My MIL defied us re: allowing my dd to handfeed her 3 dogs

[NonGrockle29]

as the title says, despite being constantly told not to she took DD from DP last night and put her on the kitchen floor and she allowed DD to feed one dog before partner finally got the courage to go and get DD.

MIL lost her rag and threw a chopping board in the sink and shuoted that 'she has to bloody get used to them' as she stormed out. not wanting a fight i stepped outside the back door. DP stormed past me saying thanks a lot for putting me in the shit.

All of them are making me feel IABU for putting my daughters safety first. I dont think I am. My DP wanted to take DD over there today so he could apologise for picking her off the floor but i refused. I just feel really hurt that he will not back me up, he knows it is a major thing for me!

I thought how disrespectful to my DP and I that she would flout our rules She stood in front of me last week begging to have our DD alone saying that she would not give her anything or do anything we did not want... Now there is no way I can allow this!

was i being unreasonable in sticking to my guns?

(the dogs constantly jump up, lick faces, beg for food and scrap each other. but it is more about the fact my DP didnt back me up )

My DS was bitten on the face at 2 1/2 by a 'friendly' dog. I would not risk putting a 1 year old in a situation where she is on the floor with the dogs, especially not feeding them.

Your dh is hugely out of order for not backing you up.

I have dogs but I can't stand the way some owners seem to think that they can make other people accept the behaviours they accept from their pets (licking etc.), when the other person is clearly uncomfortable.

My MIL has a large retriever who hates being around small children, even those who have been taught to behave properly around dogs. She gets all huffy when I tell my kids to not go near it, saying "oh x wouldn't do anything". Meanwhile, poor x is growling and showing every possible behaviour she can, to show us that she feels really stressed and wants to get away.

Not for the first time, I agree with Hissy about this: this isn't about the dogs btw, this is about boundaries and her need for power trips.

What is difficult is your DH's conditioning to appease his mother always. Ask him what is so terrible about MIL being (unreasonably, even irrationally) unhappy that he has to throw out all your agreed rules and boundaries? ask him if he would react this way if anyone else did that to him? You have to keep challenging and challenging the basic assumption that MIL must be kept happy at any cost, even putting your daughter at risk.

I have posted about this before. My father apparently had dogs that were completely under his control. My sister still has the scars above her eye to prove it. The same dog also went for my face too, luckily I had glasses on which were very scratched. My dad denied there was a problem despite numerous attacks until the dog very aggressively attacked him and he needed stitches all the way up his arm. It still makes me mad and I back you up to the hilt. I wish your DP did.... stick to your guns however difficult it might be and hopefully he will come to his senses. Your MIL doesn't sound like a responsible dog owner or someone you would want to leave your children with.

You don't have a problem MIL you have a problem DP!

Of course you are not being unreasonable! Do not go to MIL's again until he stops enabling her. I second Hissy's suggestion.

This needs to be sorted asap as its frequently the grandparents dogs who cause harm to a child & unfortunately OP you need to step up & speak for your DD's safety as its clear nobody else will.

1)Speak to MIL as Hissy has suggested.

2)Then make it abundantly clear to your DP that either you & DD are his first priority or you aren't, & if he has a problem with that then he can move back in with MIL & continue living under her rules. Get angry OP, you are not putting him in an impossible position, he's the one doing that to you! Spouse comes first & birth family second.