To be annoyed by this?

[ProudAsPunch92]

I don't allow my son to watch any TV as he is only 16 months and I really don't see the point. My brothers kids spend all their time sat in front of the TV and won't do anything else. I have specifically asked my mum not to let ds watch the TV and when I came to pick him up today he is sat goggle eyed to the TV with my brothers youngest.

I am ever so grateful for my mum looking after ds for a couple of hours for me today but AIBU to be annoyed that he was just sat watching TV when I specifically said I don't want him watching cartoons?

I agree you are being lynched by the mumsnet mob

Lynched - really???
It's a different PoV from the OP. That hardly equates to "lynching"

I really hope my daughter (or DiL) don't come up with comments like this. Because I won't be doing much babysitting, if they do.

The child was safe, loved, cuddled and fed. What more could you expect from a grandparent?
All of this "Not respecting my wishes" claptrap. Get over yourself (I wanted to say something a bit ruder, but restrained myself). Grandparent is doing you a favour (paid or not). If you don't like it - make other arrangements. Simple as . . .

OP, think about what matters to you when it comes to childcare, if it's "my ways and preferences for looking after them are matched completely" you need to pay a professional, and check the other children in their care don't have competing needs/preferences from their parents.

Unfortunately, you can't expect a professional level of care from family members, even if you pay them, it never ever works that way. Your mum is your DC's grandmother first, "paid help" second. A nanny/childminder would primarily be your child's paid carer. It's a very different level of service.

It's also a level of service that doesn't have the same level of flexibility or be as family focussed. A professional looking after your DCs will no doubt do a great job, they won't love your DC though.

Think about what matters to you - if it's control, then you need to stop using your mum as childcare and just keep her in "Granny role". if it's flexibility and family focus, then use your mum and accept you cannot tell her how to look after your child.

You care about you ds and don't want him to watch tv because you feel he's too little - Yanbu. That's awesome.

It's a bit of a trade off with parents though. They return your child to you in one piece, fed, watered and usually having had a nice time so you just have to thank them and thrn complain about it to your dh when they're in bed

Wow, when I think of the times I struggled with no help! The times my poor little toddlers had to come to work with us because we had no choice!

I had no family close enough to help me, and no friends who could take time off work. And you are actually complaining about your DC watching 2 hours tv?

Yes. You are being very unreasonable. If I was your Mum I would tell you to go take a running jump next time you asked.

OwlCapone have you actually read my responses? If you care to take a look you will see your post was invalid. My last 2 posts actually say fair enough if you think I was being unreasonable. What part of that is, in your words, pointless?

You come across as very rude OP.

Some people are extraordinarily rude and have to resort to swearing. I forgot why I haven't been on this site in a very long time...

If you really can't tolerate any TV at all then you need to pay for a nanny & tell the candidates the rules at interview (don't use a nursery - most use DVD's for short periods during the day)

I think you'd be mad to prioritise banning TV over cousin/granny time (even with a TV on) but each to their own.

People are talking like I've fallen out with my mum over this - I never even said anything to her, I thanked her for having ds, made her a cuppa and stayed to chat for half an hour before I went home . I was asking if it was unreasonable to be annoyed about the TV thing. Nowhere did I say I had fallen out with her over it. Nowhere did I say he wasn't going to see her anymore. I was merely annoyed she directly went against something she knows I feel strongly about because of numerous conversations we've had about it!

I don't allow him to watch it so yes, it is a big deal actually. I don't want a goggle eyed zombie when there is so much else he can be doing. Just because you think it's ok for your kids to watch TV doesn't mean I do! Gosh I forgot how lynched you get on Mumsnet for daring to have an opinion on the way your own child is brought up..!

Deary me! You are asking for advice right? Why did you put your OP on aibu?

YABVU your mum looked after your child for a while, cut her some slack. Watching some telly is not going to damage him.

You said earlier that you'd "cleared it up" with her which kind of suggests there had been words. But now you didn't even mention it to her?

YABU (and rude on here - you asked if you were BU.)

Also, you and your ds are missing out! My 16mo watches some tv, not all day and has plenty, plenty of other interests, and the pure joy and pleasure he gets from in the night garden is an absolute site to behold, just lovely and is doing him no harm at ALL! It's also a very nice and cuddly time in the eve with him, dh and I

I can see why it annoys you I really can but there are a few situations where I think it might have been inevitable/your Mum felt it necessary. For example:

1. You said that your sister or brothers child was there too perhaps he has a favourite programme DM puts on whenever he stays? It wouldn't feel right in that situation to not put it on because your DS is there and obviously DM couldn't have them in two different rooms as she can't be in two places at once.

1. She might have needed to do some household chores and DS was following her and she felt that would keep him entertained for 30 mins whilst she moped the floors/did the dishes etc?

I don't think it's right for her to completely go against what you have told her you don't want to do but the problem is with families they always have their own opinions and sometimes as a Mum of a young Mum you feel like you still have to be a guide to the said young person and sometimes keep making decisions for them (I love you Mum, but you do this sometimes yourself!)

