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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming with SIL?

277 replies

CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 20:24

Last year we (DH's extended family) tried to get together and have a family picture taken. We could never work it out due to scheduling, so this year we started working on it in August.

A photographer in our town runs a special through today, a really good deal where she takes group photos in a local park, which is nice because the trees are all in full autumn colors.

We (DH's sister) and I find a date that works for everyone. SIL#2 (married to DH's brother) was a bit cat's bum mouth at it being outside but agreed. SIL1 and I said thataybe everyone should wear brown, white, and blue in any shade or pattern as it would coordinate, plus everyone has jeans, khakis l, etc. Everyone agrees.

There is MIL and FIL, DH and me and 2 DCs, SIL1 and husband, SIL2 and her husband (DH's brother), and their 2 DCs, and SIL3 (DH's other sister) her husband, and DD.

So we get this all arranged, send out emails with dates and times, etc. It's all settled.

On Thursday we get a snippy email from SIL2. "What day is pictures? Where are we meeting? What are we wearing again?" despite this being communicated several times. SIL1 replied with directions and a map and again said brown, blue, and white.

So this morning dawns bright and early. We get ready and go to the park, where evertone except SIL2 and BIL are wearing various casual clothing in (you guessed it, brown, blue, and white.)

BIL is wearing a black shirt. SIL2 is wearing a black long sleeved T-shirt with Harley Davidson in red letters. The two DC (9 and 7) are wearing teal and black Under Armour hooded sweatshirts.

I've seen an advanced proof of the pic and it looks ridiculous. It looks like they just wandered in to some random family's photo.

Also we broker into separate family units for pictures and they refused saying "oh we got one for the church directory, it's good enough."

I think it's completely passive aggressive of them and if they didn't want to be in it, they should have just said so.

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
Giraffeski · 04/10/2014 21:37

I need to see the pic to judge this one.

Pooka · 04/10/2014 21:38

www.rounds.com/blog/awkward-family-photographs/

This makes me hoot.

DeWee · 04/10/2014 21:39

The thing that strikes me is that if you had given that as a stipulation for our family we'd have mostly needed to get new stuff in.

I do have a blue dress-it's a ball gown and I haven't worn it in 15 years so it might not fit. I did once have a brown jumper but it was eaten by moths. I have a second blue-ish dress, but it has big pink and red flowers on it, so I suspect you wouldn't have liked it.
Dh has navy trousers. If you wanted him to wear a blue t-shirt he can, but you have the choice of the one with a large hole in it he uses for messy jobs, or one with a large (yellow) motif on it.
Dd1 does not have anything brown, white or blue except her school uniform jumper or her guides top. She would refuse to wear either.
Dd2 would be okay. She's the only one of us who wears jeans, and she likes blue so she'd have a choice of various blue tops.
Ds has a couple of beige t-shirts, although both have large pictures on. He has some blue shorts, and some Chelsea football tops. So if you were happy with bright blue football tops he'd have been fine.

So when you're thinking it's stuff that's easy, it wouldn't have been for us.
Add to that, that's the sort of detail that tends to slip my mind until I arrive and think "Oh heck, I forgot". Smile

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 21:44

I understand that DeWee. :)

However I have seen them in these colors before, and I actually did have to go out and buy a few things for us. It didn't occur to me to mind.

Also they have more money than the rest of us put together and could have gotten blue shirts at Wal-Mart for two bucks for all I cared. :o

It's common here to get new clothes for pictures, though you always get things you'll wear again.

OP posts:
hmc · 04/10/2014 21:51

If I was your SIL I wouldn't even show for the photo - my hackles would be raised by the clothing dictat

EveDallasRetd · 04/10/2014 21:51

I find that really surprising DeWe. I would have thought that Browns (beige, sand, choc, russet, fawn, cream) Blues (baby, pale, denim, royal, indigo, navy) and white (patterned or plain) would have been the easiest colours for most people.

What colours do you have a lot of?

Now red, yellow, orange, purple, pink would have been near impossible for me.

