Am I stopping my little girl from growing up!

[OlderMummy1]

I have always thought (rightly or wrongly) that children grow up much too fast these days and I think I am subconsciously trying to keep my babies as babies.

I am starting to really notice it now with my almost 3 year old DD. Some of her friends seem so 'old' for their years. Is this just the way children are these days? Am I doing my DD a disservice?

For example, at toddler group the other day a group of girls about my DD's ages were pretending to dress up like mummy and put on make up. My Dd has absolutely no idea what make up is as I rarely wear it, nor do any of the women in my family that my DD spends a lot of time with, only for very special occasions.

Her friends are also Frozen obsessed. My DD has never watched a film as I feel they are too old for her. She sometimes watches a bit of Peppa Pig or Postman Pat but I feel that she has many years ahead of her to enjoy films when she can understand them.

My DS is 7 months old and not really mobile yet so he still wears only baby grows which I have had a few 'jokey' comments about. I see some babies muffled up in jeans and hoodies and they just look so uncomfortable. I just want my baby to be comfortable and don't really care if he is 'trendy' or not.

We live a very outdoorsy, country sort of life so maybe that has something to do with it. Also, my DD hasn't started nursery yet (something else I'm putting off as I'm dreading it) so maybe it will all change then.

I do worry that i may be holding them back from growing up and that it may become an issue in the future. I don't want them to feel 'different'.

When your DS is 3, your DD will be 5 and a half.

Therefore, do you not think he's going to pick up 'older' things from his sister, such as films etc?

That is very true Worra. I'm sure things will be very different with the 2nd child

Dd1 (3.5) loves pretending to put make up on and dressing up in my clothes. She also loves Frozen and any films with singing in. She is still very much a little girl and very innocent - I don't think either of the above would make her grow up too quickly, it's just make believe. I was never allowed to watch films / listen to music / wear jeans etc and so was always the odd one out and generally ostracised and bullied.
However my 7 month old often goes out in her onsie - it's much more comfy and she gets trapped wind if she wears something with a waistband.

I do Agree that those grotesque plastic heels things are wrong. When it comes to sex dd thinks it is hilarious ( instead of shameful as I did) and natural and interesting. She dosnt go round dressed like a stripper and I never mention it unless she asks a direct question in which case I don't go into detail but neither do I lie or berate her.

Tbh I am glad she no longer likes Pepper Pig or in the midnight twaddle but she has a keen interest in Fossils and geology. Much more healthy childhood per suits and Frozen is very PC and feminist and just lovely.

Dd wears a onesie. She's 6.

I think all kids are different and I don't think there is an issue here. I see nothing wrong with children imitating their parents, my daughter plays with her toy kitchen and imitates me cooking, she has a toy phone which she has hilarious conversations on, she likes to put clips and things in her hair and she likes to try on my shoes. I don't think that makes her "grown up", she is just playing. But equally I don't think it is a problem if your children play with different things. Not all children enjoy role play type games, and if your daughter is happier playing with leaves and sticks in the garden then so be it.

Are you working at the moment? If not then there is no reason at all your 2yr old should be in nursery? They generally don't get the funding til the term after they turn three, and it isn't compulsory anyway, so no need to worry about that at all. I'm also really surprised that you feel she is later potty training that all other kids and she isn't even 3 yet? Sounds like she is right on schedule or even early with potty training.

Do what you feel is right for your children, but do bear in mind that just because others are different doesn't make them wrong. In the a me way, it doesn't make you wrong either. Though I do think you will soon find a time where your daughter is asking to watch the films that her peers are talking about at school, it's hard to be the one left out not able to join in a conversation so I think that is worth considering when she starts to be aware that she is missing out on some of the things her peers are allowed to enjoy.

There is nothing wrong with watching films at 3 and nothing wrong with them not watching films at 3.

There is nothing wrong with a 7 month old wearing baby grows and nothing wrong with a 7 month old wearing jeans.

There is nothing wrong with letting a child potty train themselves and nothing wrong with taking away the nappies and 'going for it'.

Maybe I did it the wrong way I am afraid this is coming across as a little disingenuous and you actually seem a bit judgy about the way everyone else is doing it.

Just do your thing, and let others do theirs.

OP - my DS puts on my shoes, will walk around with my bracelets on (although to be fair, they are currently being used as crowns for his monkey toy who is this week, King Monkey), asks to have his nails painted etc. He's just copying mummy (he is 4 BTW). If you don't wear makeup then she's not learned to copy you, but it doesn't mean she's any less 'developed' than the other girls, just that she'll probably copy other of your behaviour she does see, it's just it might not be so obvious unless you look for it (does she does any role playing like cooking or looking after a baby that she's copying what she's seen you do?)

