To not like porn and would prefer my husband not to watch it?

[Bambambini]

Been on another site and there is an ongoing discussion on women's views on porn. Am I really just insecure and out of step and controlling and being disrespectful if I don't agree with porn or if I preferred that my husband didn't watch it.

A woman on the site was asking opinions as she's not to happy with her other half watching it. Now it seems she is doubting her self and thinks it's down to her insecurities as most of the others seem to see at as just a harmless thing most guys do, especially it seems it's an essential part to jacking off.

I'm curious as to how folk see it here - am I just old, prudish and totally out of step - to say nothing of being obviously insecure and controlling and disrespectful? I just felt so frustrated with what I was reading and that some of the young posters were doubting their reservations and being swayed by the hip and cool porn lovers.

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree lovetheautumn or we'll be here forever

Maybe that's the difference here. For me there is no 'emotion' attached to porn but for you there is.

That's why you'd be enormously hurt if you caught him doing it 'behind your back' and you'd view him as 'dishonest'.

I'd simply view him as an adult wanting to watch an adult dvd without the tears and arguments that telling his partner would undoubtedly cause.

BreeWannabe you sound very young and naive. Even if couples didn't discuss it before marriage why is that a problem? Marriage is a work in progress, situations arise that you may never have come across before so you deal with it as it happens. Are you seriously saying you should discuss every possible problem you may have in a marriage before you get married just in case your spouse doesn't like the way you will deal it or how you feel about it?

Porn is a dealbreaker for me and yes my DH knows it, I class it as cheating. But, we have come to that point after 20 years of different problems and yes porn did crop up along the way. Now he knows how I feel about it he doesn't use it, to my knowledge. If he did then yes, hello divorce. It wasn't something we discussed before getting together as TBH we were to busy shagging, and at 16 I hadn't really had much experience with porn.

the m and s guy?
good body but just a bit too 'polished' imo, there needs to be an element of ruggedness for me :o

lol yes Worra lets agree to disagree, you are right I do attach emotion to it :) sometime wish I don't but oh well that's me!
bambam yes i agree with your thoughts, i just hope my son grows to appreciate women for everything they have, their sense of humour, their kindness, as well as their boobies! lol, as i know i can only protect him a certain amount. reminds me of a funny story, we got back from being in the car for a while, husband was listening to radio 4 i think it was, and was finding it interesting, so he's come in and turned tv on, and blasé as anything just put babestation on the tv hahaha, to which he's gone wtf?!?! apparently the channel number for radio 4 on virgin which we used to have, is the same as babestation on sky hahaha, the shock on his and our sons face! i couldn't breath for laughing! anyway my point being, my son's already had a nice view of babestation!

I dont like agressive and degrading porn either, I dont know what the solution is, maybe women should push back and refuse to sexually engage with men in ways that they dont like?

difficult subject to discuss dispassionately!

My DH works with a lot of men whose wives think they find porn abhorrent, when in actual fact they just agree with them for a quiet life, and watch it on their phones away from the house.

Where is he saying these men are watching it? While driving or commuting? in the office or at other peoples' houses?

Arf @ Babestation!

When I was 19 I used to work in a Pawnbrokers. I remember being at a wedding and my Aunt asking what my job was.

I replied without thinking, "Oh I work in pawn now".

I've never seen my Mum leap in so fast with "She means pawnbroking!! P.A.W.N"

She even spelled it, bless her

Also the problem with sex is that it is a thing on it's own, we can make analogies to support our arguments, eg would you stop your partner seeing friends that you don't personally like, but the analogy is never sufficient to support our case because nothing is directly analogous to sex.

In the factory they all work in John, during lunch/tea/cigarette breaks.

'I've never seen my Mum leap in so fast with "She means pawnbroking!! P.A.W.N"'

?I suspect that many men develop a particular talent for memorizing and visualizing sexual scenes so that they have a library of mental images that they can call upon when in need of some extra erotic stimulation.
Who knows what or who your partner is really thinking about during sex?

I am reminded of the line in the Alanis Morissette track 'are you thinking of me when you fuck her '?

Gosh. I'd be genuinely surprised if they did that where DH works. I imagine behavior in an all male work-place is very different to a mixed one.

It's not an all male environment but very male dominated.

Mmm, I can imagine...

In DH's workplace and in most places I've worked at however that would be massively frowned on, or a disciplinary offense.

Yeah that's what I don't get.

Either no-one seems to mind, or no-one in authority seems to notice.

I guess they're not going to be peering over their shoulders at their tiny phone screens, but all the same it's odd.

The obvious solution is to flood the internet with normal people, having normal, run of the mill, Wednesday night - can't be arsed to shave my legs - sex and then falling asleep so that teenagers cannot put porn into a google without running the risk of seeing Derek and Dora from up the road going at it in the most unacrobatic, boring but loving fashion. Who's with me?

