Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I stopping my little girl from growing up!

77 replies

OlderMummy1 · 20/09/2014 21:17

I have always thought (rightly or wrongly) that children grow up much too fast these days and I think I am subconsciously trying to keep my babies as babies.

I am starting to really notice it now with my almost 3 year old DD. Some of her friends seem so 'old' for their years. Is this just the way children are these days? Am I doing my DD a disservice?

For example, at toddler group the other day a group of girls about my DD's ages were pretending to dress up like mummy and put on make up. My Dd has absolutely no idea what make up is as I rarely wear it, nor do any of the women in my family that my DD spends a lot of time with, only for very special occasions.

Her friends are also Frozen obsessed. My DD has never watched a film as I feel they are too old for her. She sometimes watches a bit of Peppa Pig or Postman Pat but I feel that she has many years ahead of her to enjoy films when she can understand them.

My DS is 7 months old and not really mobile yet so he still wears only baby grows which I have had a few 'jokey' comments about. I see some babies muffled up in jeans and hoodies and they just look so uncomfortable. I just want my baby to be comfortable and don't really care if he is 'trendy' or not.

We live a very outdoorsy, country sort of life so maybe that has something to do with it. Also, my DD hasn't started nursery yet (something else I'm putting off as I'm dreading it) so maybe it will all change then.

I do worry that i may be holding them back from growing up and that it may become an issue in the future. I don't want them to feel 'different'.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 20/09/2014 21:19

they are 3 and 7months - unclench

Annunziata · 20/09/2014 21:21

Well.... I don't think you are stopping her from growing up but I do think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Putting make up on is fun for little girls and boys. They like the colours and they like seeing their faces differently. It's not the same as a 14 year old putting on make up. It's just face paint.

I think you are being precious with Frozen and films. They are just stories. Children love stories! It's still childlike to act them out and sing the songs.

Dress him how you want, but it is unusual these days.

She's only 2, so early for nursery. But try not to dread it- it's such a great environment and she will flourish there.

Bulbasaur · 20/09/2014 21:22

Not being exposed to something doesn't make a child retain innocence. It just means if they are exposed they'll make their own assumptions instead of being guided by you.

It's why preacher's daughters are always the ones that get pregnant. They don't inform them about sex, and then they run around knowing fuck all about protection and consent.

Also, children's brains physically only develop so fast. They will still be little and have a child like understanding of even complex issues if you expose them to it.

mrscog · 20/09/2014 21:22

I think yab a bit unreasonable about the copying Mummy stuff. That is very natural - DS is 2.5 and loves putting a necklace onike me or cleaning the cupboards with me etc.

I personally don't disagree about films either. I do let DS want dh TV but a few calm pre recorded things such as Tractor Ted or Peppa Pig. I don't really see the point in films until more like 3.5/4 but I know lots of people disagree with this.

I do think childhood is short and it's nice to give children space away from adult stuff for as long as possible. I went to a 2 year olds party where they used house music for the pass the parcel and I do admit I cringed. I went to another a week later where they used music from In The Night Garden and it just seemed so much nicer!

MollyBdenum · 20/09/2014 21:23

It sounds as though you are doing fine. Your DD might not be watching films, but I imagine she gets plenty of opportunities to be independent outdoors - you aren't wrapping her in cotton wool. I think with things like films and merchandise and dressing up, it's fine to wait until the child expresses an interest. And be aware that younger siblings tend to be a lot more streetwise than their big brothers and sisters.

WorraLiberty · 20/09/2014 21:23

The children you describe sound no more 'grown up' than yours

They just enjoy doing different things.

MammaTJ · 20/09/2014 21:23

They will grow up when they are good and ready no matter what you do.

I love babies in babygrows. Babies do look uncomfortable in some more grown up clothes.

The attention span at 3 is not big enough to sit and watch an entire film, but setting them out to be different can cause it's own problems too. Not at this age so much, but maybe later on. Just be aware of that.

mrscog · 20/09/2014 21:23

Oh and don't dread nursery, if you get the right one they're lovely. My DS is in full time 8-6 with no ill effects on his innocence or development!

plantsitter · 20/09/2014 21:24

I think it depends where they come in the family. Dd2 is now 3 and is interested in stuff that dd1 wouldn't have heard of at the same time.

parallax80 · 20/09/2014 21:24

It's unusual for 7 month olds to wear babygrows? Really?

MomOfABeast · 20/09/2014 21:24

Haha my DS wire baby grows until he was walking - it's just easier and more comfy. As to the make up thing I think at three its more pretend play than growing up too fast. They're just copying what they see which is a orally normal stage and has always been this way. (My DS loves pretending to sweep but I don't think he's in any hurry to tidy up the house for real).

As for nursery your DD is obviously getting out to socialize so you're not holding her back, a few extra years with mummy will probably only help her feel secure when she does start school.

Surreyblah · 20/09/2014 21:25

children seeming "old for their years" is pretending to put make up on and having seen Frozen? Confused

plantsitter · 20/09/2014 21:25

Also playing with makeup is just creative play... I let mine (3&5) loose with the snazaroo set when it was on offer the other week and they were absorbed for ages.

hiccupgirl · 20/09/2014 21:25

I can see where you're coming from but you def need to relax a bit - things like Frozen are just stories and tbh the amount of creative role play my DS 4 and his friends have got out of it is amazing.