BTW - you might want to unclench about Frozen, it's a film about sisterly love and overcoming fears, it might be nice for her to see and think about her and her brother. (And the songs are rather good).

As a few people have pointed out already, birth order makes a big difference. I'm on DC3 and let's just say that if she wants to watch Frozen for the third time or prance around in just knickers with a bit of my (very expensive Clinique) lippy on then if it means a bit of peace then so be it. I simply don't have the time and energy to give too much of a shit.....whereas DS1 was a strictly organic, wooden toys baby :)

oh and while hard jeans aren't that comfy for babies, moving to trousers and tops do have hte advantage that poo explosions/bibs coming off at meal times means that you don't have to do a full outfit change, just half. It means they don't have to get as cold at nappy changes in winter as most of their clothes stay on.

well, you sound quite similar to me, so that's 2 of us! I had DD in babygros and sleepsuits for a long time - didn't see the point in proper clothes when she couldn't walk.

and Frozen is a PG, no good reason for a 2 year old to be watching it when there's other things for her to watch. Though I know I'm a lone voice on MN about kids watching films to young (LOTR/Harry Potter at 4 or some such nonsense).

I'm perfectly happy for DD to be a little girl, because that's what she is!

River little girls can still be little girls while watching Harry Potter or Frozen

It's all about parental choice and sibling order but there are no rights or wrongs here.

You sound as if you are doing fine. You do what works best for you and your family. There are no hard and fast rules.

Relax a bit more about nursery/pre-school though. I always think it is better for children to learn to socialise and mix out of the home for a while before they start school. I have three daughters, and they all definitely benefitted from it. The middle one was terrible for separation anxiety when I first took her to start pre-school. She was two and a half then. I ended up going to every session for about three weeks while she learned to settle. It isn't pleasant, but I was sooooo glad we got the worst of that out of the way at that stage. Starting school in reception was no problem at all, in fact it was a doddle by comparison.

Dressing up is a normal thing for children of that age to want to do. Mine had a few outfits they liked for that sort of thing. I used to love it as a small child too. I remember a large box my mother had set aside full of a vast array of her own old clothes and shoes. It was my dressing up box and I loved it. I would have been no older than 3.

As for a 7 month old in babygros, why on earth not? Mine wore them almost up until they were fully mobile. Nothing wrong with that.

It's okay to have different cultural exposure. Not about growing up or not growing up really I don't think.

My 5 yr old still hasn't watched a film, we've offered a good few times and he doesn't want to. He prefers to watch Planet Earth and Blue Planet. Not exactly sweet and innocent really.

My kids wouldn't play with makeup because no-one in the family wears it, it's not on their radar. DS also says no whenever face paint is offered. (He knows his own mind this one!) And they do dress like me - jeans and t-shirts If the parents dress up in glitter and makeup of course the children will want to play at doing that too.

You'll know it's time to expose your DCs to things when they're asking you for it and suddenly it seems like just a quirky thing your child wants to do, not all that grown up after all. If it still seems too grown up when they're begging maybe it is.

DD at 2.5 seems very grown up compared to DS at 2.5, she wants to do what he can do. If he was into Frozen I have no doubt she would be too.

Oh, and my children weren't in babygrows much because they're the wrong shape and babygrows never fitted properly. Nothing to do with being grown up.

I think you should relax a bit. There's nothing grown up or wrong with pretend play, children's films, baby jeans or nursery, it's just different to the way you are doing things.

My 2&3 year olds love putting on my make up on even though I barely wear it
They watched Frozen in the cinema kids club because my older two wanted to see it.
All my children have worn soft denim jersey lined dungarees and jeans from crawling age because they are hard wearing for when they crawl outside or on my slate floor and they are cosy. Babygros are lovely but they are quite thin, fine for babies who are mostly lying around under a blanket but IMO not enough for mobile ones.
My older two have made friends at nursery they are still friends with at 14 and 10 years old, my three year old has just started and is loving every minute of it.

WRT potty training surely it involves taking a nappy away at some point however you go about it. My older three were all trained quite late but dry within a week for the older two and two weeks for the third.

Don't really see how children imitating their parents and watching frozen is taking away their innocence tbh.

I thought you were going to say your friends DC were watching rude music videos and copying them or something. Not that they are role playing and watching a children's film.

Everyone does things differently. I tend not to give a shit tbh. Easier that way, I've enough with my own kids.

If a little boy was pretending to shave because he had seen his dad do it, would you think he was growing up too fast and not innocent? It's not really any different to a little girl copying her mum put on makeup.

