To not like porn and would prefer my husband not to watch it?

[Bambambini]

Been on another site and there is an ongoing discussion on women's views on porn. Am I really just insecure and out of step and controlling and being disrespectful if I don't agree with porn or if I preferred that my husband didn't watch it.

A woman on the site was asking opinions as she's not to happy with her other half watching it. Now it seems she is doubting her self and thinks it's down to her insecurities as most of the others seem to see at as just a harmless thing most guys do, especially it seems it's an essential part to jacking off.

I'm curious as to how folk see it here - am I just old, prudish and totally out of step - to say nothing of being obviously insecure and controlling and disrespectful? I just felt so frustrated with what I was reading and that some of the young posters were doubting their reservations and being swayed by the hip and cool porn lovers.

We're older folk and both quite religious (DH Muslim, me Christian) We both detest porn for several reasons:-

It's demeaning to the men and women in the films/photos;

it gives those watching a skewed idea of the dignity and respect due to women (and/or men depending on the film);

it can become addictive;

it's a vast money-spinning industry often using and exploiting vulnerable people.

I wouldn't dream of dictating to other adults what they watch or look at. But I'm glad my husband shares my views about it.

Also, Watching porn is not cheating.... How can it be?. Their actors and actresses ( bad ones at that sometimes ;)).... If hes watching it behind your back, hes doing it because of the reaction hes going to get to admit he watched it and it enjoys it.... Sure you could stop him.... but why would you want to?.... He could stop but then he would not be true to you.... as deep down he enjoys it.

I think its more like your own insecurities that your man could be comparing, which hes not.... well sure he finds them attractive... But i am not naive to believe that another good looking woman is going to turn my hubby's head...

A man should not have to to feel that he has to view it behind your back... Hes a grown man... he should be given the choice.

Well, people get to decide what cheating is for themselves don't they?

for some, it is a betrayal to watch porn and they get to make their own boundaries.

I wouldn't class it as cheating as such, but it would be crossing the boundaries we have and agreed on and a betrayal of those and our marriage.

And sure, a grown man should be given a choice, just as a grown adult of either sex should be about to decide whether or not they want it in their marriage and if they are willing to be in a marriage where one is viewing porn, but hopefully that conversation happens before marriage/serious commitment.

I don't understand how some women would think it is cheating if their husband went to the pub and ended up having some half naked women grinding on their lap, but for some if it happens at a strip club it magically stops being classed as cheating. Horses for courses.

I wouldn't care what other people do in regards to porn in their marriage if it wasn't for how disgusting the industry is and how it is harming young girls and boys and their view on sex with how easy accessible it is now. How people can get turned on when they know what the industry is like is beyond my comprehension. I guess some people care more about getting off than the people behind it all. I don't get it.

Im not in a relationship, but I wouldn't go out/live with aguy who watched porn.

my question is- why do they do porn?

do they say its because theyre not getting enough from wives/partners?

do they not find partners attractive?

do they not feel they get enough attention from partner?

genuine, if naiive question.

I think they do it simply because they enjoy it.

There are lots of things I would probably enjoy but wouldn't do because I find it morally wrong though.

There are lots of things I would probably enjoy but wouldn't do because I find it morally wrong though.

me too.

How people can get turned on when they know what the industry is like is beyond my comprehension. I guess some people care more about getting off than the people behind it all. I don't get it

surely you can see that you're on a very sticky wicket with that argument?

Do you live a life where you are not in any way complicit with the suffering of other beings, do you eat meat, can you imagine the suffering caused by factory farming?

All the products and services that you use and consume has there been no suffering cruelty or exploitation involved?

if you think that we should make an exception for suffering caused by the sex industry then (if you want anyone to take your argument seriously) you need to provide a logical explanation for taking that stance.

I'm not saying that porn is good or bad, just that the arguments are complex and easy to counter and knock down.

Even if you point to research there will be research with contradictory findings, or the methodology can be faulted in some way, for every 'expert' claiming that porn is damaging people or society someone with a different agenda will be able to find an 'expert' claiming the opposite

Of course I don't live a life where I am not complicit in any suffering, no one does, but I do try to limit it where I can. I had no idea about primark, but when I did learn about it I stopped shopping there. I don't do enough though, no.

I just can't bring myself to watch something that I know can very often include real rape and abuse. Not all porn is like that but enough is to make me not understand how anyone could enjoy it when you don't know if that women you are turned on over was raped and abused in the making of it. How do people get past that? honest question.

It is easy enough to not watch porn full stop. And you're right of course, there is research with contradictory findings but after watching documentaries that was enough to convince me that I think it is abhorrent to take the risk of not knowing for sure what you are watching.

It also worries me how easy it is to find now and how my teen has been shown graphic porn on his friend's phone. It worries me that teens are growing up with an unrealistic idea of what sex really is like for the majority of people. I wish it wasn't seen as something that is just normal that everyone does. I think it has a massive negative effect on society and the way women are viewed.

I think we all have an issue where we just can't see the other side, this is mine :)

sure but if you're not able to stand back and objectively weigh up the arguments then your opinion is just based on personal feelings and doesnt really have any weight in terms of understanding what is really going on or finding out exactly how harmful porn really is.
I don't mean that personal feelings arent valid, but they shouldn't be extrapolated to dictate what others ought or ought not to do
I do appreciate you are not trying to dictate what others should do U2 and I agree that this is one area where it is very hard to distance ourselves from knee jerk/gut reactions.

Of course men do not watch porn because they're unhappy with their partners. I have a very happy marriage with lots of sex... I know my husband is satisfied with me, I think he would take having sex with me over porn any day.... and he does, he just enjoys watching porn on occasion.... And we both watch it together too.

And why would him watching porn mean he does not find me attractive, there really is no logic in that... Of course he finds me attractive... He married didn't he? :).... People always assume a man watches it just to ogle women... Of course there are good looking woman in them, just like there are men with big willies in them.... Its the content... I think its a turn on, but that is just my opinion.