How would you feel if your Mum had asked you beforehand if it was real necessary could she let your DS watch it if DN was watching something would you have minded if she asked first? Or would you still have been completely steadfast.

I know it's important to you but your Mum probably thinks you are being dramatic as lets face it technology is all around us these days.

Oh, the perfect opportunity to use the well-worn mumsnet comment "unclench".

Perfectly reasonable to not want your child to watch tv. Perfectly unreasonable to worry that 2 hours (if that) will cause any damage. When we are asking family favours (assuming you were not paying the going rate for professional childcare?) a bit of flexibility is required.

YANBU to be a bit annoyed.
YABU not to have expected it tbh. Grandparents spoil kids. If they see them for a relatively small amount of time they do sometimes overstep the mark and go against parents (and especially Mums/daughters ime - it's a respect/lack thereof thing) if they feel the mother is being a bit PFB. I'm glad you haven't fallen out with her over it. Expect that it will continue to happen and find alternate childcare if you can't cope with it. It'll be chips and chocolate buttons next.....

Fair enough. Point taken. Perhaps hyperemesis is making me unreasonable. Perhaps I'm just passionate about no TV til he's over 2. Either way, not in the mood to argue.

Are you going to have the same rule for this baby? You will struggle with that when the 2 year old is allowed to watch and baby isn't! Will you lock them in seperate rooms?

Feeling sorry for op. Agreed that it would be polite for mum to respect op request, whilst still being entitled to childcare how she needs to.

It would be exactly the same if my mil looked after dd and gave her chocolate. Annoying as going against my wishes but whilst informal childcare, can't really get too angry.

In summary, op, you have every right to be annoyed, your mum was rude, but at the end of the day she was in charge and had the right to disregard your request for easier childcare.

FGS it isnt as if she put your child at risk!

So.. the t.v. was on, in the room he was in!

I don't think that it's the fact that he watched TV that is a big deal, it's the fact that your DM ignored what you said on purpose.

I would be really upset. I don;t care about other people point of vue, when you agree to take care of someone else's kid, you just respect what the parents ask. No matter how much you think that a couple of hours of cartoon won't hurt..

I don't think that it's the fact that he watched TV that is a big deal

I think, according to the OP, that this is exactly the fact - that DS WAS allowed to watch TV. No mention has been made as to what he may have eaten, or how many cuddles he might have had, during the two torturous hours he was in custody. The focus is on how much Television he might have watched (which was probably not very much at all, given he was only in the house for two hours). We don't actually know if child had been sitting in front of goggle box for the entire two hours, or just for the five minutes leading up to OP's collection of said child. For the previous 1hr 55mins, had darling Granny been entertaining both of her grandchildren in a very amusing, educational and informative way? Well, we don't know, do we? And are unlikely to know, as OP appears to have selective response mode switched on.

I'm with the OP here, the issue isn't about TV watching, but that she asked her DM to not do something with her child, and DM disregarded that without any explanation.

DM didn't say anything about it when the OP arrived, so it seems that she didn't think it mattered that she ignored her request, which is a problem.

OP I would have a chat with your mother about this.

DM disregarded that without any explanation
DM didn't say anything about it when the OP arrived
MilkPudding - where did you get that bit of information from?

Whilst aware that this is not the point of the post...in OP's defence, a quick Google will reveal oodles of evidence that we do our babes no favours by sitting them in front of a screen younger than 2-3 years old. My kids are 11,9 and 8 and we have never had tv but they do have a dvd collection and can watch stuff on iplayer etc. so do not feel deprived. They just used to get confused at friends when they wanted to pause a programme and couldn't because it was tv!

"If you want a child who can spend long hours entertaining herself (which will afford you many breaks and make you the envy of all your friends with children); and if you want your child to have the best chance of reaching her educational potential, be able to listen and retain what she learns and need to spend less time doing homework, studying for tests, stressing about school in general; then don’t turn on the TV for the first 2 to 3 years. It is much easier than you imagine. But once you begin using TV, it’s harder." - Janet Lansbury

How much screen time should your Toddler or Preschooler have? Are you ready? In my opinion, no daily time on an ongoing basis.

Of course, screens are a terrific babysitter. If you have a new baby in the family, or you're trying to get some essential alone time with each of your kids, or if you're easing a restaurant meal or long car ride, it's my vote that screen time is worth the risk. But if you routinely use TV so you can get stuff done, you're actually shaping your child's brain so that he will be LESS able to entertain himself over time.

It's better to find a babysitter or a preschool program for a few hours a day. Risking your child's brain development is too high a price to pay for keeping him busy.

The American Academy of Pediatrics is more open on this. Drawing from the research, they suggest that children under age 2 not watch any TV and that kids over age 2 be limited to an hour or at most two, daily, of quality programming.

Well, that's my child fucked then

EvansOvalPiesYumYum it's easy to cut half of my sentence to make me say what you want.. . I am sure that you got my point really well...