Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I stopping my little girl from growing up!

77 replies

OlderMummy1 · 20/09/2014 21:17

I have always thought (rightly or wrongly) that children grow up much too fast these days and I think I am subconsciously trying to keep my babies as babies.

I am starting to really notice it now with my almost 3 year old DD. Some of her friends seem so 'old' for their years. Is this just the way children are these days? Am I doing my DD a disservice?

For example, at toddler group the other day a group of girls about my DD's ages were pretending to dress up like mummy and put on make up. My Dd has absolutely no idea what make up is as I rarely wear it, nor do any of the women in my family that my DD spends a lot of time with, only for very special occasions.

Her friends are also Frozen obsessed. My DD has never watched a film as I feel they are too old for her. She sometimes watches a bit of Peppa Pig or Postman Pat but I feel that she has many years ahead of her to enjoy films when she can understand them.

My DS is 7 months old and not really mobile yet so he still wears only baby grows which I have had a few 'jokey' comments about. I see some babies muffled up in jeans and hoodies and they just look so uncomfortable. I just want my baby to be comfortable and don't really care if he is 'trendy' or not.

We live a very outdoorsy, country sort of life so maybe that has something to do with it. Also, my DD hasn't started nursery yet (something else I'm putting off as I'm dreading it) so maybe it will all change then.

I do worry that i may be holding them back from growing up and that it may become an issue in the future. I don't want them to feel 'different'.

OP posts:
Surfsup1 · 21/09/2014 00:31

If it was your 3yo in baby grows then you'd have reason to worry.

IMO the biggest factor in how grown up a child seems is their position in the family - younger siblings generally seem so much older for their years than their older siblings. Lots of contact with older cousins or friends can also have same effect. DOn't worry about it too much either way.

honeycrest · 21/09/2014 01:01

My DD will be 3 in December. She likes trying on my shoes and putting on lip gloss because she is with me all day and sees me doing those things. If I am painting my nails she asks for some on her nails too. It's natural and I don't think it means she is growing up too fast. It's a game, it's not like she goes out in full make up or anything.

She also watches films. She loves finding nemo and monsters inc and is perfectly able to understand them.

I don't think you are stopping your kids from growing up but I don't see any reason why playing dress up or watching films should be actively avoided.

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2014 01:10

A film is just a different way of telling a story. I assume you read to your DC?
Sitting watching a (suitable) film with them is good too.

My DGC thoroughly enjoyed films such as Toy Story, Cars and others from quite a young age. Hasn't made them grow up any faster. Nor has wearing jeans. They are just typical of their age group now. (5 and 3)

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/09/2014 03:34

You sound smuggy mcsmuggerson I'm afraid. Films are just stories and not some nefarious influence on children's innocence. Potty training depends on the child entirely, yours wouldn have done it if she wasn't ready,nor would theirs. There are no prizes for methods of potty training, the end result is the goal and how you achieve it isn't reall important.
Baby gros are crap for crawling in as they need their feet exposed IME, otherwise they bunch up and can get in the way. Try soft trousers and t shirts maybe, they aren't the devil!

CheerfulYank · 21/09/2014 03:47

I think you're fine, though you do need to perhaps rethink "innocence" because I really don't think experimenting with makeup or having seen Frozen (which I love :o) makes one less innocent.

I had some of the same worries about mine, tbh. Not that they would be less innocent, but that they wouldn't "get" things other kids were talking about because we don't have a TV. We do have a laptop (well we did til I broke it Blush ) and have an iPad, so we watch Netflix.

I was surprised because some movies DS would watch and love, like Mary Poppins, were not liked by other kids because they were too slow or old fashioned. Also I'm admittedly a bit of a prude and don't let the kids watch things with sexual content, and I don't like anything too violent.

But when he went to school, it all kind of evened out. He gets along fine.

The thing I try to be most careful about is not being judgmental in front of the DC. Like saying "it's fine that D's mom said he can go on YouTube but our rule is that you can't."

CheerfulYank · 21/09/2014 03:49

Oh and babygros on babies in the US would be thought of as extremely odd...maybe because we call them "sleepers", they are seen as pajamas only?