I do think it's a good thing to want to protect your children from growing up too quickly but role playing with clothes or makeup or stories is an important part of children learning about the world around them.

chorltonrocks · 20/09/2014 21:26

None of the things you list are particularly important parts of growing up. Does she use the toilet independently? Dress herself? Feed herself? Walk instead of use a pram? It's significant that she's your oldest too. My youngest of 3 is 4 years old and her big sister is 9. She knows about One Direction and has watched various films as well as had a crack at her sister's lip gloss! This doesn't mean she is more 'grown up' than other children the same age.

Fairywhitebear · 20/09/2014 21:28

My 4 month old lives in babygros. I hate jeans/hoodies etc for babies. You're not alone in your thinking. JoJo do some really nice leggings with feet that are so comfortable!

Hmm. As for your 3 yr old, I think it's probably normal to play with make up etc. That wouldn't worry me.

I tell you what I hate. Photographs of little 2 and 3 yr old who are posing with one hand on their hip, weight on one leg and to one side, like a celeb. That makes my skin crawl.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2014 21:28

I think there is a time and a place to 'baby' children and a time a place to not, iyswim.
For example, I cuddle my girls, 3&5, loads and loads, I sing them to sleep etc. so, babying them.
But, I let them try to do anything they want to, such as climbing trees etc and am always amazed at what they can do.
I think you shouldn't get obsessed about it either way.

waithorse · 20/09/2014 21:28

You are being ridiculous about the make up/Frozen thing. Do you really think a 2 year old is growing up to fast because they play at make up or know about Frozen ? Stop judging people.
YANBU about dressing ds in babygrows. By far the most comfortable outfits for lo.

WeirdCatLady · 20/09/2014 21:28

Dd spent most of the first six months in nothing but babygrows as they were easier all round, but there is nothing wrong with little outfits either.

I made a pfb vow that no bloody Barbie dolls were being bought as they were too grown up. Yup, you guessed it, cue a whole pink explosion.

Take a deep breath or two and try to relax. Your children will pick things up from all sorts of people and places and you cannot control that. Nursery will be fab for your dc. You can't keep them wrapped up in cotton wool forever, sooner or later you have to give in to the inevitable.

Just think yourself lucky that Bratz dolls aren't as popular as when my dd was younger ;)

Pointlessfan · 20/09/2014 21:31

I have a real dislike of babies in jeans. My baby does wear dresses or t-shirts with leggings but I just think denim looks too uncomfortable so she has never worn jeans. Several people have commented how lovely it is that she still looks like a baby!
I worry about films too because of all the marketing that goes with them, I wouldn't have an issue with dressing up in mum's clothes though.
You have to do what you are comfortable with, if you never wear make up there would be no point buying it just so a 3 year old can play with it!!

Original poster
OlderMummy1 · 20/09/2014 21:33

My DD has also been a bit later in potty training than most of her friends. Their mums tended to just take their nappies away one day and go for it whereas I have taken the more relaxed approach of letting her play outside naked a lot over the summer with a potty nearby so she sort of potty trained herself. We are at the stage now where she is in normal knickers but still have a couple of accidents a week, usually when she is engrossed in something. Maybe I did it the wrong way.

I do think I need to be aware of being too 'protective' in the future. They are much wanted children after a long battle so I know I am guilty of being a bit too precious.

OP posts:
poolomoomon · 20/09/2014 21:34

Well firstly trying on your mums make up, shoes, jewellery etc isn't being 'too old for their years', it's a perfectly normal part of childhood that many of us will have done, it's fun for young children to pretend to be their parents- their heroes! It's just dress up, like dressing up as a doctor or police officer.

Secondly Frozen isn't for older children, it's rated U so anyone of any age can view it. However I wouldn't expect most three year olds to sit through a movie, my four and a half year old still gets bored after maybe 45 minutes. Now if it were Family Guy you'd have a point...

Seven month old in babygrows is perfectly normal isn't it? I kept mine in babygrows at night until they were two, during the day until they were one. So cute and comfortable for them. Agreed about babies in jeans, they definitely look uncomfortable especially in car seats.

They won't suddenly grow up and start acting like they're 25 because they're exposed to 'grown up' things, don't worry.

poolomoomon · 20/09/2014 21:34

Well firstly trying on your mums make up, shoes, jewellery etc isn't being 'too old for their years', it's a perfectly normal part of childhood that many of us will have done, it's fun for young children to pretend to be their parents- their heroes! It's just dress up, like dressing up as a doctor or police officer.

Secondly Frozen isn't for older children, it's rated U so anyone of any age can view it. However I wouldn't expect most three year olds to sit through a movie, my four and a half year old still gets bored after maybe 45 minutes. Now if it were Family Guy you'd have a point...

Seven month old in babygrows is perfectly normal isn't it? I kept mine in babygrows at night until they were two, during the day until they were one. So cute and comfortable for them. Agreed about babies in jeans, they definitely look uncomfortable especially in car seats.

They won't suddenly grow up and start acting like they're 25 because they're exposed to 'grown up' things, don't worry.

SevenZarkSeven · 20/09/2014 21:38

Just do what you think and don't worry about what anyone else is up to.

Is my advice Smile

superstarheartbreaker · 20/09/2014 21:38

Frozen is fab. Dd is 6 and she knows what sex is ( school friend told her and tbh I am pleased) and we went to Ibiza this summer where we overdosed on house music ( in the day time of course) . She also loves build a bear and believes I. Santa and the tooth fairy.
Your kids are so you d relax but also rejoice in knowing that growing up is FABULOUS and dosnt have to be fast.

My parents were very cagey and odd about sex and I was fucked up as a result . Let it go, let it go.....!

Swipe left for the next trending thread