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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this?

209 replies

ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:19

I don't allow my son to watch any TV as he is only 16 months and I really don't see the point. My brothers kids spend all their time sat in front of the TV and won't do anything else. I have specifically asked my mum not to let ds watch the TV and when I came to pick him up today he is sat goggle eyed to the TV with my brothers youngest.

I am ever so grateful for my mum looking after ds for a couple of hours for me today but AIBU to be annoyed that he was just sat watching TV when I specifically said I don't want him watching cartoons?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/09/2014 15:36

She'd have to be pretty hard hearted to remove him from the TV, when he obviously wanted to watch it with his cousin.

And as it's something he's never done before, of course he was fascinated by the cartoons.

springlamb · 29/09/2014 15:37

Did you pay your mum?
Was she looking after him as a favour whilst you went cleaning for some money to put food on the table?
If people are doing you favours then you must give them some leeway on matters not concerning safety and protection.
Such as: I might not give my dc shop-bought chicken nuggets for tea, but if my friend agreed to look after them whilst I had a much-needed hairdo, then I wouldn't complain.
If your mum allowed half an hours appropriate TV, then that becomes a treat only at grandma's.

treaclesoda · 29/09/2014 15:37

nobody of any age needs to watch TV.

But that doesn't really mean much because it's not necessarily harmful to enjoy a bit of tv, no matter what age you are.

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 29/09/2014 15:38

No-one's saying he needs to watch it, but you are reacting as though he'd ingested poison!

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:39

Again, he is 16 months!! Where have I said he will never be allowed to watch TV? I just do not see why at 4 months past his first birthday he needs to sit in front of a screen when he enjoys playing and exploring so much more?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/09/2014 15:40

Why do you keep talking about need?

Do you not do anything just for pleasure OP?

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:41

Springlamb yes I always give my mum some money when she looks after ds. It was for 2 hours while I had a hospital appointment.

OP posts:
reallyneedmoresleep · 29/09/2014 15:41

OP, having come on this forum to ask for opinions, you are being mighty touchy towards the people who are giving you their opinions.

fluffyraggies · 29/09/2014 15:41

But OP, it was freeeeee child care. This means you get don't get any say in what goes on with your DS during that time. AND you must be utterly grateful - no matter what. Didn't you know? Wink

LadyLuck10 · 29/09/2014 15:42

Presumably your dm fed, changed and cuddled your child? IMO that's well good enough. Does she need to keep him occupied every single minute with some activity? If so, then what you need is a nursery or other childcare.

PrimalLass · 29/09/2014 15:42

Because you asked someone else to look after him.

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:42

Excuse me it was not "freeeeeee childcare".

OP posts:
MrsCurrent · 29/09/2014 15:42

Are you actually asking if yabu or are you just after validation because you've really come to the wrong place if so?

Personally I think yabu as whilst the walks/books/games/crafts etc are an essential part of life, so is technology in the 21st century. Kids learn plenty from age appropriate Tv programmes (even we can learn new stuff). Whilst I appreciate too much Tv is bad, at 16 months I think you're being unfair to your dc and dm to stop any at all. Perhaps a nursery might be better if you're that determined but be prepared for you dc to be left out of some of the toddler 'conversations'.

treaclesoda · 29/09/2014 15:44

well, in fairness you can't really know that he enjoys other things more if you've never actually allowed him to watch tv! Wink

I think it's fine for you to make a decision not to allow your child tv at home. But your mum was stuck in the middle a bit.

Charitybelle · 29/09/2014 15:44

YANBU. I think some posters on here seem to have taken this as a debate on children watching television, it's not. My child watches far too much cbeebies, but I still respect your right to ban TV if you want. It's not compulsory and I don't feel like your choice is any reflection on mine, it's just different.