But I'm sure they are very comfy. I dressed mine in leggings or sweatpants.

hellodownhilldepressionfuckoff · 21/09/2014 03:56

I woke up at 4am once to be faced with my son covered in eyeshadow

He knows mummy puts it on (but like you I rarely wear makeup)

Its a thing. Please don't worry

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 21/09/2014 08:54

YABU.

Not necessarily in your motives and parenting choices, but in your disparagement of everyone else's choices. We all do what we think best for our own DC at the time.

You may or may not be holding your DC back, I don't know them and even if I did, I wouldn't comment. However, those of us who do differently are not thrusting our DC forwards and trying to force them to grow up too quickly.

WRT to the e.g.s you gave, my 5yo watched her first film the month before her 5th birthday. She simply wasn't ready/didn't want to before then. It was Frozen, and she was desperate to watch it because she wanted to fit in with everyone else, having been playing Frozen games and singing frozen songs in the school playground without really knowing what it was about. She's watched one film since then which we all watched as a family, inc DS (2.6). We had a really lovely afternoon, but the DC aren't particularly interested in watching any more films just yet and would much rather read books. This doesn't make them 'better' children or us 'better' parents, it just shows that atm they don't have the attention span or the ability to process rapidly moving images and sound to enjoy films. Film is also a cultural art form, just as much as books are, so no need to be sneery.

Potty training - different methods for different DC. Both mine would have got really upset at being left to wander around without nappies/pants on. They also both hated being wet, even as babies. Both mine decided that they were 'big' now and asked for pants. We took them to the shops, let them choose their own pants, and that was it. DS is 2.6, he's never yet had an accident, though it'll happen sometime.

Babygros. YABVVVVVVVVU on this one! But I guess your DC didn't/don't have severe reflux? They are the most impractical things in the world. When the baby vomits, you have vom over a whole outfit, not just part of it. You need a toothpick to scrape it out of the poppers. You have to put your hands in the vom in order to undo it and then everything goes through the opening onto the baby (requiring a bath) and also slides off sideways onto whatever they're lying on. So much better to find tops with shoulder poppers, arms out, over the back of the head, then lift off top with vom inside. Whip new top on. Job done, no faffing about with dozens of poppers 20 times a day. You can even change them sitting up.

Also, whoever else said about Jersey-lined jeans is spot on. At 7m both mine were crawling well and cruising. Their little knees would have been shredded in babygros! There's also the inescapable fact that the crawling motion inevitable ends up with both legs stuck in the same babygro leg, leading to great distress.

Finally, dressing up. Call it 'growing up too fast' if you want to, but most people call it 'learning through imitation and role play'. Are you going to stop your toddler pretending to cook or make you a cup of tea as well? Because most people would think that opening ovens, pouring boiling water etc are not suitable activities for young DC and if you're not going to allow them to pretend to be grown-ups then you really ought to be consistent about it. Make sure you never allow your DC to climb into a toy car and pretend to drive it!

Idontseeanysontarans · 21/09/2014 09:17

I do think you're being a tad over protective about your 3 year old - children copy what they see and position in the family is all important.
For example: I have a teen boy, a 9 year old girl and a 3 year old girl.
Now I would put money on you looking at my youngest and thinking she is far too grown up for her age. She veers from Peppa pig to Adventure time via the odd Tim Burton film because that's what she is exposed to regularly. She occasionally gets hold of my make up and makes a mess of my benefit bronzer or puts on her sisters old dressing up shoes because they are there available to her and she likes them Smile on the other hand she is still toddler with toddler ways.
My eldest at the same age was incredibly innocent and I was all about the PFB, nothing other than children's programmes if TV was on at all etc.
You'll look at your younger in a couple of years time and realise that they are different, and you are different in your attitude. It happens to us all Thanks

NickyEds · 21/09/2014 09:19

I think you're judging other parents a bit. No one "worries" about a 7 month old in baby grows. Maybe the other babies are more comfy in leggings and top and their Mums aren't just trying to be trendy. Maybe the other Mums knew their babies were ready for potty training and just took a slightly different approach to you about how to do it. It's by no means unheard of for a 2 year old not to have watched Frozen or gone to nursery!

Mmmicecream · 21/09/2014 09:47

I think you're justifying your different parenting decisions to yourself by telling yourself that you're letting your kids be wee children for longer than other parents do.

