You! Yes you interfering cow in Boots!

[grobagsforever]

No my baby was not too hot under a shade. I only put it on whilst in the air conditioned shop! I have had enough of friends and family interfering with the parenting of my children since DH died without strangers chipping in. I'm 33, smarter than you'll ever be and she's not my first baby.

You have now made me cry in public. Thanks.

Oh my God elporto!

Oh my God yeah the sleepy noises. My MIL was of the 'well aren't you going to pick him up?' camp. What and make him uncomfortable and stop him from falling asleep?

OP so sorry for your loss. So entires it just takes one more thing to tip us over and it sounds like she was it. Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

MrsMogginsMinge I am totally going to steal your technique! I have had women peer in at DS1 when he was a little baby asleep in the pram and say things like " ooooh, just wait until he's 2 (or 4 or 15 or whatever age their kids obviously began playing up)." Or "it's easy when they are small isn't it, it just gets harder" (couldn't BELIEVE someone said that one, it's true, they did). My answer was always a cheery "Thanks for the encouragement!" But it used to irritate me and it was too subtle for most of these nosy bitches to get.

I do hope the "fuck off" or other rude response brigade will be proud and happy when their children do the same. After all, they'll only be standing up for themselves and telling it like it is, won't they?

I have had enough of friends and family interfering with the parenting of my children since DH died

grobags maybe this^ is the real problem and what you really need to address?

I'm sorry you feel so horrible. I remember your previous threads but not the timescale. Do you have a nanny yet/ due to start soon? When are you due back at work?

It's a wonder that anybody approaches, smiles or even catches the eyes of any woman with a child for fear of being growled at or worse. It's sad really but no skin off my nose.

The women I feel sorry for are the ones who would like interaction with other people; perhaps they don't have family/friends around as much as they would like. They'll be unlikely to get it.

The terminology used on this thread is just awful and, if you really speak to people like that, expect an echo back.

I never experienced anything like the events reported. I like bulbasaurs responses, they're measured and non-offensive.

There's a difference between offering help and being rude and patronising though. It's got nothing to do with age though, I'm in my 50's and I know enough to keep my nose out of other people's business. There's nothing difficult about keeping your mouth shut.

"There's a difference between offering help and being rude and patronising though"

Not according to most people on this thread, there isn't!

Oh fgs Hakluyt what are you chatting about?

There isn't anything in the OP's account to suggest the woman was rude fatlazy; Patronizing, maybe, but that is hardly crime of the century if it was essentially well-intentioned advice.

Someone saw me hesitating with my wheelie bin last week and stopped to advise me how to manoeuvre it up my step (I was actually looking at damage caused by an attempt to remove the house number and presumably steal it). I am a perfectly fit and healthy lookig person in the prime of my life. I could have taken offence and verbally abused them but why on earth would I? Say thank you, smile, let it go

There's certainly a difference in interpretation. Some people would assume that the lady in question was concerned that you might have forgotten to remove the blanket when you came indoors and was just trying to help. Some would think she was a malicious interfering busybody. I tend towards giving the benefit of the doubt, I know that if I do react more harshly I usually feel worse afterwards than if I just shrug things off, two wrongs don't make a right.

I'd like the poster to explain "cliches are there for a reason"

Do you mean that all older women are interfering old bags?

Because all of us get older - hadn't you noticed?

arsenic well, patronising does = rude to me, in a passive aggressive way. It's just a matter of minding your own business to me.
It's kind of like when a random man tells you to smile or makes some sort of personal comment in the street.

People can be patronising without meaning to fatlazy, don't you think?

Thing is, I suspect the whole 'woman in Boots' incident is a MacGuffin anyway. This is really about OP's grief and anger and her feeling that relatives are interfering with her parenting, I think.

Well, being as I am an old hag myself, I don't exclude me in what I said

I do think that women, maybe older women? (not sure about that tbh) are more likely to seek social contact with others. Call it social conditioning or have a feminist debate about it, but fact is if you are out and about with a young child it IS more likely that a woman is going to talk to you - positively or negatively or perceived negatively.

Clichés are of course dangerous and often akin to prejudice, but we are all guilty of, sometimes subconsciously, thinking along those ruts ("the French are good lovers and good cooks, the Germans have no sense of humour, the British have a stiff upper lip" etc etc) - that does not make it true for every individual or even for a majority, but for a noticeable minority IMO.

Like I stated upthread I have had absolutely lovely remarks from women and some appalling ones, and v few men saying anything at all (apart from the weirdo who stared and stared and stared when I was BFing DS1 in a café about 11 years ago).

Oh, I was going to come back to say, don't we all react differently to what somebody might say to us depending on how we are or feel on the day?!

I am all for smiling sweetly and carrying on regardless of unsolicited 'advice', but I know I have reacted impatiently or felt tearful when somebody said something to me that I felt was a criticism at the time because I had been struggling already.

'Fuck off' is horrible and rude, but I took it to mean on this thread as a kind of short-hand for 'None of your business' 'Did you mean to be so rude' or similar. I would never use it in RL, ever.

Of course how grobags felt is tied in with the crap hand that fate has dealt her. Cut her some slack. She is doing the very best she can under the worst of circumstances.

Of course she is. I'm just suggesting the best support for poor brave grobags doesn't involve a howling chorus of ageist misogyny about what a good idea it is to tell 'old bags' to fuck off in Boots.

When the nanny arrives she might act as a helpful buffer between you and the relatives and ease the practical need for their hands on support OP? I hope things get better

It was a completely avoidable situation. Nobody knows what kind of day/week/life a parent is having. You don't know why my child is wearing a jam stained thomas the tank PJ top, odd shoes and an unruly hair do. SO unless you are 100% sure that what you're about to say is helpful and cannot be taken the wrong way then IT'S BEST NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. It's not rocket science.

No, you are right, absolutely, Arsenic, I was not replying to you specifically.

Oh I see. Sorry Pacific

The worst I ever had was from a man in his 30s in Tesco who happened to be the cleaner dealing with a spillage but that isn't really relevant who asked me if my baby in the sling was ok "like that". "Yes, she's fine" I replied. "No, really, is she breathing? She doesn't look alive!". At this point I and my toddler stopped walking and turned right round. I looked him in the eye and said slowly and clearly: "She is asleep. She is not dead." FFS.

And I lost count of the number of times older men told me to put socks on my ds when he was fine and there was one older woman who told me my baby in a sling wasn't warm enough and needed a hat and coat. We were both very warm! I've also had comments from younger woman but I forget the details because I ignore them so I don't think age or sex has much to do with being a judgmental twit.

Also had lots of lovely compliments too mostly from older people, probably because there are more likely to be about in the day and they've been through it and know it's hard work!