To be incredibly pissed off at male sperm donors..

[LexiVexiBear]

Who only offer their 'services' if it's through natural insemination (I.e having sex with the woman) or the woman performing a sex act on them!

I more than likely am but just need a rant! A dear friend of mine and her girlfriend have decided that they would like nothing more than to start a family but since they cannot afford IVF they have went down the route of sperm donation and artificial insemination. The thing is most of the 'donors' they have found that are in the same location (or close) and contacted more or less demand NI which really isn't an option for these two ladies!

I'm sorry I know people have preference and some women pick NI, nothing wrong with that as it can be more affective that artificial insemination but honestly in my opinion these men are completely sleazy and are preying on desperate women for sex! They claim to be offering their services because they want to help and make a difference yet they only want sex?!

Yes, there are numerous sperm donors but unless the women picks NI I don't think men like this should be allowed to take advantage of women or couples who are desperate for a baby!

NutcrackerFairy I don't share your trust in the integrity of politicians.

Upandatem I don't think the donor/pre-conception contract has to be written by a fertility lawyer but it probably helps. Fertility lawyers have a great deal of experience in this area and have a very good idea of what works and what doesn't in known donor arrangements, potential pitfalls, legal precedence, etc.

From what I understand pre-conception contracts are not water tight in a legal sense... however if a legal dispute was ever to arise between recipient/s and donor the contract instructs the court as to what was originally agreed. The court however will hold the welfare of the child as the paramount consideration and so will order the known donor to pay child support or award them contact rights accordingly.

I am not a lawyer but I do work in the fertility field. The HFEA licensed clinic where I work always encourages single woman, unmarried/un-CP heterosexual/same sex couple recipients to consult a fertility lawyer if they are planning to use a known donor who will have regular involvement in the child's life.

It can be so important for everyone to know where they stand from the outset and for there to be no miscommunication or uncertainty about who is going to be considered the parents, who will be on the birth certificate, what happens if known donor and recipient disagree on aspects of the child's parenting, etc, etc...

OP YABU, it's their sperm and its up to them how they share it and it's unfair to call them sleazy. I've read so often on here feminists ranting about how women should have control of their own bodies, surely the same applies to men? Your friends can always say 'thanks but no thanks'

Upandatem would you mind telling me how you went through the process of PR and adoption?

I am genuinely curious and it is really helpful when I am talking with patients about this to be able to give them a sense of what others in their position have done and what worked well for them.

However I do understand if you feel this could be too much personal information or you would prefer not to for any other reason.

velvetcloakofsilence As I said earlier the law was changed retrospectively to impose liability for CM on many pre-1990 divorced men. There cannot be any cast-iron guarantee that it will not be done again.

As for allowing donor-sperm children to trace the donor (when it becomes effective in 2023) - if it was only for the sake of the medical history the name and address could have been withheld. I knew one of the campaigners and he wanted to trace his father if he could. It is no wonder that the number of young men interested dropped: if you were a student in your early twenties the slightest risk that a stranger might walk up your path and into your life when you had a wife, a mortgage, and children at school - even without legally enforceable financial claims - would be daunting.

What do you have against women accessing donated sperm?

Nothing. I'm in favour. That's why I want to make it something that potential donors can do without risk.

Have been reading this with interest. Having talked to a large number of DC children / young adults there seems to be a desire from THEM that they can find out info at a later date if THEY wish to. This seems to apply to children of same sex, single parent and heterosexual couples too (let's not forget that a number of cd children are born to 'nuclear' families as well.

That should be 'dc' children not 'cd' children

Exactly Princessgenie

Seems to be what all the research regards DC adults is indicating.

And it makes sense really. as it is their history and conception and their desire or need for information is paramount.

Of course some DC adults may not be interested in the identifying information about their donor and the decision to find out more and then to make contact or not is entirely in their hands [from the age of 18].

Probably going to get flamed for this but in a lot of cases some of these men very likely just want to have sex without a condom. There are a lot of men who will go to any lengths to avoid condom use. A situation like this they will see as a gift and that all their Christmases have come at once. And they are taking advantage of the womans longing for a child to do this.

velvet ive loved reading your posts on this subject and i can understand why you did things the way you did.

You talked about women having to put their bodies through the gruelling stages of fertility treatment and it made me remember a Red magazine interview with actress/chef Lisa Faulkner who had fertility treatment a few years ago. (It didnt work and she adopted a lovely little girl) but i remember her saying she gained 2 stone because of the amount of milk she had to drink. Im guessing that this isnt the only impact that fertility treatment can have on the health of the mother.

Gosh - this topic really gets the bigots out doesn't it?

FWIW Andrew - I would never have used donor sperm if it hadn't been possible for my child to trace their donor at 18. Considering the rights and needs of any DC child is really important.

And juditz - you're falling for the fallacy that any father is better than no father. How about Yasser Alromisse who shot his daughter in the head last week? Or Fred West? Or any of the numerous men who feature on the relationship board here year after depressing year who are mentally, emotionally, financially and physically abusive to their partners and children?

Are those 'better' than no father?

I don't think so.

Hmmm. This sounds dubious. No reputable clinic would ever agree to such a donation method.

Eh?

I really don't see the problem to be honest.

If you don't like the way someone is behaving don't use their services?

Creepy dude is creepy, why would you want his sperm anyway? Might make creepy babies.

Well OddFodd that's how you feel. The men who might have volunteered before 2005 and now don't think otherwise and it's their call.

Hi everyone, not sure if anyone's used the AI sperm donor forum (www.spermdonorforum.net/index.php) before, but i wanted to warn you about it.

a potential donor (baby4u) on the site was extremely abusive and homophobic in a conversation with me.
i contacted the admin of the site twice, but didn't hear back from them at all in about 4 weeks.
i wanted to warn people on the site about this donor and posted the conversation on the main message board of the site.
i tried to log in about half an hour later to check if anyone had replied, only to find that i have now been locked out of the site.

i wanted to let people know because he is likely to do this to other people as well.