Who is being unreasonable here, Me or DH?

[DietCokePepsiMax]

We have not had a cigarette for 1 week (30 years of smoking).

My DH has a vapour cigarette which really helps him and I have gone cold turkey as the patches make me feel sick and the vapour makes me cough!

We have never smoked in our home, always outside no matter what the weather is like.

DH has started to use his vapour cigarette inside our home, I hate when he uses it as it reminds me of smoking and causes me to think about it when I wouldn't usually as we have never smoked inside the home.

It is permanently attached to him like a child with a dummy! I've asked him if you could please use it outside as it makes me think about smoking and he just says 'do you want me to give up or not?' and cuts off the conversation.

I really need to give up, health issues are creating up on me but seeing him with his vapour cigarette inside our home is really making me struggle!

Who is being unreasonable?

I'm very interested to know what you all think as he thinks that I am being very unreasonable!

The reason ecigarette smokers use it more frequently is that it gives a much lower dose of nicotine that having a cigarette. That's how they are supposed to be used. They aren't cigarettes and just going outside for a few mins like you would a cigarette would not give the right level of nicotine to curb cravings.

He is BU.

Then being surgically attached to a vape isn't beating the habit. It's replacing it.

He IBU.

He is getting addicted to the nicotine in the e-cigarette. There are some places here in the US that ban them indoors as well because they DO release toxins in the air.

He should be smoking it outside and treat it like a normal cigarette in terms of length of time "sucking" on it. It's supposed to help him quit, not become another crutch.

Well done you!

Brave of you to both give up at the same time, I can only imagine the level of stress in the household

Personally I hate Vaping, it's a ridiculous the way that people now use them absolutely anywhere, seemingly as a way of demonstrating that they can do what they want unlike smoking cigarettes. I am fully aware that I am BU but something about them just sets me on edge. I also worry about the health effects of them, it's so early that we just don't know what the potential risks are and I strongly suspect that we will see all sorts of nasty problems as a result of them.

So no, I don't think you ABU, not just because I hate them but also because he's just making your life harder for no good reason.

Nope it's fine to replace it. No need to ever give up ecigarettes if you don't what to. It doesn't matter that they are addictive as they don't do any harm. The other option is smoking and that KILLS remember.

They are most effective used little and often so 1 puff every minute or two rather than 100 puffs in 2 minutes like a cigarette. It's much harder to be successful with them if you try to use the same pattern - as well as the fact that using them like a cigarette reinforcing the habit rather than breaking the associations. One of the points is to break things like "first cig of the day" and "morning coffee break cig" because taking away those triggers makes it much easier to stay stopped long term.

Having said all that yanbu. If it's making it harder for you then there needs to be a compromise - starting with a change of liquid, the flavoured ones don't seem to smell to me so maybe investigate them?

Well done you :)

Next time he asks if you don't want him to quit tell him that you'd like him to, but not at the expense of you quitting, so he can go into another room and vape or he can go outside and smoke, up to him... but what he can't do is vape in the house.

They give me a headache too, I think it must be the oils as anything like that goes straight to my head.

So OPs H is not actually quitting smoking in the slightest?

He is now smoking more frequently but something that won't kill him.

Well you learn something new every day. What a con.

Magoria why is that a con?
Smoking is very addictive and damaging.
Switching to something non damaging but that doesn't mean you have to go through withdrawal is surely only a good thing? Most times people try to give they go back to smoking it's much better for them to have ecigs and not smoke tobacco isn't it?

The vaping is totally harmless and I can't smell anything when my BIL lights up at all (I've never smoked and have a very keen sense of smell)

Any chance your insanely grumpy cos your giving up the hardest addiction possible

There's loads of anti vapers on Mumsnet - people really hate it. It's irrational and is just coming from they hate seeing people 'smoke'.

I don't like e cigarettes, I think they are pointless. My dad gave up after 40 odd yrs of smoking. He had tried all the 'tools' over the yrs but the only thing that worked was going cold turkey. 8 months down the line & I am still so proud of him.

OP your dh is BU. He should be smoking it outside or in a different room than the one you are in.

I don't like e cigarettes, I think they are pointless

I'd hardly call them pointless when they're helping people to quit.

I work in a large company and have about 1000 people in my building. We have an engagement team who conduct random surveys of interest and release articles and stuff.

A couple of months ago they did one on vaping. Of the 1000 staff, about 300 of them were smokers or previous smokers. Of these 300, just over 100 had switched to vaping, successfully, in the last 12 months.

These are people who more than likely wouldn't have all just quit otherwise. How is that a bad thing? A third of all the smokers in a large building just giving up, purely down to e cigarettes.

I think E Cigs are one of the best inventions for health in recent years.

