You! Yes you interfering cow in Boots!

[grobagsforever]

No my baby was not too hot under a shade. I only put it on whilst in the air conditioned shop! I have had enough of friends and family interfering with the parenting of my children since DH died without strangers chipping in. I'm 33, smarter than you'll ever be and she's not my first baby.

You have now made me cry in public. Thanks.

Oh unsolicited advice, how lovely! I once had to grab my pram to prevent it rolling into the road when I was fishing my keys out some bloody woman suggested that that there WAS a brake..... I was new to the whole pram thing, sleep deprived and frankly my heart rate had gone through the roof as naked fear engulfed me and I dived to pull the pram back. She will never know how close she came to a sticky end involving the keys to a slightly elderly reasonably priced car.......

It's so hard not to get upset. It's that thing of 'i don't know who you are and i don't care if this upsets you i'm going to say because i can't help myself'

I was recently that annoying woman (well not your annoying woman...) we were in a restaurant in London and there was a colicky baby screaming. Her parents were trying to eat, we had finished. I walked to them and offered to hold her for a few minutes while they ate. Using skills I learnt with my own colicky PFB I managed to soothe her while holding her, then showed her dad how I'd done it.

I benefitted from people relieving me of DS so I could eat when he had colic, and those small acts of kindness from random strangers (waitress in a restaurant in center parcs sticks in my mind) really helped me on a bad day.

To be fair, I didn't barge in saying I knew what to do.

I didn't think it was possible to hate the phrase 'ooh is he hungry!' as much as I do. Drives me absolutely potty. The best response is an icy 'no he's just bored of that phrase!'

To the doctor who said it to me first at a few weeks old, and followed it up with a patronising 'it usually is the reason for crying': fuck you, asshole.

Then there was the old man on a bus who suggested I pick him up out of his pram. Well no, not on a moving vehicle without seatbelts or car seat when he is clearly only a few weeks old and I'm still weak from the birth, idiot.

I think what has given me The Rage most is the nurse who kept us waiting in the waiting room for 20 minutes (no, she wasn't seeing another patient - she was doing paperwork!) and then picked my son up without even asking my permission, and then when he continued to cry (ha!) said, 'ooh that worked on a baby the other day!' So basically...she wanted to pick him up to get him to stop crying and essentially show me up, as she had obviously done to a previous woman!

WaitingForMe- it rather depends on how the conversation went. And until Grobags tells us, which I'm sure she will, then there is certainly never an excuse for telling people to fuck off, or to call them interfering old bags.

(always funny as well, how, despite the OP not mentioning the age, others immediately assume the person is old. Says a lot about the utterly vile ageism that is sadly rife on MN)

The boots moaners are probably in there buying laxatives

Yeah i'm sure it was a 20 year old who said it

DrankSangria, can you point out a single post that's assumed the OP's "interfering cow" is old?

I find MNers rarely refer to 20 yr olds as "bags".

Oh I've had loads of these as I've got 4 DCs, oldest 24, youngest 3. The worst was when DD then nearly 4 had a tantrum in Asda, DS was 4 days old, she was hanging off my arm, I had 6 heavy bags of shopping, I was shouting at her, some stupid woman started shouting at me, the manager called the police, our social worker decided I needed to go on a positive parenting course. Blimey I was slap bang in the middle of baby blues and my DD was being a monster, and you can't imagine the pain! My social worker was a man, so maybe he didn't understand baby blues. to you.

bathsheba that's dreadful.

I've had this with DS1. From someone on the bus telling me that he was crying because he was tired, to an old lady telling me he was too hot and another suggesting I put him down because he wanted to crawl (when he couldn't). It's good to know other people know my child better than I do.

What's enraging about these comments is that people clearly feel able to comment and have decided you are someone they can criticise. I never ever put shoes on my DS when he was a baby as I don't see the point (for everyday use anyway - they do look cute!). If it was cold he had a blanket/foot muff, if it was hot he had socks which he delighted in pulling off so he could chew his toes. No one ever commented on this to me. But literally every time DH took him out someone asked the baby 'ooh where are your shoes darling, you'll get cold!' - as if men can't possibly ever get it right and therefore DH needed a friendly scolding.