You're not, though. You're just parenting differently, end of. Whether or not children "grow up too fast" has nothing to do with it, as there are probably things your DD does that her peers don't. And nor does living and outdoorsy life have anything to do with it - we have one too, and my son still watches Frozen Grin

maisiemarlow · 21/09/2014 10:01

Why the good heck would you want to put a 7month old into anything EXCEPT a onesie!? How much effort is jeans and tops and skirts and shirts and and and!? Onesies are the best inventions every beside just letting them scoot around nekkid. Grin

Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople · 21/09/2014 10:24

When you are looking for nurseries you may like to see if you can find a forest school.

Mrsjayy · 21/09/2014 10:24

Pretend make up dress up playing mummy shops whatever is just playing thats all no different from your dd playing you are making a bit of a mountain out of this but no you are not keeping your dd to young , frozen is a Disney film kids like disney they little girls parents are not exposing them to romcoms . We all do our best to raise our children and you sound like you are doing it just fine.

Mrsjayy · 21/09/2014 10:27

As are the other parents

Mrsjayy · 21/09/2014 10:29

21 years ago I had my baby in babygros for the first few months now new borns are in clothes nothing wrong with that it just looks faffy Grin

Idontseeanysontarans · 21/09/2014 10:31

I only stopped the baby grow thing during the day because DD's were both bum shufflers and we have hardwood floors. It is damn near impossible to get the things clean again after they've spent the morning shuffling from one end of the hall the other despite cleaning the floors regularly! We moved onto t shirts and nappies for indoors and slung a pair of leggings on if we went out.

bruffin · 21/09/2014 10:35

My DS is 19 and my nieces are in the mid 20s, neither me or my dsis kept out dc in their baby grows all day, they were for nighttime only. I dont think they are very practicle at all and a pain to do up.

Artandco · 21/09/2014 10:38

I think it's fine

Both mine wore babygrows until 12-18 months when I potty trained ( hate changing nappies)

Eldest is nearly 5 and hasn't ever seen a film, and has no idea what frozen is. We have no TV at home, but I think they watch odd clips of stuff at school so he has just started seeing TV at 4 1/2. Ds2 is 1 year younger and hasn't ever watched anything yet. As adults we also don't watch so seems normal here

I wouldn't worry about the make up, however mine are boys and when they see me putting it on they ask questions, and they say it's just for 'grown ups'

I think mine are still ' grown up' for their age despite the above. They have both been potty trained for years, eat politely, sleep well, ask many interesting questions, climb trees, can walk miles, etc etc.

honeycrest · 21/09/2014 16:36

I think an 18 month old wearing babygrows as day wear is a bit strange to be honest. Do you mean the all in one sleep suits? They aren't suitable for running around playing outside at all. They are too thin. What about shoes? Did they not ask to wear clothes? My DD would have been choosing her own outfits (within reason!) at that age. IMO opening and closing 10 buttons is way more hassle than whipping off leggings when changing nappies.

Artandco · 21/09/2014 16:42

Honey - yes sleep suits. They probably wore until 16/18 months and I only stopped as potty trained then. Looked the same as leggings half the time. At say 12-16months They would be in baby vest and babygrow, with cardigan on top, and sheepskin style boots. All you see is leg part and small bit at neck. Warmer than just top and leggings IMO, and stopped them getting cold legs in sling. Indoors they wore slippers on feet.

Sizzlesthedog · 21/09/2014 17:10

My three yr old hasn't seen Frozen.

I don't think she'd sit still that long.

I'm with you op, I don't want her to watch Frozen yet. Although if she asked I would let her, but at the moment she hasn't heard of it.

Shahsham · 21/09/2014 18:01

I read MN religiously when pregnant with DS1 and saw loads of posts about how great it was keeping babies in babygros for months on end so I decided to do just that...until friends gave us soft jogging trousers aged 3-6 months. I was a total convert! Far easier than loads of poppers. Just whip them off for nappy changes/sick etc (also a severe reflux baby)

DS2 has been in a vest and joggers since he was about 6 weeks Grin

Marmiteandjamislush · 21/09/2014 18:13

You are not stopping her from growing up at all. Putting make up on and watching Frozen are not 'milestones' I am 37, and consider myself a grown up and I have done neither of these things. To me, you would only be stopping her from growing up, if you were preventing her from doing things she can like dressing and feeding herself, providing there are no additional needs.

MiaowTheCat · 21/09/2014 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.