to be fuming with SIL?

[CheerfulYank]

Last year we (DH's extended family) tried to get together and have a family picture taken. We could never work it out due to scheduling, so this year we started working on it in August.

A photographer in our town runs a special through today, a really good deal where she takes group photos in a local park, which is nice because the trees are all in full autumn colors.

We (DH's sister) and I find a date that works for everyone. SIL#2 (married to DH's brother) was a bit cat's bum mouth at it being outside but agreed. SIL1 and I said thataybe everyone should wear brown, white, and blue in any shade or pattern as it would coordinate, plus everyone has jeans, khakis l, etc. Everyone agrees.

There is MIL and FIL, DH and me and 2 DCs, SIL1 and husband, SIL2 and her husband (DH's brother), and their 2 DCs, and SIL3 (DH's other sister) her husband, and DD.

So we get this all arranged, send out emails with dates and times, etc. It's all settled.

On Thursday we get a snippy email from SIL2. "What day is pictures? Where are we meeting? What are we wearing again?" despite this being communicated several times. SIL1 replied with directions and a map and again said brown, blue, and white.

So this morning dawns bright and early. We get ready and go to the park, where evertone except SIL2 and BIL are wearing various casual clothing in (you guessed it, brown, blue, and white.)

BIL is wearing a black shirt. SIL2 is wearing a black long sleeved T-shirt with Harley Davidson in red letters. The two DC (9 and 7) are wearing teal and black Under Armour hooded sweatshirts.

I've seen an advanced proof of the pic and it looks ridiculous. It looks like they just wandered in to some random family's photo.

Also we broker into separate family units for pictures and they refused saying "oh we got one for the church directory, it's good enough."

I think it's completely passive aggressive of them and if they didn't want to be in it, they should have just said so.

AIBU to be upset?

Surely any mother/grandmother would want pics of her family being themselves? Might as well get a generic photo of a flock of sheep and superimpose their faces otherwise.

Streathem because per her request, all communication had been through her. I have no idea if he knew or not.

MyMum it wasn't a uniform, as in, "wear something you wouldn't normally wear". It was simply, "wear whatever you would like within these colors". As stated before, SIL3 and I were wearing the same sort of thing- scarf, cardigan, etc, because that is what we wear for a nicer casual occasion. SIL1 is edgier in fashion and was wearing high boots and a leather jacket. She looked great and like herself.

YANBU! I'd be pissed.

I was in a huge family group photo once with my ex. They are Kansans and Texans. Everyone had to wear ... wait for it ... blue jeans and blue jean shirts. Photo looked fucking mad, genuinely, like we had all perhaps just come from working in food service at the rodeo. They all loved it. I think I put our copy through the shredder.

I did it b/c, well, the polite options are agree and wear the colors, disagree and suggest other colors, or just don't be in the photo, and you pick the one that works for you.

Your color scheme sounds really nice, and allows for a full range of personal styles. For your SIL to not say outright that she didn't like the scheme but instead to turn up in other colors, when she knew that it had been planned carefully and was costing a good amount of money, really is extremely rude and passive-aggressive. It is totally, totally fine to hate this kind of photo -- but say so, or get your spouse to say so; don't show up and ruin something that you know is important to other people just b/c it seems stupid or unimportant to you. Can you get them recolored?

Just looked at that link of awkward family photos - they're WAAAAAAAYYY worse than yours, CY! . The matchy matchy tartan/plaid one made me snigger, as did the everyone-wearing-the-same-Hawaiian-shirt.
This is my favourite though :

To those of you who are giving Cheerful a hard time, photos like this are The Done Thing in the US - big time.

I have friends who get them done several times each year. People get them done in studios or go out to a park and have them done. EVERYONE co-ordinates their clothing. They are done for kids when they are in their Senior Year, ANd when they graduate HS, AND when they graduate college, or any other possible event, including just the joy of getting the whole family together.

you know on American TV when they do 'the Christmas photo' (usually in June) where they all dress up in matching plaid pyjamas and get a tree photoshopped into the background? Totally happens.

Or the standard shot used for American TV shows like The Duggans and Sister Wives, where they all have color co-ordinated pictures. Those things are done for real, and it is taken Very Seriously.

To not go along with it is a bit like turning up to your Great Aunt's 90th birthday party and pissing in the punch. A funny idea age 18, but actually quite spiteful from an adult.

Cheerful - I get where you're coming from. Yes, that was a deliberate bit of fuck you from your SIL towards the rest of the family. Fume away.