This is about your DM respecting your wishes when looking after your child. Yes, she is doing you a favour, but if she didn't think she could adhere to your request for no TV, she should have just said ' look I don't think I can handle looking after the dc for a few hours without a bit of TV to take the strain'. Then you could have decided how much you cared, and whether to leave your d's with someone else. Whether we think you're being precious or not isn't really the issue. If it was your mum giving him food you'd forbidden or not adhering to his schedule for naps etc, it would be the same thing.
Soooo, I'd suggest just having a frank conversation with her about it. Reiterate how much you appreciate her looking after him, but would prefer he didn't watch TV and try not to mention your brothers kids and the goggle eyed thing, that just sounds mean/judgey and is possibly the reason you haven't had much sympathy on this thread...?
At the end if the day if she was looking after them for a longer period, I'd say suck it up, but for a few hours she should be able to find something else to do with him, and if she can't maybe you need to find someone else for babysitting duties?

WorraLiberty · 29/09/2014 15:44

Blimey, my Mum would never have taken money off of me to watch her grandchildren for a couple of hours.

I suggest you pay it to an OFSTED registered CM instead, to save all the angst.

ARGHtoAHHH · 29/09/2014 15:44

My son watches TV and has done since he was younger than yours.

He isn't a "goggle eyed zombie" thank you very much Hmm. He's not actually that bothered by it. Maybe because I haven't made it inaccessible. Your efforts may backfire, op.

ThisNameIsBetterThanMyRealOne · 29/09/2014 15:45

Same old same old.

Am i being unreasonable?

Yes, yes You are...

NO I'M NOT

Sn00p4d · 29/09/2014 15:45

YABU.
If you're so set on what he does look after him yourself all of the time.
If you expect people to do you favours and look after your child you have to be flexible, it's not your mums responsibility to entertain your child in ways you see fit. He's still in one piece, get over it.

Aridane · 29/09/2014 15:46

YABU

I think it would be difficult for your Mum to separate your child from his cousin in watching TV - though I appreciate your frustration.

I think all you can do is to v v politely ask your Mum if she could avoid letting him watch TV - but if that doesn't work for her and the cousin, then to use other childcare if it's that important to you.

I guess ask what's more important - childcare from a loving grandmother with a bit of TV, or childcare with external childminder with no TV...

ashtrayheart · 29/09/2014 15:46

Yabu, get a childminder if it bothers you that much.

trulybadlydeeply · 29/09/2014 15:47

How often does she look after him? If she has him for 2 hours every day as a regular arrangement, then I guess you do need to discuss some ground rules, although you can only ask her to respect your wishes, not insist upon it.

If she looks after her him infrequently, then it's really not going to harm him, is it? After all, if she has looked after him before, this may have well happen before, but you have no way of knowing. half an hour every so often in front of screen is not going to harm him, when he is spending every other waking hour playing and exploring.

Of course you have every right to bring your child up as you wish. However in her house then she is entitled to put her tv on if she wishes.

Would it be easier to have her babysit at your house in the future?

Original poster
ProudAsPunch92 · 29/09/2014 15:47

Why on earth would I take him to his nursery for 2 hours while I had a 2 hour appointment?! I really don't understand some of you on here. I asked if I was being unreasonable for being annoyed my wishes hadn't been honoured, I did not ask if I was being unreasonable for not allowing my son to watch TV at such a young age.

Thank you for the sensible responses who have actually answered my question.

OP posts:
MrsCakesPrecognition · 29/09/2014 15:47

He can't find playing and exploring that much more enjoyable than TV, if he sat quietly and chose to watch the cartoons. If he was bored he would have wandered off and done his own thing. He doesn't need TV, but a couple of hours exposure to something new and fascintating will have been just as educational as a visit to the theatre, softplay, woods, swimming or any other new and unusual experience.

It sounds as though this is something you are unable or unwilling to compromise on, in which case asking a third party to care for your child seems like a really bad idea. Best take him with you.

PinkSquash · 29/09/2014 15:47

Choose your childcare wisely next time if you don't approve of your mums choices.

Your choices do not override anyone elses.