To not like porn and would prefer my husband not to watch it?

[Bambambini]

Been on another site and there is an ongoing discussion on women's views on porn. Am I really just insecure and out of step and controlling and being disrespectful if I don't agree with porn or if I preferred that my husband didn't watch it.

A woman on the site was asking opinions as she's not to happy with her other half watching it. Now it seems she is doubting her self and thinks it's down to her insecurities as most of the others seem to see at as just a harmless thing most guys do, especially it seems it's an essential part to jacking off.

I'm curious as to how folk see it here - am I just old, prudish and totally out of step - to say nothing of being obviously insecure and controlling and disrespectful? I just felt so frustrated with what I was reading and that some of the young posters were doubting their reservations and being swayed by the hip and cool porn lovers.

Smoking has nothing to do with viewing porn. It doesn't cost the nhs money for a start.

In your opinion it's wrong, but that doesn't mean your opinion is the correct one for everyone. It's a personal choice.

Also, even if they're the most moral lovely nice men in the world, most (not all) men will enjoy watching naked women on a screen. Just because that may not be nice to think about doesn't make it not true. So while men may not go looking for it, most are certainly not going to reel in disgust if they happen to come across it.
At a very basic level, lots of women don't like their partners getting off looking at other women, who have unrealistic 'perfect' bodies and will do anything.

I've never seen a thread on here where an OP has wanted to stop their partner from ever wearing Primark again, for e.g.

I've often said the same India regarding the ethical debate.

I've also yet to see a thread where someone is upset that their birthday/valentine's/mother's day flowers/chocolates weren't fair trade.

But given the dodgy ethics of many computer/mobile phone manufacturers and the fact we're using these things to type here, I guess I'm unlikely to either.

You know, I absolutely don't have an issue with people getting aroused by looking at attractive naked people doing sexy things.

I specifically have a problem with the fact that pron sex is almost always aggressive, anonymous, de-humanising, disrespectful and degrading to women.

If pron did a 180 and it was mostly all about men giving women real, genuine, mind-blowing multiple orgasms, I think that would be fine.

If only India

I've watched porn where the woman isn't being apparently abused and seems to be having as good a time as she is giving.

With anything, there is a million different types. And even as a woman, I sometimes like watching dominating porn where a woman's body is being used for a mans pleasure. Not all women dislike that and porn isn't all for mens pleasure.

I wouldn't be so sure that porn doesn't cost the NHS money. The incidence of sexually transmitted diseases is at an all time high. Especially among young people < 25 years old.

Young people who have grown up with easy access to porn on the internet. When did you last see a porn film involving a condom?

You don't need porn to get STDs, any city centre on a Friday or Saturday night will do.
Watching porn does not generally cause STDs.

I don't necessarily have a problem with sexually explicit material but most of what is available is just horrid and very very geared towards women pleasing men.
Sexually explicit material designed for women is out there.
Of course I'm don't like to be unfavorably compared to female porn stars with perfect bodies, but then again doesn't the same apply to men, don't all those well endowed muscular young bucks make them feel puny flabby and inadequate by comparison?

It does really worry me what is out there at just a click on their phones and how it will affect how they view sex and girls.

Hopefully, being highschool age, you have already done your ground work there & are brining him up to respect sex & girls/women. If a guy has enough respect for women he will not be swayed by porn/will not watch porn.

Janethegirl I think the point agnesf was trying to make was that porn doesn't exactly promote safe sex!

BamBam

You aren't powerless wrt your children.

You can educate them, be open and talk about it.
You can monitor their internet use and not give access outside the home as we decided to do. Ok, this doesn't stop others from showing them but if you have put your point across they won't be interested.
Teach them not to succumb to peer pressure, to be leaders not followers.
This will go a long way to at least stop them wanting to access the vile stuff.
When they are old enough give them a copy of one of those documentaries about men who couldn't have a relationship because of too much porn.

I agree that talking to our children can help but in the end the best we can hope to do is to mediate the negative images and attitudes perpetrated by a large amount of easily available porn.

This is some interesting research

www.ippr.org/news-and-media/press-releases/online-pornography-worrying-britain%E2%80%99s-18-year-olds

www.lancaster.ac.uk/fass/doc_library/edres/12seminars/limmer211112

Janethegirl I think the point agnesf was trying to make was that porn doesn't exactly promote safe sex!

That's a parent's job though, coupled with what they are taught at school.

That's a parent's job though, coupled with what they are taught at school.

I know that! I was answering something else...

I am not a young woman, actually. I'm 45.

But how can you reconcile to watching it if you don't like or agree with the industry?

There are a lot industries that are horrible for a variety of reasons. Everyone still uses them.

I don't agree with what: oil companies, most banks, several internet 'giants' and all politicians do.

I still work with them and utilize them.

When they are old enough give them a copy of one of those documentaries about men who couldn't have a relationship because of too much porn.

morethan what documentaries are those? Or all the all on channel 5?
Also, this sounds suspiciously like the plot for a porn film. You just need to add the sentence 'until he met Trinitie Rosebud McFanjohn that is' and you're all set for a hit!

moxon

They were on not so long ago, maybe a year or so.
They were proper documentaries, obviously not for children but certainly for lads of about 16. They were quite scientific but had men talking about their problems, I think with faces blurred.
They were informative whether you were into porn or not.
One of them asked a group of men whether they were aroused by images they were shown. They had a monitor measuring levels of whatever you call the thing that turns you on.
I'm not sure what channel, but sure I wasn't the only one to watch.
It was a very good series. Oh, no nudity or vileness, mostly scientific.

Interesting stuff then morethan

I think I might have watched that programme. But it's worth remembering that the males featured will be the minority. The majority of porn watchers won't have those issues and will have normal, sexual relationships.

" The majority of porn watchers won't have those issues and will have normal, sexual relationships."

Nicknacky - are you basing that on the adults you know now who grew up in a different climate of porn and different access. If we are talking about our children now - we have no idea what the effect is going to be yet. It's un chartered territory.

I think the Internet has changed a lot of things. The other thing I was really worried about (thought porn would be the biggest and obvious worry) is the recent beheadings. On another thread we discussed this and some of the posters asked their teenagers and it seems watching these type executions is agains mainstream in the schoolyard and many of the kids are quite blasé about it. Thought porn was bad enough but the thought of my 12 yr old watching some poor mans head being hacked off was really upsetting me.

I'm basing that on the fact that the vast majority of men (and women) have viewed porn. Are we saying they all have sexual issues? No, they won't. It's like saying you are an alcoholic because you had a glass of wine.

I'm in my 30's so in the mid age range for this discussion.

People saying it's a "dealbreaker": didn't you discuss such issues before you got married? And are you seriously saying you'd break up your marriage because your husband looked at some naughty websites? (Which from what most of my male friends tell me, most do occasionally...)

I can guarantee that my husband didn't have the kind of porn on tap when he was 11/12 etc that our young children do now.

It's not comparable and we don't know yet the effect (if any) it will have on our young people.

Not just my husband, myself as well obviously. I have seen snippets many years ago but it wasn't the hard, aggressive stuff the kids have at a click of their phones, or is being shared in the schoolyard.