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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this?

209 replies

ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:19

I don't allow my son to watch any TV as he is only 16 months and I really don't see the point. My brothers kids spend all their time sat in front of the TV and won't do anything else. I have specifically asked my mum not to let ds watch the TV and when I came to pick him up today he is sat goggle eyed to the TV with my brothers youngest.

I am ever so grateful for my mum looking after ds for a couple of hours for me today but AIBU to be annoyed that he was just sat watching TV when I specifically said I don't want him watching cartoons?

OP posts:
naty1 · 29/09/2014 22:47

Yanbu.
I think you are being lynched for saying google eyed. Which is your opinion.
Your mum should have done as you asked, or said it wouldnt be possible.

How ridiculous some of the arguments re the cousin. A child should not dictate what is on/whether it is on.

I can see if the DM wanted to watch something then thats different.

I know what you mean about kids watching too much too young, programs aimed at kids to keep them from doing anything else. Dd didnt watch till over 1. Another kid same age i visited was glued to the tv as sky cartoons were on - he didnt know i was in the room. Clearly i dont know how often he viewed though.
I feel strongly GPs should not undo all the work you put into something be it diet or tv.

If they want to take the attitude well we're doing you a favour well frankly i think it can be easier to pay than the blackmail- its my house ill do what i want. No its your child diet, entertainment, are up to the parents.

Anyway i wouldnt be surprised if GM would pur tv on in Op house if she thought it wasnt an issue.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 29/09/2014 23:34

Here you are, Marie Sarah - your entire sentence:

I don't think that it's the fact that he watched TV that is a big deal, it's the fact that your DM ignored what you said on purpose

What is different now? In fact, the second half of your sentence could be construed as inflammatory (which is why I didn't include it, actually). As I really don't think the 'DM' ignored what OP said "on purpose".

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 29/09/2014 23:41

Perhaps OP's Mum was exhausted, after caring for two children for two hours. Do we know how old she is, do we know how often this childminding happens? No, we don't.

KulamLobeseder · 29/09/2014 23:52

Meh. We are Jewish. I am vegetarian. When my DDs stay with my mother she delights in feeding them bacon. Do I get riled up because she does something which goes against my beliefs (and I suspect she does it to annoy me)? No. I am just grateful that a) my mother loves my children and wants to spend time with them, b) she is still healthy enough to do so and c) they will be well treated and cared for when they are with her. TV will do your child no more harm than bacon will do mine, children are human beings not property, and getting love from family is far more important than your particular wishes with regards small aspects of their upbringing which are actually pretty irrelevant in the big picture.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 29/09/2014 23:56

Kulam - your post really made me laugh. Hit the nail right on the head, there! Bless you!!

brainfidget · 30/09/2014 00:57

I do think you're unreasonable to be annoyed at your Mum not adhering to your wishes, as there was another grandchild there, older, who presumably wanted to watch TV. At that point, your Mum would have had 3 choices:

  1. Put the kids in separate rooms
  2. Deny the older child any TV
  3. Treat your child to a bit of TV

Option 1 is not realistic, option 2 would be akin to punishment to the older child and probably difficult for your DM, so option 3 seems the only reasonable option to me.

My DM used to say no sugar when I was left with my Nana. But the porridge I ate there was almost brown, being composed 50% of syrup, while my Nana tried to pass it off to DM as being "a bit burnt". I still have all my teeth, no fillings, and I prefer savoury to sweet.

Isn't half the delight of grandparents that kids do get a bit spoilt, and things are a bit different from home? If it's not the norm, it's unlikely to have much impact.

heartshapedflux · 30/09/2014 01:50

Wow, OP I feel uptight just reading the tone of your posts.

my2centsis · 30/09/2014 01:59

Op you obviously think you are right and everyone else is wrong so why ask the damn question in the first place.

Icimoi · 30/09/2014 08:16

Whether you paid your mum or not, the fact is that you asked her to do you a favour: it would have been much more hassle to get your child to a nursery or find and pay a childminder. When someone does you a favour by looking after your child in their house, you don't get to dictate how they do it, nor do you get to be annoyed how they choose to do it UNLESS they actually do something potentially dangerous or harmful. Watching TV is neither.

naty1 · 30/09/2014 09:40

I think it depends on your own personality really would you immediately ignore what someone asked you to do? Making excuses why you couldnt do it? Would you tell them upfront that you dont agree and wouldnt follow it?

Would you decide your opinions on how to parent someone elses child are more important?

I wouldnt.

Also it seems typical that everyone thinks they know better than the latest research. Or is it you want to continue using tv no matter what research might say.

Whether i agree or not with no tv for under 2s it is a bit unrealistic.

If you went out and your parents fed your 4m out solids?

If we take this attitude of GPs can do whatever they want what chance does a child with obese GPs have?

feathermucker · 30/09/2014 10:28

When you ask a question in AIBU, people will not simply say yes or no; they will, inevitably, give their views.

You cannot say to people that they can only answer to a certain point. When you are being as defensive as you are, you are almost inviting opinions outside the area you have 'designated'.

YABU - by thinking that TV will turn him into a goggle-eyed zombie. It is possible for a little TV viewing to form part of an inquisitive child's life; they can still seek adventure and explore; it doesn't disable them in any way.

