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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to cancel childs birthday?

141 replies

LandOfWishfulThinking · 18/09/2014 17:35

Childs birthday is tomorrow.

After a lot of excited waiting, with one day to go, it seems to have all got to her.

This morning she searched the house and located a present unwrapping it. She was told off, and told that she shouldn't look for presents and open because then there's nothing for tomorrow. "Okay mum"

But the search continued, and she's now found her birthday cards - in my sock drawer (so shes actively searching not randomly stumbling across). She then found a few cake decorations for her cake Im making tonight in a different place. Im very annoyed now so Ive told her, if she continues to search and she finds one more thing - her birthday is cancelled.

Its not an empty threat, but I am wondering just how okay it is to actually carry it out. And to what extent? So no presents and she has to wait another day? Cancelling family visiting (theyre close to us so it wouldn't be a issue to cancel, just upsetting to her and probally a little to them) Completely cancelling?

Hopefully touchwood there will be no more searching and it wont get to that.
But if it does, AIBU to carry it out?

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 18/09/2014 18:00

He still remembers it to this day

I'll bet he does.

scarlettsmummy2 · 18/09/2014 18:00

Don't be so mean!

Kewcumber · 18/09/2014 18:04

4 seems a bit young to be learning "life lessons" Hmm

velveteenbunny · 18/09/2014 18:04

Totally disproportionate to the crime! Really bloody mean! Reminds me of the poster who came on and wanted to punish her DD for unwrapping a kitchen spatula by making that the only thing she received at christmas.

Get some perspective ffs!

seasavage · 18/09/2014 18:04

My mum did 'cancel' my birthday once. She still 'marked the day' with happy birthday, a plain cake (she always decorated it with me) and as I'd unwrapped my presents there was nothing left to open.
There was no special candle in my morning breakfast. I now love unwrapping presents and opening cards It is the best bit!

Purpleroxy · 18/09/2014 18:04

Omg she's 4 Shock
I thought she was going to be 9
You don't cancel a 4yo's party !!!

wherehavealltheflowersgone · 18/09/2014 18:04

This is all about YOU not your dd OP! Sounds like she hasn't ruined her day, just your perception of how it should be.

She's 4, she's excited. So what she found them? The people visiting tomorrow will cheer her up if she's opened everything today.

And in future hide stuff better if it means so much to you

Original poster
LandOfWishfulThinking · 18/09/2014 18:05

Arabella - That's how Im thinking. Ive said it now, admittedly in anger, I don't think its backtrackable now really. She is being naughty recently (unrelated) and she does need to know what mummy says goes. That there aren't empty threats.
Hopefully, shes gotten the message with the threat. And I don't want to cancel it at all, but I also don't want her to learn that my threats are meaningless

Catsmamma - First time I was in the toilet, second time making lunch (she found two then). I do have stuff to do, and Im not going to make her follow me everywhere so I can keep an eye on her at all times. Its hardly teaching her a lesson doing that. Were in a flat, I can keep and ear out (hence, shes been caught).

And yes, shes turning 4 tomorrow.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 18/09/2014 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peppa87 · 18/09/2014 18:06

Don't be so bloody mean!

FunkyBoldRibena · 18/09/2014 18:07

And I don't want to cancel it at all, but I also don't want her to learn that my threats are meaningless

She is 3, and you just need to get better at hiding things.

velveteenbunny · 18/09/2014 18:07

So she's still only THREE? That's unbelievably horrid.

Of course you can backtrack - you can admit that Mummy's sometimes make mistakes and that YOU were in the wrong by threatening that.

And this:

" Cancelling family visiting (theyre close to us so it wouldn't be a issue to cancel, just upsetting to her and probally a little to them) "

Oh, so family are close and that means it doesn't matter if their plans get messed around? Not to mention you'll upset everyone because of YOUR bad handling of the situation.

Seriously, get a grip and admit you got it wrong.

Original poster
LandOfWishfulThinking · 18/09/2014 18:08

Sound of you are being really OTT in my opinion.
No Im not going to send her off to an orphanage eye rolls

And the birthday isnt cancelled. The threat has simply been made. The question is, to carry out with it or not if it happens again.

But the threat may just be enough in itself. Hopefully

Nobody here made a threat and then thought 'bugger, I might have to carry that out' No? Just me?

OP posts:
pilates · 18/09/2014 18:08

Yes you are!

Wisheswerehorses · 18/09/2014 18:09

She's far too little for this op. You are being pretty harsh, IMO. Hide things out of her reach. It does sound like this has been built up and she is excited. I thought you were talking about a much older child.

MrsSlocombesPussy · 18/09/2014 18:12

I'd make the punishment a bit more immediate, that's far too young to understand delayed consequences.

WeirdCatLady · 18/09/2014 18:13

I'm 41 and my family and friends still hide presents away from me until the actual day as I couldn't help myself if they were kept in the house. Dd, on the other hand, is so nonchalant about presents I can keep them in the living room unwrapped with a bin bag over them and she won't look. (She thinks I'm weird and I think she's weird)

At 4 I think you've got to take responsibility and hide things better.

BeaLola · 18/09/2014 18:13

No you don't cancel she is 4 , well nearly. They get excited and if its been hyped up in advance they get beyond excited.

I would probably hide any presents away really securely and up high - my DS go in the wardobe on top shelf behind handbags. He knows not to go in my wardrobe/drawers- he is 6. Christmas gifts I store in the garage or loft.

4 is pretty young and I get excited even at 46!

amazinggrace2001 · 18/09/2014 18:14

Just put things on top of a cupboard where she can't reach them!

Kundry · 18/09/2014 18:14

You need much much better hiding places if a 3 yr old can find everything.

I think tomorrow she won't remember the threat so actions/consequences will be lost.

The most you can do is maybe delay it a couple of hours on the day or miss something out eg no cake.

She will already have the disappointment of no presents and cards as she's already opened them.

gordyslovesheep · 18/09/2014 18:14

so she's 3

get a grip

hide things better

don't be mean

CromerSutra · 18/09/2014 18:14

It would annoy me but I think I'd say "what a shame ! There's no surprises for tomorrow now" and leave it at that. Find somewhere inpenetrable to hide them next time . She is very young but I agree with you that she ought to understand "no" by now. I wouldn't cancel the birthday though. That is going too far.

ThereMustAndShallBeTea · 18/09/2014 18:15

What's your endgame, OP? Obedience at any cost or something else?

feebeecat · 18/09/2014 18:15

YABU.
Get better at hiding presents & think before you issue threats.

CromerSutra · 18/09/2014 18:16

Sorry, just read that she's 3!!! That is very young. Find a better hiding place then!