I think it doesn't matter that your DD doesn't do those things, as long as you're not stopping her from experiencing new things as you deem them too "grown up". Not saying that you're doing that of course, but kids can learn a lot about the world from imitation, dressing up and films - and enjoy them as well. For example we live somewhere that never has snow, and Frozen taught my 2 year old all about it.

There is no wrong or right way to bring children up, all parents and more importantly children are different and I dont see why so many people feel the need to compare and judge!

For what its worth though I do agree children are deffinately growing up fast these days you can do whatever to try and keep them babies but once they start nursery/school and have a circle of friends they start to develop their own interests and curiosity.

I have 2 daughters aged 8 and 4 and also have 2 boys and ive always enjoyed doing their hair, nails and make up etc when they have shown an interest in it. They also both love Frozen and One direction. My Children have always enjoyed films from a young age they probilly would get bored half way and play with a toy or something but films such as Frozen, Lego movie, Toy story, Cars etc have been watched over and over Im not quite sure how it can make a child more grown up.

I was at a fair today and my 2 eldest 8 and 6 went on a mini rollercoater thing, there was another boy from my 6 year olds class at the fair and wanted to go on when he saw ds getting on and his mum made the comment he was too young. I felt that was a bit of an over reaction as tbh id seen really young children on it would of let my 4 year old twins on it but they wernt bothered.

Hmm, Frozen is actually PG not U. I've come across a lot of 5 year olds who are scared by it (boys and girls). I think as it's a Disney cartoon people make assumptions and don't check ( or care).

Having said that I do think you could introduce a few films. Personally I think they can help with attention span if you choose the right one. Winnie the Pooh or Peter Pan?

I do think you need to understand that children do copy and they don't know at 3 what is grown up and what isn't. By the time they get to 5, well that's a whole new ball game!

Honestly, I think it is good for children to be exposed to some stuff.

I don't mean violence and the like obviously. Frozen is however a good example of a sort of cultural reference that in a sense little girls born between approximately 2007 and 2012 will 'get' I think. Similar to My Little Pony of "my day."

Dress your child as you wish, I personally think it looks like parents haven't bothered to dress them bit I'm sure you don't care what I think There are clothes that are comfortable and not babygros though.

What Hazeyjane said.

Do whatever you want, but don't judge others and don't second guess yourself.

Three year olds often have toileting accidents. It's no reflection on the training approach. It just means they have busy little girl/boy syndrome. Toilet training is a continuum, not a once off thing. You need to keep gently reminding. Sometimes it helps if you hand over responsibility for the wet clothes and little puddles for the child to deal with herself, with a guiding hand from you.

If you are conscious of being overprotective or wanting your DD to remain uncontaminated by the rest of the world, then that might be a problem.

If you encourage your child to be increasingly considerate of others, polite, co-operative (as much as is developmentally appropriate) and expose her to plenty of healthy social experiences then she will be fine.

Maybe retool your idea of a healthy social experience?
Don't go out of your way to deprive her of the 'social currency' of what is actually pretty harmless entertainment. Don't push it on her if she doesn't seem interested, but don't wear yourself out seeking alternatives if she likes what is on offer. For young children, I would look at the rating for films however, and take it seriously.

I had a few Disney and other movies (Snow White, The Aristocats, Beauty and the Beast, Charlotte's Web, Cinderella) and also a lovely series of Beatrix Potter stories (The World of Beatrix Potter iirc) and usually the DCs chose Beatrix Potter. DD2 fell in love with The Lion King II when she was about four however, and we had a non Disney version of Pocahontas that a lovely little old lady bought us as a gift thinking it was the real thing with an unbelievable price the DCs loved it. It doesn't have to be all Disney blockbusters for a small child. There is plenty else on offer. The DCs loved an American PBS series of 'Curious George' episodes, all short and very charming with a vague educational component. The DCs really didn't want to sit through a long Disney feature film with full on visuals and music and complex plots until they were much older than 3 more like 5 or 6 iirc. And I read to them a lot.

I didn't wear a lot of makeup, but I let them wear my shoes and I kept a dressup box with fancy scarves that could be used for all sorts of costumes, plus a few skirts in glittery fabric that I made myself (fabric, elastic) and some capes in different colours. Second hand shops yielded a few items for fancy dress that were much loved and well used including some handbags.

And of course we did a lot else too, outdoors, and had lots of creative toys indoors.

And babygros were par for the course clothes wise until they started crawling and ended up crawling up into the armpits of the babygros.

Babygros are indeed quite thin -- come to think of it, my DCs were all born in late spring and early summer and really only started crawling in the autumn/winter, when they really needed to wear clothing that was a little more weatherproof.