YANBU - by wanting him to pursue the adventurous side of his nature.

Ultimately, at 16 months, you are being more than a bit PFB about this.

You are also being ridiculously defensive. By posting on here, you invite opinions, thoughts and ideas.

Dismissing them as readily as you have does not make for a debate; it makes for an argument.

Chill out a little Wink

rastamam · 30/09/2014 12:00

I dont think your being precious OP, as vbd said upthread research show the negative effect tv has, and I am really suprised so many mumsnetters are so keen on it, even to the extent to say no tv is unreaslistic! I do choose to use elmo on utube for my PFB while I have a shower in the morning and it is clearly a good babysitter but agree that it googleeyes him for that time - i have refered to it as switching him off in fact, so totally agree with you. He does love elmo though. But full respect to you for managing to not resort to it to make things easier for yourself (as i have!).

So I would be annoyed with my parents going against my specific wishes on this too, as I would if they gave him diet things I would prefer him not to have, eg lemonade/ coke/ certainly 2 hours of tv. But, also, if your mum was struggling to entertain 2 and v tired and had just put it on at the end then maybe ok- they may have had lots of fun up until then?

BadlyShavedYeti · 30/09/2014 13:26

My DD is 20 months old and loves Peppa Pig. I put an episode on for her, she sits with me for all of a minute watching it then goes off and does her own thing. Only when the episode has finished that I realise I was sat watching it on my own as she was doing something else!

It hasnt turned her into a goggle eyed zombie. She has the attention span of a newt and there is no way she would have sat for 2 hours watching cartoons. 2 minutes at the most.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/09/2014 14:25

Naty - I don't think you can equate watching a few cartoons with starting to wean someone's child two months before they want them weaned.

And I am saying that as someone who weaned all three of her dses at 4 months - because that was the guidance back then - and who has raised three strong, healthy young men despite this atrocious neglect.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2014 14:35

Op if your unhappy, then look for childcare elsewhere. Mabey your mother was tired and needed a rest, it's not easy trying to entertain constantly a toddler, if it calms him down enough so she can have a sit down or make some lunch so be it.

HarlowTulip · 30/09/2014 14:46

I just do not see why at 4 months past his first birthday he needs to sit in front of a screen when he enjoys playing and exploring so much more?

Was he gagged and bound with his eye lids sellotaped open?

No?

Guess he doesn't enjoy playing and exploring more...

ARGHtoAHHH · 30/09/2014 14:59

Harlow, I just snorted at my desk.

naty1 · 30/09/2014 17:00

I think the weaning is similar and a similar relaxed GP would do it. This happened to someone i know.

And i think the result is similar as probably it wont harm but you really dont know. It will possibly be more difficult for op now to continue as now he has seen he may pester, though it doesnt sound like she/he will give in.
They will find it difficult to study the effect of raising weaning age to 6m i think as everyone i know weaned earlier. Though certainly theres no difference at 2.
I also think babysitting is a bit different as its a bit hiding what you are doing. If op was visiting DM with DC she could tell them to go in other room or leave.

Floggingmolly · 30/09/2014 17:26

there is so much else he could be doing
Of course there is; and when he's with you, you get to choose. But when someone else is taking care of him as a favour to you, and your Mum appears to have been minding your db's children too - then you really don't get to write the script.
Perhaps you should use only paid childcare in future, where you get to dictate the terms?

Pipbin · 30/09/2014 17:33

I kind of agree with you OP. This is a parenting choice you have made and it has been ignored. You might equally have said 'I don't want my DS playing with toy guns.'(if he was of an age where he would be playing with such things) Then if you came to collect him and there he was playing with a toy gun then you would have been upset.
Your wish is that your DS shouldn't watch TV, and I do think you have a point.

However I think the reason that everyone is disagreeing with you is your attitude to both the behaviour of your mother and the effects of watching TV.
Yes you paid your mother, but she is not a private nursery and letting the children in her care watch a bit of TV was most likely more for her benefit.

3nonblondeboys80 · 30/09/2014 17:39

I think your mum wzs in a difficult position. If she was just looking after your child it would be different. in this case yabu

MrsCumbersnatch · 30/09/2014 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFairyKing · 30/09/2014 21:10

Why post in AIBU if you're not going to even entertain any other opinions?! Did you want your hair stroking and get told "your bubz, your rulez hun"?

Purplepoodle · 30/09/2014 22:23

It's tv not heroin, he probably just plonked himself down after potter about. My youngest is 17months and we have the tv on in the he morning and after dinner showing cartoons for my older children. Youngest rarely takes an interest unless he is super tired. He was probably glued to it because he hasn't seen cartoons before - all kids love new things.

mimishimmi · 30/09/2014 22:32

If I was looking after my brother's toddlers gratis I can guarantee you there would be a period in the day where I would plonk them in front of a movie/kids DVD on the computer (we don't have a TV).

Your mum is doing you a favour. By all means ban it from your own home but beyond their essential health & safety, you can't go around dictating how you want your children to be cared for. I'd even say the same for a daycare situation as well in that you will get what you pay for.