DeWee · 04/10/2014 21:58

We have a lot of red, yellow, purple, pink and black(dd1). Grin

Also a lot of our stuff is patterned, so it would depend in whether you were happy for other colours to be in the pattern. Problem is that if everyone is wearing blue, and you wear a blue dress with (small) yellow spots, those spots can really draw the eye.

dreamingbohemian · 04/10/2014 21:59

Sorry but I'm American and this all sounds completely bonkers

So what if they stand out or look like goths? They're family! Will people really not understand they're related to you if they look different?

If any of us tried to be this controlling in my family we'd be told to shove it. We're from new york though Wink

I can see you giving them an eye roll but it's not fuming level, no.

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:03

The fact that culturally we wouldn;t necessarily arrange co-ordinating colours in the UK isn;t really the point is it. Though to be honest you gave a pretty wide choice of colours so I can;t imagine it looked that staged.

The point is she had her chance to say "No chance, there is no way we are coming in co-ordinating clothes" AND she has requested people wear co-ordinating clothes for her photos (if I have read you correctly).

SHe can only have turned up in markedly different colours to make a point.

I too would get the photographer to photoshop them into the correct colours just in the hope of irritating her!

(Congrats btw)

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 22:04

If she'd said "how about yellow (or whatever)" or "I don't want to coordinate", I might have rolled my eyes a bit at the last one but I'd have said okay and gone with it.

It's the whole agreement and then not that irritates the shit out of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 22:04

Thanks Kew and yes you have :)

OP posts:
SweetsForMySweet · 04/10/2014 22:05

Could you photoshop them and get the photo 'fixed'? It's a nice idea but they didn't appreciate all your efforts. Their loss not yours.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 22:08

Organizing it really wasn't a big deal, it was just a few phone calls and one shopping trip. I'm not irritated about that because I didn't go to a lot of work or anything.

It's just that I wanted it to look nice for MIL and also, admittedly, to display myself. (But mainly it is a gift for MIL).

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 22:09

HMC but would you have agreed and then done the opposite, or would you just have said no?

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 04/10/2014 22:17

Go on, post the photo!

Kewcumber · 04/10/2014 22:34

hmc - not showing for the photos would have looked much tidier. But probably not the point SIL was after making.

wowfudge · 04/10/2014 22:38

The point is that everything was agreed and they turned up doing their own thing. So yes, they were either PA or thoughtless. Get the photographer to photoshop their clothing to match.

We saw a family group having a photo taken in the dunes on a beach on Cape Cod a few years ago - they were all in chinos and white shirts. We thought they looked like a RL advert!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 22:38

Trixy I can't figure out how on here, sorry!

OP posts:
Bigoldsupermoon · 04/10/2014 22:55

I don't think you're being U, OP - a formal or semi-formal group photo kind of needs you to look like a group, I think especially if you're being twee and American.

If your BIL and SIL knew what the group as a whole had planned, then turned up looking like scruffs/deliberately out of place, I'd just be questioning why they bothered turning up at all, or hadn't said anything about objecting to the dress code in the first place.

Fair enough if you asked everyone to turn up in cherry red evening wear with side parted hair and a single white rose clutched between their teeth, but let's be honest, it's not hard to do blue/brown/white.

diddl · 04/10/2014 22:57

I find it hard to think that they stand out just because they aren't coordinated.

is it that they were the only ones in logoed stuff?

like others, I'd love to see the pic.

Nanny0gg · 04/10/2014 23:09

The fact that culturally we wouldn't necessarily arrange co-ordinating colours in the UK

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. Photo would look awful if everyone was in matching colours, but good if co-ordinating. And that was a good choice of colours.

It's nothing new.

Ask to have the photos in B&W.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 04/10/2014 23:13

Diddl both.

If I could figure out how to post it, I would!

OP posts:
MyLegIsHaunted · 04/10/2014 23:26

YANBU. I'm in Australia and it's quite common here too to try and coordinate for family photos. You don't have matching outfits, you just try and stick to shades of the chosen colours.
In fact, most photographers recommend this on their websites, some even give examples of family outfits or link to Pinterest boards with examples.

She should've just said no or asked to change the colours to something that suited them better, rather than just showing up how they did.

I'd love to see the photo though Grin

StreathamHillary · 04/10/2014 23:35

Why is SIL the baddie in this and not BIL? It was his mother's picture.

Sandiacre · 04/10/2014 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.