I haven't read the full thread yet, but I just wanted to come to CheerfulYank's defense a bit - it's very common for families over here to take pictures like this, where they all where coordinating colors. In fact, the photographers will often give you a "tip sheet," on what to do the day of your portraits, and one of the tips will be that everyone should coordinate.

wear not where

I have to say that I agree with whomever said it's also "done" in Australia - the photographers here do also provide "tip sheets" about wearing matching/co-ordinating colours. And if you think about it, it does make sense!

As a family we mostly have co-ordinating clothes anyway, mostly by accident, because we all tend to suit the same colours! But we have been in the mortifying (to me) situation where we've all been out in khaki shorts and sand or green shirts, again by accident - only realised when we've looked at photos!

I've just woken up. Have I woken in some surreal parallel universe?

How the other live, fig Over here, we go apeshit if anybody tries to tell us what colours to wear for their wedding!

Thumb, everybody knows Aussies wear khaki all the time ...

- yebbut, I'm not an ackchual Aussie!

See, I'd never dream of telling anyone what to wear for a wedding!

But no one I know agrees to take a professionally shot photograph without a cursory talk about what will be worn.

KickAss I'm not that bad at least! :o We (as in me, DH, and our DCs) get a picture done once a year for our Christmas card. Sometimes it's professional, sometimes we have a friend take it.

This is not an every year thing by a long shot...I've been married to DH for eight years and this is the only formal shot the entire family has ever had done.

It reminds me of Modern Family where they all had to wear white for the family shot. I agree if she didn't want to do it she could have just said.

I do feel your pain though as we had a family shot done recently of DH and I with the kids and it was just out of awkwardfamilyphotos.com Everyone was looking in different directions DS2 just refused to co-operate. Oh, well one day I will get a nice family picture!

Please can someone give the OP step by step help to post her photo ?

Not me, I can't do it on a phone either

I have thought about this overnight.
And although i would rather eat the scrapings from the base of my dustbin than endure this kind of photo I can see that the only reasonable course of action would be to wear the agreed colours. So your BIL and SiL were unreasonable and awkward.

Do you know why?

YANBU. Had she said can we add black into the mix, maybe other members of the family would have worn some too making it less awkward. Not fair to agree then sabotage.

therealamandaclarke why do you think the only reasonable course of action was to do exactly as they were told? Not having a go, just curious ...

YANBU at all, SIL was being mean and awkward

When we got photographs of my mum's grandchildren for her 80th birthday we did this. I spoke to both my (lovely) SILs and we agreed on colours for the outfits. Not matching in anyway though. The pictures were absolutely gorgeous. I didn't think it was weird or controlling.

On t h at basis YANBU.

I think everyone's being a bit harsh on the op with regards to everyone wearing the same colours - I agree it sounds controlling but when we had a family photo taken the photographer advised us to wear similar colours as if you end up with one person wearing bright red the photo isn't balanced as the one wearing red is the only person that stands out!

YANBU.

We recently got a family portrait taken for mil.

There were eight of us in it.

SIL organised it. At first she went with a formal shot, telling us all to wear white tops and jeans. I was a bit hmm simply because I'd have to go out and buy white tops for all four of us, but said nothing.

Then she changed photographer and the second one said to be as natural as possible. All wear toning colours like blue, brown, denim, no neon colours.

We had the pic taken in a forest.

I wore a navy top with wee small pink flowers and denim jeans, DH wore jeans and a blue tshirt with a navy collar, dd wore a denim dress and ds wore jeans and a navy and cream checked shirt.

Mum in law wore white linen trousers and a tshirt with a cardi, FIL wore jeans and a blue shirt.

And SIL & bil came in jeans and white shirts... SIL had a bright scarf tied jauntily at the side of her neck....

Mil loves the pix, the photographer was excellent, we have a set of very relaxed family pix and I smile every time I see them.

So I understand how if someone had worn a hoody with big red letters on it, it would have stuck out a mile!

Haven't read whole thread but I've read your posts before, Cheerful, and I think you sound lovely.
And agree that the coordinated photo thing is very normal for American families, I've seen quite a few on Facebook as well from British friends.

To stand up for Americans, my family has only had formal pictures taken a handful of times excluding weddings. However my English mil is obsessed with the damn things and gets SIL and BIL families together for them several times a year. Always with a theme or coordinating colours. Thank god DH and I live in another country so don't have to endure these. It's horrible trying to get 7 kids under 7 to all sit still and lookin the same direction.