to wear? Sheesh that would so wind me up.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:41

Twee, not tweet! :)

That's how I feel SoulSister. It was supposed to be a nice photo for our MIL, who wanted a professional, coordinated picture. It looks bonkers.

OP posts:
theonlygothinthevillage · 04/10/2014 20:42

I can see both sides. It obviously meant a lot to you but I can see why SIL and BIL weren't into it. I wouldn't welcome being roped into a group photo and told to wear a uniform. It could be that they weren't happy but went along with it out of consideration for your feelings. Wearing the family uniform could have been a step too far for them. It certainly would have been for me. I bet the photo doesn't look nearly as daft as you think.

Zippyandbungle · 04/10/2014 20:42

Honestly genuine non PA question but are you American. I just dont know anyone who does the extended photo thing and wondered if it's a thing I'm missing.

magpiegin · 04/10/2014 20:42

I can't imagine someone telling me what to wear for a family photo. That's really strange and a petty thing to be 'fuming' about.

sangfreude · 04/10/2014 20:42

I love the idea of all wearing coordinating colours! My family would never have a bar of it. Sad well jel!

MissBlennerhasset · 04/10/2014 20:43

You've been around a while, CheerfulYank, I'm sure you knew as well as I did that you'd get lots of 'you're a control freak' replies to this OP!

Zippyandbungle · 04/10/2014 20:43

Sorry cross post. I'll back out now.

awsomer · 04/10/2014 20:43

Regardless of what we all think of coordinating vs non coordinating clothes it does sound pretty annoying of her to agree to it and then wear the exact opposite style clothing.
So I think YANBU.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:43

It wasn't "everyone wear a white polo and jeans". It was any shade of those three colors in any pattern. Stripes, argyle, whatever!

Everyone else was casual and no one
"matched" but we look like we're supposed to be in the same picture. They look distinctively out of place.

OP posts:
Stratter5 · 04/10/2014 20:44

YANBU.

I've seen the photo, it's a gorgeous group photo, and a lovely thing to do for your MIL. Your SIL/BIL, however, stick out like a couple of sore thumbs. At least the DNs have been artfully placed, and you can't really see what they're wearing.

Scholes34 · 04/10/2014 20:44

I'm off to a big family occasion next weekend. I haven't been able to process any information about what's happening when because it's next weekend and I've this week to get through first. Perhaps your SIL has lots on her plate too. However organised you might be, it's often not the same for others. Well done just for getting everyone together in one place.