He's swapped from a habit which will probably kill him, which stinks, which is expensive, which is harmful to others, to one which is relatively harmless. Good for him. Neither of you abu, you're both being fabulous and doing the best thing you can to improve your health.

I think that people sucking on those things look ridiculous. I can understand trying to give up an addiction, but you still look silly with it hanging around your neck and hanging out of your mouth all of the time. Take them outside.

Surely if they look so silly he should be doing it inside where no one can see him??

The fact that some people think it looks silly doesn't take away the fact that vaping is saving thousands of lives, better to look silly than get lung cancer.

However OP, YANBU...but neither is your dh.

It sounds like you've both got the horrendous grumps from quitting which is entirely normal. You both think the other is sabotaging your quit.

I would compromise and say he can use it in the house for the next couple of weeks, but not in front of you or in the same room. The vapour doesn't cling or hang around so if he's discreet there's no reason for you to be aware of him doing it.

lol. I love my e-cig.

You know the NHS are looking to license them as an actual NRT?

We'll done both of you.

I think it's fine to choose vaping, I really don't understand why it riles some people so much. But if it's making it harder for you I think your other half should be more considerate and at least try to do it out of your sight.

But as someone up thread said, you must both be on a short fuse at the moment. Try to remember you're both doing brilliantly.

I'm the one who started the "... to be positively evangelical about vaping" thread last year. We had all these arguments then.

A year later and I am still not smoking. I literally have no desire to ever smoke a cigarette. I quit smoking many times over the years, and this is the first time I have ever known that I am done with the cancer sticks. They no longer tempt me.

I do vape in the house, one puff every few minutes. I am too busy smelling, looking and feeling great to care if people don't approve.

My DS is giving up smoking, yeah, and he was never allowed to smoke in the house, he was the only smoker, he still goes out the back with his vapour cigarette the same as he always did.
His reasoning is he's trying to quit using the vapour cigarettes and doesn't want to start using it more than he smoked.
So i think your DH is BU

DH has gone from 40 a day to vaping in the last month. He has had one cigarette in 30 days, when his vape stick thingy blocked and he couldn't work out how to unblock it. I am massively proud of him. It doesn't smell, except when he is 'cutting' his tobacco liquid with Apple flavour, and then that is all I can smell. The tobacco liquid itself has no smell whatsoever.

He does use it inside, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's better than smoking.

I am also vaping, but not as successfully as DH - and I think that's because I'm using it as I would have used cigarettes. I have cut down massively, but can't seem to shift the morning/lunchtime/evening fags. Treating vaping like smoking isn't breaking the habit, so I think I'll have to copy his example if I want to be successful.

DH always goes outside to vape when we're in restaurants (doesn't want to upset other diners for whatever reason - smell, sight, anything), at other people's houses (unless they specifically say it's ok, which they all have so far - he doesn't ask, they call him back when he makes to go outside) and at work. The last is partly because he misses the physical break from his desk and the social time with smoking buddies (many of whom now vape), but also because he's not allowed to vape indoors at work.

But when he's at home, he stays indoors. The smell of most liquids doesn't bother me - some are quite nice - and he tends to not like the ones I dislike anyway (custard creams?? Ugh) so no problems there. I think the main difference is that as he vapes indoors, he has a few puffs every so often rather than going outside for a full cigarette - so more frequent usage but same volume, if that makes sense. Is this what your DH does? If so, maybe that's part of his quitting strategy? It would be a pain to go outside every time he wanted a couple of puffs/quick hit, not the same as going outside for a whole cigarette... but equally, although I'm not a smoker, I do get that the sight/smell really isn't helping you! So I second what pps have said - get him to do it out of your line of vision, otherwise it is a bit unfair. Good luck (and well done).

Oh and I totally get the dummy analogy! It's a little bit creepy in a way, reminds me of David Walliams going 'bitty...'

Fabulassie ...

I'll have done a year tomorrow. That's the longest I have managed in 33 years - since I was TWELVE - and I wouldn't have done it without your thread. Thank you thank you thank you!

Have you seen the Stop Smoking section we got? That was asked for by vapers who switched because of your thread and the spin off threads. I have lost count of the number of people who have been helped to quit because of what you started.

YOU ARE A FUCKING STAR!

Right ... so, OP ... people are correct when they point out that vaping can't be treated the same as smoking. To get the same 'hit' off an ecig as you do from a fag you'd have to be on about 50mg/ml, whereas most people who switch start on 18mg and then cut down if they want to, when they are ready - i.e. not yet!

The sensible thing would be for him to nip into a different room.

For those with ill-thought-out notions about ecigs (most of you haha) have a read of this - it's by the ex-director of ASH London, not some random twit.