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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this?

209 replies

ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:19

I don't allow my son to watch any TV as he is only 16 months and I really don't see the point. My brothers kids spend all their time sat in front of the TV and won't do anything else. I have specifically asked my mum not to let ds watch the TV and when I came to pick him up today he is sat goggle eyed to the TV with my brothers youngest.

I am ever so grateful for my mum looking after ds for a couple of hours for me today but AIBU to be annoyed that he was just sat watching TV when I specifically said I don't want him watching cartoons?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 29/09/2014 16:03

Yabu....be grateful for the child care and just keep your fingers crossed he hasn't od'd on Balamory and lives to tell the tail.

confusedandemployed · 29/09/2014 16:05

Whoopsadazy Grin

andsmile · 29/09/2014 16:06

I wish people would not get so hung up on screen time its more about content than the hardware.

As long as he is active, eats and sleeps his development is well supported despite a few hours tv.

It has its place for help with language and learning 'labels' for objects and building a hierarchy of categories.

When you see him dance and join in singing with prgramms you might...just might admit their is a little benefit in there.

DixieTreats · 29/09/2014 16:06

The issue of TV and toddlers is irrelevant (though I think you're being very PFB and will come to see this eventually). I would be annoyed in your position - you've asked for something and it was ignored. He's your son - that's not ok IMO. But I know lots of people who think that grandparents get a free pass.

If your mum thought that the TV issue would come up she she should have checked with you beforehand, therefore giving you a choice as to what to do with him.

I don't think you can demand things in someone else's home - but I also think they should be considerate....

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 16:07

Lmao, Sunna no I'm not the apple and horse poster but that made me chuckle.

OP posts:
andsmile · 29/09/2014 16:07

or is this about respecting boundaries?

Sn00p4d · 29/09/2014 16:10

Yes I can read.
Perhaps you don't understand the concept of a favour? Whether you pay your MOTHER or not, she is not your employee. She is your child's grandparent. If you choose to give her money then that's your call, how lovely, however unless she is running a nursery/a certified childminder then she remains your mother, looking after your child when you needed a favour. As you have been told, numerous times now, if you don't like it, take your child elsewhere. Everyone knows grandparents do not follow the parents wishes 100%, that's why children like them so much!

Charitybelle · 29/09/2014 16:11

She's asking if it's unreasonable that her mum disregarded her wishes. Otherwise she would presumably have asked whether we all thought letting a 16 month old child watch TV was reasonable (which she didn't). As a majority we may not agree with her choice, but that's her choice.
There was a thread recently from someone not happy that her child was fed cocoa pops at nursery (or something similar). She got a lot of support with people telling her that it was her choice what her child ate, and the nursery should respect that etc etc. I suspect she got support because a lot of mumsnetters inherently agreed that her dietary choices for her child were hers to make. But seemingly TV is a different animal???

OneStepCloser · 29/09/2014 16:11

You paid your Mum for two hours looking after her GC? That's a bit sad, or is it the norm these days?

Did he watch TV for the whole two hours? I'm not a great tv fan but it wouldn't bother me in the slightest tbh, I would let it go, he's probably forgotten about it already.

museumum · 29/09/2014 16:13

I don't see the harm in watching TV at grannies house even if you have no TV in your own house. It's pretty easy for a baby to accept one thing at one house and something else at a different house.

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 16:15

I don't think some of you are getting this. It's not about whether or not I let my child watch tv. It's about my wishes not being respected. If I'd said I bring my child up a vegetarian for no other reason than lifestyle choice and my mum fed him sausages, I should just let her do that then, whether I pay her for the childcare or not?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/09/2014 16:15

ProudAsPunch - it sounds to me as if this was more of a one-off arrangement with your mum, than a regular thing. If this is the case then I woild say that you are being a bit unreasonable to object so strongly to him watching some cartoons. Look at it in the context of his whole week/month, and you will see that it is a very small proportion of his time, and he will have still spent most of his time playing and exploring - doing the sort of things you want him to.

If, however, this is going to be a regular thing, then I do think you have a bit more justification in wanting your mum to try to respect your wishes - but you should also respect her experience, and understand that sometimes she might use TV, when you might not have chosen it - for example, when she is looking after two toddlers! and maybe has to find something to entertain them whilst she does something that can't wait.

I should say that, when my dses were little, I didn't have a total ban on TV, but I did want to limit it - the TV was in the front room, so I used to leave that room shut, and we'd spend the morning in the back room, where all the toys and books lived. After lunch, they'd have their nap, and I would have my lunch and my nap in front of the TV - and once they got up, they could watch TV - it was more TV than you'd like, but was what I thought was a reasonable compromise.

LadyLuck10 · 29/09/2014 16:16

Proud what would YOU have liked her to do in this situation?

jenniferalisonphillipasue · 29/09/2014 16:16

I actually think YANBU. It was 2 hours. If it was all day I would understand but it does seem a little lazy for such a short space of time, especially as you paid her.
I didn't let my dc watch TV at that age. They have limited screen time now and are most definitely not obsessed by the television.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 29/09/2014 16:17

How very odd. The iPad buggy woman got flamed on here only a few weeks ago because she used a screen for an under 2

DollyMcDolly · 29/09/2014 16:19

I've never restricted tv and now my 6 year old never watches it. I can't remember the last thing he watched actually.

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 16:22

So basically what you are saying is I am unreasonable to expect my mum to respect my wishes. Noted. I shall remember to let her do whatever she wants where my children are concerned and never question her.

OP posts:
Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 16:23

ProudAsPunch
I don't think some of you are getting this. It's not about whether or not I let my child watch tv. It's about my wishes not being respected. If I'd said I bring my child up a vegetarian for no other reason than lifestyle choice and my mum fed him sausages, I should just let her do that then, whether I pay her for the childcare or not?

People are getting it. They're saying if you're not happy with your mother's performance as carer then don't use her again. It's irrelevant whether you pay her.

I'd imagine you'd have to beat willing candidates off with a shitty stick.

LadyLuck10 · 29/09/2014 16:24

Why are you ignoring my question? What would you have suggested she did in this situation?
It's all well and good to have demands but don't you think you should have offered a suggestion?

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 16:26

LadyLuck not put the TV on? It's hardly rocket science.

OP posts:
Charitybelle · 29/09/2014 16:27

Lady Luck, why does OP need to provide a suggestion? It was two hours. Are you saying that entertaining two children for two hours is so difficult without TV, that the OP is being unreasonable unless she provides an intinerary of activities for her DM?

OneStepCloser · 29/09/2014 16:27

Don't use her for childcare again then, it's one of those things that some people care more about than others, pop DS into a nursery next time, problem solved.

PrimalLass · 29/09/2014 16:28

My DS is screen obsessed, and has been since 5 weeks old. Still top of his class Grin

LadyLuck10 · 29/09/2014 16:28

So the child who is allowed to watch tv should not be allowed then? So if your mother pleased both sides, that is allow your dn to watch tv and keep your son in another room do you think that would have worked? If he had a tantrum then? Funny you are the one talking about rocket science.

Bowlersarm · 29/09/2014 16:29

Don't use her again.

She doesn't deserve to put up with you being cross with her over something so trivial.