Bra-less at my BBQ?

[BioSuisse]

Last night DH and i hosted a BBQ for newish friends whom we had never hosted before. DH invited a female colleague whom i had never met before. She turned up with her boyfriend but not her bra. She was wearing a thickish cotton white top. You could see the outline of her boobs and nipples if you looked.

After the party i mentioned it to DH. He claimed to not have noticed.

MN jury?

What does it matter how long she knew her boyfriend for. He is her boyfriend. Should she have come without a partner at all... would that have helped?

Somebody asked in an earlier post so i was replying to the question, lyingwitch

lyingwitch i never said my DH had done anything wrong. Why are you trying to assume we have problems, we don't. I simply thought her having her boobs on show at a party of her boss was inappropriate. I have been put right and admittd so many times earlier in the thread.

The way your OP is worded implies that the 'MN jury' are invited to comment on whether your DH noticed or not.

I like boobs, so I wouldn't have minded too much. I would have probably just pointed them out to dp, and we'd have had a giggle about it.

I would probably have also made a point of offering her the burger buns while saying "Baps?" I'm that kind of mature, sensible woman...

I don't even know you, BioSuisse but your posts are a bit off to me. This woman was dressed. She was wearing a t-shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. She was at a BBQ as an invited guest, not as an employee. You will not have failed to make her uncomfortable.

She wasn't being inappropriate in any way but YOU were. That's bad manners.

I have no idea if you and your husband have problems but there's something not right with your perception of this woman's motives in not wearing a bra. Why the hell should she?

You mentioned in your OP that you mentioned it to your husband and he said he didn't notice. So that should be the end of it then.

I think it's fine and no ones business but hers. Untethered hugely fashionable ATM maybe it was that I am hugely envious with my E cups! When I was young and everything was in the right place I would have gone braless under a shirt and wouldn't even have thought about other people tbh.

Think you are getting a bit of a raw deal here Op !!

I wouldn't be bothered but if you are then that is fine , I'm sure many other people would see it as inappropriate. ( my mum would !!)

Be kind people !!

The prudishness and slut-shaming on this thread is appalling.

Yrs,
An Old Hippy
(who didn't wear a bra until the age of 40, and still often doesn't wear one - it's not obvious whether I do or don't, actually.)

Let's bring back burning our bras. Some of you 20 & 30 year olds need to learn a thing or two.

Her choice to wear or not wear a bra.
Your choice as to whether to think this odd and also your choice as to whether you invite her back to your house.

Personally I would think it was an odd choice not to wear a bra to your boss's BBQ.

OP is getting quite a hard time for nothing I think. Yes, a DH will notice all breasts, as all DHs and DPs do.

Sometimes you just need to be there to fully understand an OP's point, and I reckon this might be one of those occasions.

As a relative oldie without kids I am always amused by the nipple concern of recent years. If someone had predicted this (and fanjo waxing) when I was young I'd have probably thought they were crazy. It's quite a useful reminder of how norms change and aren't really norms at all (bit OT).

Sorry lyingwitch but i do not have bad manner and did not make her feel unwelcome. Stop assuming so just in order to further your point. I have admitted i was wrong in thinking she was inappropriatly dressed many times. I have tried to end the thread but it just keeps on going

Turning up bra less wasn't a good decision. I agree. Too casual, and a bit sexual. Not quite right.

Could easily be construed as a bit seductive. Seems disrespectful to first meet of hostess, unless you think you are at a swinging bbq.

This is such a non issue! Where was this party Surbiton?

Confused about her 'boobs being on show' - she was covered with a garment - a t shirt, - a bra is just another covering garment.
Maybe she doesn;t like bras - underwear isn't compulsory (or possibly it is under Putin and she is celebrating her new found freedom from oppression) in any case, if she's been brought over from Moscow, she's presumably good at her job, she may have made an error over BBQ - bra etiquette, but shouting 'this food is shit' and throwing it over the hedge would have been worse IMO (she didn't do that did she?)

Her boyfriend sounds a bit of a goer - well done to her for nabbing herself a proud cock displayer after being here for such a short time.

She sounds brilliant fun - I'd cultivate a friendship with her.

I'm not accepting that, BioSuisse, you've said all through the thread that she her attire was 'inappropriate', even after you accepted that you were wrong.

If you want to end the thread then stop posting on it and maybe hide it.

I'm not out to offend you but I don't like your comments about this woman. Your husband noticing/inability to notice is your own affair.

This thread makes it sound like she chose to take her bra off for effect rather than she just doesn't like/need one which is probably closer to the truth

It's quite a useful reminder of how norms change and aren't really norms at all (bit OT)

Another "oldie" (huh!) here. The current weird modesty about always having to wear a bra is so so hyocritical & contradictory, because most bras nowadays (that one "has" to wear) are push-up or padded. There is, as someone sad upthread, a huge acceptance of breast enlargement (now if we're talking about inappropriate let's start there).

Yet there's also a fashion for wearing leggings with thongs, so buttocks are pretty visible, or wearing visible underwear, baring midriffs, and so on.

So why the prudishness about nipples? They're just nipples.

Yet again, women negatively judging other women's bodies. Why do you think women do this? In whose interests is it for women to police other women, judge them, and moralise about them?

Think about it OP and others who are judging women's bodies & behviours like this.

Post-feminist age? Pah! don't make me laugh

minkah... Breasts are sexual? They're also for feeding, which is their primary purpose. Having them loose doesn't make them sexual or seductive.

What a horrible post.

Yanbu to me OP. I would never want people to feel uncomfortable at my breasts swaying about every time I moved or my nipples being a temperature gauge/ indicator as to when to put the patio heater on...

OP, I think you do not deserve the rudeness and pathetic comments that some posters have made. You asked a question and have taken on that most people think you are wrong. I really think that some people have just got a gone a bit over the top in their responses to you.

Perhaps they think they're amusing

applauds UpTheChimney modestly... so as not to cause jiggling breasts and offend further.

Seems disrespectful to first meet of hostess

Disrespectful?! Disrespectful? She was wearing a "thick cotton top" FFS

I can think of a lot of ways of treating someone disrespectfully. Not wearing a bra when you meet them is not one of them.

Lying witch, I'm so sorry. I missed the part which explained she was bra less in order to feed a baby.

I made such a horrible post saying breasts are sexual. Gosh. I hadn't realised how horrible I could be.

Thankyou for pointing it out. I'll definitely attempt to spread the truth from you that thinking breasts are sexual is horrible.

Yeah.

Lying jiggle away won't offend me! Thank god for 1970s Women's Lib is all I can say.

I feel really sorry for girls and young women today, if it's now seen as inappropriate or disrespectful not to wear a bra.