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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My MIL defied us re: allowing my dd to handfeed her 3 dogs

106 replies

NonGrockle29 · 04/10/2014 17:24

as the title says, despite being constantly told not to she took DD from DP last night and put her on the kitchen floor and she allowed DD to feed one dog before partner finally got the courage to go and get DD.

MIL lost her rag and threw a chopping board in the sink and shuoted that 'she has to bloody get used to them' as she stormed out. not wanting a fight i stepped outside the back door. DP stormed past me saying thanks a lot for putting me in the shit.

All of them are making me feel IABU for putting my daughters safety first. I dont think I am. My DP wanted to take DD over there today so he could apologise for picking her off the floor but i refused. I just feel really hurt that he will not back me up, he knows it is a major thing for me!

I thought how disrespectful to my DP and I that she would flout our rules She stood in front of me last week begging to have our DD alone saying that she would not give her anything or do anything we did not want... Now there is no way I can allow this!

was i being unreasonable in sticking to my guns?

(the dogs constantly jump up, lick faces, beg for food and scrap each other. but it is more about the fact my DP didnt back me up )

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2014 17:26

How old is your dd?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 04/10/2014 17:27

Your DP is an arse as is your MiL for putting your dd on the floor amongst a pack of dogs.

I couldn't live with a man who was lily livered and couldn't stand up to his mother over such a blatant lack of care regarding his child's safety.

SoonToBeSix · 04/10/2014 17:27

Depends on breed of dogs and age of dd.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2014 17:28

For me it would depend on the age, as tge older the children are, they are more safety aware.

Original poster

NonGrockle29 · 04/10/2014 17:28

dd is 1

OP posts:

PastorOfMuppets · 04/10/2014 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2014 17:30

Your do knows your feelings about the dogs and should respect it! Equally you do not want your dd to be scared of dogs, she should within a controlled situation, get used to them.

FuckOffFerret · 04/10/2014 17:32

Really it doesn't depend on the age of the dd or the breed of dogs.

She said no. Amazingly as a parent you can tell your MIL no and she has to listen. It's only on MN that people think PIL can do whatever the fuck you like

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2014 17:33

In that case no no no. Noway, your dp is being awful, does he nit care for your dd safety! Dogs can be unpredictable, especially around small chikdren who do not know how to behave around them. When I was 5, I corned my brothers medium sized dog in, obviously digs don't like that and it bit my lip.

Original poster

NonGrockle29 · 04/10/2014 17:33

We allow her in the room with them, and when she is sat down she loves watching them walking about and when in her high chair. I just dont like them licking and pawing at her. (i dont want people thinking i am ott with it :)) They are all cross breed terriers I dont really know what with though?

OP posts:

ILovePud · 04/10/2014 17:33

I think whether this is safe does depend on how old your DD is and on the temperament of the dogs. It sounds like you and your DP have different views on this issue, I think if he genuinely feels that socialising her to the dogs is a good thing and not a safety issue then you and he should seek to come to some compromise. If he's not bothered but is more concerned about his mother's feelings that your's he's out of order. Whatever, I think if you and he had a prior agreement that DD wouldn't feed the dogs then I think he should not have acted in this way and that your MIL is being unreasonable and petulant in going against your wishes and then throwing a stop. I'd be uncomfortable with her looking after DD alone now and I think she owes you an apology not the other way around.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2014 17:34

I would not like tge hand feeding one bit, but yes in a controlled situation ok as I think chikdren should not be scared if dogs.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 04/10/2014 17:34

Someone who chucks stuff around in temper shouldn't be around a child anyway.

Regardless of the dogs.

And a lot of dogs bite. Breed is irrelevant.

Owllady · 04/10/2014 17:36

I'm a dog owner and I'd be furious
You said no, whatever the dogs are like, the child's age etc. It doesn't matter. You said no, you don't feel comfortable with it
THAT'S FINE
Your mil was an idiot.

joanofarchitrave · 04/10/2014 17:36

Bloody hell! YANBU anyway because you're the parent and if your DH wants to discuss changes to things with you it's not the time to do it when a crisis erupts; and absolutely double YANBU as the past owner of a cross-breed terrier who I could NEVER trust around children.

ILovePud · 04/10/2014 17:37

xposted with everyone, I think given her age the level of contact that you have said you allow sounds about right. We've always had dogs but supervised them very closely with the kids at that age.

Silvercatowner · 04/10/2014 17:39

Hand her a newspaper or make her watch the news. Another poor kid just a bit younger than your daughter killed by the family pet last night.

Fabulous46 · 04/10/2014 17:40

I'm not a fan of dogs begging for food. I have 3 labs and not one of them begs of food. Personally I wouldn't like anyone putting a little one on the floor to feed them tit bits for two reasons 1) they could easily knock a little one over and 2) I don't like them being fed tit bits. I agree it's good for kids not to be afraid of dogs but I wouldn't feel comfortable having a child feed dogs by hand. As much as I trust my dogs I'd be far too scared of little fingers getting ACCIDENTLY nipped.

Original poster

NonGrockle29 · 04/10/2014 17:41

Yes I agree with you all. I am happy for socialising but I feel the handfeeding was too much and they knew this. She just has to push it too far every time. When asked not to give our six week old a spoon of custard (by DP) she went ape shit and refused to speak to us for weeks because we obivously wanted her out of our babies life. She is just too unpredictable for my liking and DP and FIL tread on eggshells most of the time.

OP posts:

NumTumDeDum · 04/10/2014 17:41

I'm with you. Even if mil feels you are unreasonable, you have made your feelings clear. I have this nonsense with my sister and her enormous bulldog. We have an understanding - she thinks I'm precious and I think she can think what she likes, I'm not taking my eyes off my children when the dog is around. Both are nervous of the dog and her attitude of exposing them as much as possible and they'll get over it has been counter productive as my son now cries whenever he sees the dog, who is taller than him. He is also one (nearly 2).

Dp is in a difficult position if he wants to please everyone because he can't. Ideally he should be backing you. This half assed doing what you ask but resenting you for it and blaming you for falling out with his mother is no good. If he doesn't agree with you then he should talk it through and together decide how to broach it with mil.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/10/2014 17:42

Your MIL does nit sound like a responsible dog owner, if she does not respect your wishes, and throws things in a temper. Your dh should definitely support you.

Owllady · 04/10/2014 17:44

She sounds unhinged

ILovePud · 04/10/2014 17:44

You have my sympathies, it sounds like this is part of a wider pattern of MIL disregarding your wishes and trying to control people with her tantrums, stand your ground or she'll just carry on.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 04/10/2014 17:46

At one yo children aren't aware of how to handle animals. I would never let my 4 yo hand feed out dog.

It's one thing to be used to them and another to let them potentially bite her. I know a person this happened to. Dog is well behaved family pet and bit little finger when being hand fed. The little girl was lucky not to lose her finger.

YANBU

MustChooseASecondary · 04/10/2014 17:47

YANBU

Your MIL has bad judgement. Do not leave your precious dd alone with her in her house. Children are attacked by family pets all the time. The problem is irresponsible owners generally.

Just a pertinent, current example:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-29491535

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