To not like porn and would prefer my husband not to watch it?

[Bambambini]

Been on another site and there is an ongoing discussion on women's views on porn. Am I really just insecure and out of step and controlling and being disrespectful if I don't agree with porn or if I preferred that my husband didn't watch it.

A woman on the site was asking opinions as she's not to happy with her other half watching it. Now it seems she is doubting her self and thinks it's down to her insecurities as most of the others seem to see at as just a harmless thing most guys do, especially it seems it's an essential part to jacking off.

I'm curious as to how folk see it here - am I just old, prudish and totally out of step - to say nothing of being obviously insecure and controlling and disrespectful? I just felt so frustrated with what I was reading and that some of the young posters were doubting their reservations and being swayed by the hip and cool porn lovers.

Some people are controlling no matter what the subject

Just teach your kids to know their own minds and be respectful of other people's different opinions on this. They don't have to live up to any images whether it be porn or anything else.

My husband doesn't watch porn (that I know of). He knows how I feel about the industry.

I think I'm just worried that with having young boys, one now at high school - I'm really worried about them accessing the vile kind of porn that seems to be really common place now in the school yard and amongst young teens. It's here now and I can't really protect them against it any more. It does really worry me what is out there at just a click on their phones and how it will affect how they view sex and girls.

There isn't really much you can do about that though. I imagine you have made your feelings known but you may have to accept that they may (probably)! will view it at some point.

You would not be controlling to not like your husband watching it or voicing your opinion. Obviously he's an adult and has his own choices and opinions, if they are the some as yours - great- if not then that's something to discuss in your relationship. Same as for any couple.

You'd be controlling if he disagreed with you and you went and threw everything away- taking the choice from him and forcing your point.

People should know their own minds and be sure in their own thoughts and feelings. They should also be in a good relationship where this kind of communication happens.

I prefer erotic books myself but I prefer fantasing. I've never asked DH though I found a film with a tv star he loves (which shows her close to naked) on the same scene every time I went to use the DVD player- despite a different DVD being in the night before.

He probably will access it at some point, which is why it's important to have a talk with him. Lots of boys and girls watch porn.

My advice is to keep your language impartial, otherwise he may feel 'preached at' and end up switching off.

It's a tough talk to get right though.

You need to just explain about porn not being representative of real life, talk about protection and consent and let them make their mind up. Even if they don't like porn they'll view it once, to know they don't like it and to see what the fuss is about.

It's not all black and white. I have huge problems with the objectification of women, the porn industry, it's effect, both directly and indirectly on young boys and girls and their world view and specifically their view of the opposite sex and how they should behave and look.

HOWEVER I really enjoy watching it with my partner and I actually introduced it to our relationship

We can't help what turns us on I suppose.

If it makes any difference I would never ever pay for it. I actually think the normalisation of 'soft porn' in daily life is more damaging tbh.

It's perfectly normal and natural to find it arousing to watch people have sex.

The problem with porn is that the type of sex depicted is nearly always degrading for the woman. Added to the fact that you can never be 100% of the actors' consent.

I go back and forth on whether it's reasonable to ask your partner to stop watching it, or to make it a condition of your relationship.

Personally, I'd find an enthusiasm for porn incredibly off-putting in a partner and would probably end the relationship anyway. But I wouldn't feel within my rights to demand they never watch it.

I'm not the frigging porn police. I just know what's okay for me by my own standards.

Luckily DP hasn't really watched porn since he was a teenager. We've had quite a few discussions around the moral and ethical issues and he knows my stance on it. And because of those discussions he now says he couldn't look at it in the same way any more.

I think your own feelings about something are your own, and as long as they don't hurt anyone, then theres nothing wrong with having those feelings.

However your husband will have his own feelings on the matter too. You can talk about it but ultimately, your husband dictating that you should watch porn, or you dictating to your husband that he shouldn't watch porn, is probably a mis-step.

Do remember that there are different types of porn, just as there are different types of movies or music.

I think though there is often a feeling that you need to be ok with porn to be considered cool, and this often affects younger people who want to feel part of a group.

I honestly think that porn now is horrible. What was called porn in my youth was just something like Playboy magazine which today would probably be the standard of what appears in Hello.

Pretending it isn't porn by calling it erotica is in my opinion a smokescreen.

Where do you draw the line. No one needs to look at other people having sex to be able to do it themselves.

I guess that is what's worrying me. That the whole set up and access of porn seems to have changed a lot from when I was young. Kids seem to be accessing hard porn much younger (wasn't 11 seen as being the age many start watching or at last have a look) It does seem to have the image of being cool - I worry that kids are pressurised to see it as so and to see the hard porn as something they just have to accept as everyday normal part of sex. Surely it must have an affect on what kind of sex is seen as the norm these days and what is expected amongst our children.

I just feel so frustrated and powerless. I don't like this new development our young people are having to deal with.

agnesf no, no one NEEDS to watch it, but some people like to. And porn videos have probably been around as long as playboy. I don't think pron will be much different nowadays, to be honest. Probably just better quality cameras.

It's scary.

But I think you just need to have very open and frank conversations with your kids about this stuff.

If they're of that age where they might start seeking out or being shown porn by their mates, then they should know and understand the issues around consent, human trafficking, misogyny, feminism, etc.

Do you/can you discuss those sort of things in your house?

nicknacky - type porn into your phone and computer and see what comes up. This is what our children are watching. Not some old grainy silly, cheesy seduction type porn - bored housewife takes a shine to the hunky plumber type stuff. Makes me almost nostalgic for what now looks innocent and tasteful in comparison to the stuff our kids are watching.

I have typed porn into my iPad before, and watched it for my own enjoyment.

YANBU to not like it and prefer your husband to not watch it. It's horrid.

Yanbu, it's disgusting

The difference between now and when I was a child is massive. For a start there were no videos when I was a child. Then, once videos existed you would have had to a) go into a shop that sold them b) have had enough money to buy one c) have been able to find a video recorder to watch one on. Even if you had wanted to look at Playboy magazine you would have had to be brave enough to buy one off the top shelf (which you probably couldn't reach) to look at a paid of breasts.

Now all you do is Google it and watch some incredibly explicit stuff. I have done it myself to see what my 12 year old DS might be able to access.

Children do not need to see this stuff and TBH most adults don't either.

Pair of breasts - not paid of breasts

Freudian slip

agnesf yes you are right, it is 100 x easier to view it now than it was in previous years but that's technology for you!

But you keep mentioning need. Taking children away from the discussion for a second, adults don't need to watch it but want to. And while it is legal then that's no one else's business even if we disagree with it.

No-one needs to eat cake but it doesn't stop people doing it.

Just because people can do something legally it doesn't mean that its right. Smoking is legal and so many people do it and as a result become very ill with smoking related diseases cause a huge burden on the NHS.

The arguments against porn are the same as the arguments against mining coltan for iPhones, or clothes made in sweatshops.

But that's not to say you can't be against all of those things and hold others to your standards regarding all those issues. Just that it's slightly hypocritical to cherry-pick your ethics.

I've never seen a thread on here where an OP has wanted to stop their partner from ever wearing Primark again, for e.g.

I'm fairly neutral re porn. I prefer to read erotica whilst I know men prefer watching that sort of stuff. Because their reading skills may be lacking?? or because they are more into a visual experience!!