God, I sound like such a bloody killjoy but I have worked in mixed factories and I would mind if the guys were huddled in the canteen looking at porn or round the back of a machine when I was nearby and it has happened when I was much younger. One of the techs downloaded some porn onto the computer screen of one of the machines. Problem is, as a young woman maybe outnumbered by male colleagues I would have found it difficult to speak up and voice my objections or discomfort - or you are seen as being one of those - a boring killjoy. Maybe i should just change my name to Mary Whitehouse.

"The obvious solution is to flood the internet with normal people, having normal, run of the mill, Wednesday night - can't be arsed to shave my legs - sex and then falling asleep so that teenagers cannot put porn into a google without running the risk of seeing Derek and Dora from up the road going at it in the most unacrobatic, boring but loving fashion. Who's with me?"

Actually, that's genius.

Deal breaker here, for both of us.

DH 'read' a mag once as a teen but hasn't looked or watched porn in any way since. He hates it as much as I do and thinks it is seedy and the women are treated like crap and he can't get turned on knowing what often goes on behind the scenes.

And to the person who asked.

Yes we discussed this before marriage. He brought it up in fact. Yes we would end our marriage if the other viewed it.

I don't agree with marrying someone then telling them they can no longer view it. For us it was just something we agreed on before marriage.

Oh and he isn't agreeing with me for a quiet life

He brought the subject up first after something came on TV and told me his views on it. My husband would never, ever, stop doing something he wanted to do or lie about something to keep me happy. He is way too pig headed for that.

That's what annoys me. People would be horrified if it was one of their children on the screen getting penetrated by multiple men, double anal, spit roast and it goes on and on and on. Men in control of the situation and it's the women getting the raw end of the deal. Just as long as it's not one of their own.

As I said, I watched a few documentaries. One was an already established porn star in the Uk AK trying to crack the US market. Another was a married 30 something mum trying to get into the UK porn industry. I think if people choose to watch porn then they should at least view such programmes to get a balanced view. See what often goes on behind the scenes.

personally i think yabu but that is because my DP uses porn and so do I, we don't live with each other and sometimes have to take business into our own hands. we're only into softcore stuff, mainly home made. but you have every right not to like it, I just can't see why it is a deal breaker. But everyone is different, so yanbu in that respect. I just think if soemone wants to watch it and it's not illegal stuff, let them. I never even watch stuff like "double anal" or "spit roast", I wouldn't do it irl, i think it's awful because it doesn't turn me on, but I will watch home made, pegging, female friendly, as thats what I do in real life. I can put myself with DP in that scene, I don't see those people, neither does DP, he sees me and him. We don't watch illegal stuff and it's actually really vanilla, but he may watch it say once a week, I watch it more than him, I'm more bored on a night when I'm not with him.
ANYWAY I digress. Porn is totally okay imo, i don't need replies like YES BUT ITS DEGRADING TO WOMEN not the stuff I watch it isn't. Home made stuff is made by real people filming themselves. It's people who are actually real, bigger women, 'smaller' men, giggling, the fun part it's cute and a turn on and thats what me and DP like and we will watch it together. It's totally okay but I hate seeing things on tumblr with BDSM girls in stocks crying (even though it is renown BDSM studios and it's purely acting) I just don't like seeing it SO I WON'T WATCH IT. Don't like? Don't look!

also can I add that I have found things through porn to try with DP and he has said how excellent I am at certain things now, how spicy our relationship in the bedroom is because of the ideas we get from porn, etc. We have found a lot of our little fetishes from porn and the experimentation that comes from a teenage relationship that is still there with us now. We have a very healthy, normal relationship. neither of us are addicted, we are perfectly happy with each other and have an amazing sex life, which I will thank to the rather softcore pornography we watch, which actually shows women (and men!) actually enjoying themselves. I like it very, very rough but thats because thats what I like, I never saw that in porn. He doesn't like it like that so we have to comprimise and find something else. This is why I think you cannot control what your partner does, at all! I've had arguments about that because I don't like DP's friends! I can't control what he does! It pushes people further away!

Well, I am glad it has improved your sex life. I find things I like sexually all the time without it. I have a great sex life, but it isn't thanks to porn, it's thanks to our good marriage and experimenting with each other.

Who said you can control what your partner does? I can't, which is why I married someone with the same view point as me. Sorry if you don't want replies saying it is degrading, it is, even the stuff you watch. I think the Sun is degrading to women, so is the shit in music videos and magazines.

How do you know these women doing this home made porn aren't being coerced? how do you know anything about these people you are watching? do you know them personally? don't you think reducing people to just people to get sexual kicks over is degrading? I do. Would you want your daughter to be seen as a sexual object for random people to masturbate over? I don't.