AIBU to feel 'money is safety'

[weirdiebeardie]

I heard it on a TV program earlier, and it rang a massive bell within me. This is how I am, this is how I live. I had not realised it before.

I believe money is safety. I work my arse off. I always have since I was 13. I worked until the day I gave birth (both over due), I went back to work within 3 months. I feel I have to do it for financial security, or I do not feel safe. Currently I have a 5 month old, I work 14 hours per day, sleep around 4 hrs. I work at home though (self employed). I feel very unsafe at the moment, as I have very little in the way of savings, I had almost paid off my mortgage, but upon deciding to have children I wanted to live near a good school. That decision a couple of years ago, has cost every penny (expensive house, building project), my work is now threatened and I feel very up/down and unhappy/unsafe.

When I was a child we lost our house in the recession. This has always scared me, and I don't know if I am a happy or relaxed person because of this. I spend my life worrying about financial security. Losing work or not having money for bills is one of my biggest fears in life. Is that normal?

Is this a reasonable way to be? Sensible? or completely unreasonable?

p.s. I am a name changer - previous threads would identify me, I'm not comfortable this being linked to 'me' .... yet

Wow – sorry I hadn’t checked back and seen all the lovely replies. I feel much less alienated to know people think similarly. It also raised a question for me. As much as I don’t like my anxiousness surrounding money, I do like what it can bring – i.e. home ownership, at a time where people very much struggle to achieve this. I don’t want my children to feel how I do, but I do want them to be sensible with money and save. I need to make sure I portray a balanced life to them.

preciousbane - Yes he’s been out of work sometime but just returned. I have paid for everything, and at times where he’s had work sporadically I’ve continued to do so (at least for everything boring)– as its all direct debited from my account. Its now agreed he’ll pay childcare costs, so I feel better.

Iggly We could move to rented but would pay more ironically even in a lesser area. However, we could sell up and buy cheaper. It just costs so much to move, that it feels like a waste of money. I want to get my children into the school, and then if things don’t change we could buy cheaper. I just have to keep this up for 2 years and that at the moment seems a stretch!

Staywithme sorry to hear about your husband. We think similarly. I hoard things, and wont throw things away incase they can be sold in times of hardship for example. I overstock the food cupboards too!
skylark2 No not actively wasting money- I’m a control freak on it! Though if he had free reign he would. I wish it was more balanced – me less controlling, him more responsible.

ssd I AGREE! I have no parental safety net. I bought my first house with every single penny saved by myself. I get a bit green when people get handouts. Suzannewithaplan - yes that’s me sometimes – the bailer outer!

Mintyy - I get 4-5 hours with my children per day in the week. 2-3hrs AM, 2 hrs PM. I work around them. Hence the lack of sleep. But you are right I don’t have a healthy balance, and I really need to work on that. I am just so scared if I take my foot off the gas it will all crumble. Maybe it will, maybe in wont. I’m not sure I can yet take that risk yet.

morethanpotatoprints - a home, food, bills paid – all feels safe to me. Having a few grand stashed picks up the slack when emergencies arise. My ultimate position would be mortgage paid and enough in the back to retire... I can dream or I can work my arse of to try and make it happen. The only other way to feel safe I suppose is to rely on someone or something for your needs – family/government. But you run the risk that plan fails.... hence my self reliance anxiousness!

Sorry I didn’t respond to everyone – I just picked up on views/questions that triggered a response in me. I am off to bed soon – new early night plan! :)