Oh yes and 'he looks hungry to me' - do fuck off! Unless you feel like popping a boob out and feeding him for me, that's a fairly pointless comment...

When my DD had a tantrumming toddler lying on the pavement, a screaming baby in a push chair and bags of shopping she often wished for a random kind stranger would stop and offer help. No one ever did.

I now realise they would have been afraid of being told to 'fuck off, you interferring cow or similiar'.

There are definitely ways of helping without coming across like an interferring cow or similar.

grobags

Sorry to hear this upset you so much.
I agree that if smiling sweetly and moving on is too much, 'Do feck off' or some politer version of it is you feel charitable, is entirely appropriate.

How is it that in pregnancy and with young babies all of a sudden all your choices seem to be open to public scrutiny?!

Hope you day improves

You should just offer everyone a cup of tea and a chat

My ds had a meltdown once outside Cadbury World. I was at the end of my tether anyway having been alone with two kids for too many days on the trot.

I was calm for a bit but ds just carried on while I tried to get him to walk to the place. Finally got there and sat him on a bench and just shouted at him from sheer frustration.

A lovely older lady came over and said 'can I do anything to help, we've all been there'. I burst into tears but her help was much appreciated. I'm so grateful for that kind smile and offer of support that day. My son stopped tantrumming immediately because he becomes mute when strangers talk to him.

I try to offer that kindness where I can ie offer to help hold the buggy handles while someone's trying to get their reluctant toddler in the buggy. I'll say things like 'I've been there and know how hard it is sometimes'

I think it's the way things are said that gets people's backs up. Offer sympathy not judgement.

Quite often if you are a bloke out and about with small kids people assume that because you are a bloke you don't know your arse from your elbow when it comes to dealing with kids. They also assume that you're prepared to be -abusive- strict when it comes to controlling them. E.g. in Aldi, at the checkout:

Cow: Do you know what your children are doing?
(nothing much, just a bit lively)
Me: Yes, thanks.
Cow: In my day children who did that in public would get a hiding.
Me: Well, we don't commit acts of violence against children.
Cow: If I were you I would X, Y and Z.
Me: Well fortunately parenting and childcare have changed somewhat since the nineteeth century.
Cow: I should report you to Social Work.
Me: Be my guest.
Cow: (indignant cat's-arse face)

(Had I followed her advice and done what my own bastard father would have done I would have been down the oinkery in five minutes and the DCs would have been getting their tea from social workers).

Plenty of women (of all ages) have helped me carry things including baby, said nice things, given me tips etc etc over the last 2 and a half years.

Things i haven't appreciated over the last 2 and a half years:
He should be in his pram
He shouldn't still have a bottle
Why isn't he dressed?
He's still hungry
He should be wearing shoes
He shouldn't be wearing shoes
He's too hot
He's too cold
And my absolute fave...
He needs a haircut

If someone (of any age) fails to see the difference then, yeah, they are probably better off not saying anything.

What nasty people! Easy for me to say, but I think the ignore response - don't respond, don't even look, don't acknowledge their presence - might be effective. Nothing annoys a busybody more than being ignored.

I can remember one of the very few times I plucked the courage up to venture out when my ds was a baby someone said to me
'The suns in his eyes'
The shade was down (it was a low winter sun) and he was asleep.
It made me so upset. Looking back now I just get angry.

I'm very sorry for your loss op, some people just can't help themselves

Oh Christ, this is one of the most irritating parts of parenting isn't it?

We used to baby wear rather than use a pram and had quite a few comments about how 'uncomfortable' DC must be in there (quite the opposite actually...), asking if it was safe and also had one woman laugh and point at 'the baby in a bag' .

Have had the 'oh are you hungry darling?' Comments when they're crying too. No, they just ate thanks... Also my Nan has this obsession and I mean OBSESSION with them being warm enough. She always insists they must be cold and need more layers. None of them are fans of socks so if they've pulled their socks off she almost has a heart attack flapping over how cold they'll be, winter or summer and always in the house...

It's difficult to smile and nod through gritted teeth sometimes, people just don't think. sorry for your loss.