You! Yes you interfering cow in Boots!

[grobagsforever]

No my baby was not too hot under a shade. I only put it on whilst in the air conditioned shop! I have had enough of friends and family interfering with the parenting of my children since DH died without strangers chipping in. I'm 33, smarter than you'll ever be and she's not my first baby.

You have now made me cry in public. Thanks.

Oh Christ, this is one of the most irritating parts of parenting isn't it?

We used to baby wear rather than use a pram and had quite a few comments about how 'uncomfortable' DC must be in there (quite the opposite actually...), asking if it was safe and also had one woman laugh and point at 'the baby in a bag' .

Have had the 'oh are you hungry darling?' Comments when they're crying too. No, they just ate thanks... Also my Nan has this obsession and I mean OBSESSION with them being warm enough. She always insists they must be cold and need more layers. None of them are fans of socks so if they've pulled their socks off she almost has a heart attack flapping over how cold they'll be, winter or summer and always in the house...

It's difficult to smile and nod through gritted teeth sometimes, people just don't think. sorry for your loss.

I remember clearly four incidences of unwanted interference by strangers. Three were middle aged women and one was a very camp man who told me I was a "Poor excuse for a mother" in a supermarket after I'd sent DS1 (aged around 8) to get something I'd forgotten and he ran back to me.

The compliments have been many though. For each of those four misery guts, there have been tens of lovely people who have, unsolicited, chosen to praise my children's manners and behaviour. There have also been a few with well meaning advice. I see those people as folk who miss having babies around and want to get involved. Just smile and nod... it'll make their day. Then walk away, smug in the knowledge that it was actually you doing them a service, rather than the other way round.

Unless you feel like popping a boob out and feeding him for me, that's a fairly pointless comment...

I'm just imagining the AIBU thread that starts, "I was just in town, and the baby was crying. Some woman, whom I've never seen before, total stranger, came up and said, "Oh, he must be hungry!" and sat down, popped her boob out!

(Hmm, my phone has AIBU in its dictionary. I might spend too much time here...)

x

OP I feel for you....I was in the post office in our village with 7 mth old DS. He had conjunctivitis and many bruises and a small cut on his lip as he thought he could walk and he definitely could climb!! Even with me constantly watching he still had accidents....an older women said to him, leaning into his pram...'.Oh..what's your mummy been doing to you'. I was really struggling with being a mum then, and just burst into tears....did she really think that I had beaten my baby around the head? Hes a lovely 24 now but that incident still upsets me now.....

I am older and I am always offering help if I see someone struggling. Fortunately I have obviously never come across a Mumsnetter because nobody has ever told me to"Fuck off you old bag"

Ok full story:

DD2 had just nodded off in pram. She rarely sleeps in pram she is a sling lover. As both the lights and air con in Boots are strong I popped a blanket over the front of the pram, intending to remove it on leaving the shop.

Woman said "Excuse me but it doesn't look like there is much air in there"

I replied that there was plenty of air, indicating the gaps I'd left.

She said "well it's a very humid day".

So I rolled my eyes and walked off. I could have explained that she had just harassed a grieving widow. Or told her to fucking fuck off. But I walked away and vented on here instead. Yes I'm oversensitive. Sue me !

Sorry for your loss OP, and that you were made to feel so upset.

I never had unsolicited advice with DC1, though expecting number 2 soon so that might change.

I did have a very elderly lady once rescue me, DS was about 3 and going through a tantrum and hitting phase. We were walking along the high street and he decided to refuse to walk and start yelling and walloping my arm. I was embarrassed and stressed, and she marched up and said to him 'Now you stop that noise and behave, and do not hit your Mummy, she loves you and does everything for you!' DS was so stunned he walked off obediently. I could have kissed her.

Best reply to "is she hungry?" is "WHAT? YOU'RE MEANT TO FEED THEM??" and laugh. They'll know next time to STFU.

"What's enraging about these comments is that people clearly feel able to comment and have decided you are someone they can criticise"

Definitely think there's truth in this. When I had DC1 I was in my 20s and very young looking, and used to get these sort of comments all the time.

I had DC2 7 years later, looked a lot older and probably more confident too, I've not had a single one in 8 months.

Vent away op, this is the best place, the majority of us don't mind one bit.

Oh op, so sorry. Hugs.

Whilst at a Bbq with DS1(about 3 months at the time). DS was on the verge of falling asleep. I had a family friend insist the wee babby needed a dodi (dummy) and that I should have one. All mums should carry one. I needed to organise myself better and have one on me at all times. The fact that Ds1 had persistently refused them was irrelevant. He obviously needed one.

He said the word 'dodi' about 20 times. I now feel irrationally annoyed whenever I hear it.

Nothing worse that strangers interfering. I recall one time being out with d.d and she was creating so I was disceplining her and this women turned around and said to her "Do as your mummy says", and I said. I can handle it thanks and I said to d.d. Other people shouldn't have to tell you.
Okay she may have thought she was helping but like I said I am more that capable of disceplining my own child

Basgeti: Sadly some mothers would have told the old woman to fuck off as soon as she opened her mouth.

OP: I'm very sorry for your lose. Best wishes to you.

grobags I often think of you and hope you're coping. Sorry about the old bag!
I got the sling-baby funny looks (still do, DD, 19mo, often goes in a back carry when we walk the dogs). Keep on keeping on

paxtecum "Basgeti: Sadly some mothers would have told the old woman to fuck off as soon as she opened her mouth."

I thought exactly the same thing when I read basgetti's post.

My favourite story wrt to interfering strangers involves a friend with a fractious baby on a plane. She had tried and tried everything to calm her DD down but she was not having any of it. My friend was harassed and stressed and acutely aware that the baby's screams were unpleasant for everybody. Eventually the lady in front of her turned around and said 'You have to sing to her'. As quick as you want my friend offered her DD to the lady and said 'Go ahead. You sing to her' .
Baby fell asleep after a while…

I agree, many more people have been kind and helpful to me, but it's the unhelpful tutting and cat's bums that upset when things are stressful anyway already.

I once flew with 4 under 5s and it was hard work but went ok. As we all stood waiting to disembark the plane another passenger said to me "you have lovely boys and I think you handled them really well". She almost made me cry with gratitude. I now go out of my way to say something nice to parents with young kids particularly if they seem to be having a hard time of it.

I was on a bus the other week and an elderly woman commented to the mother opposite that her child's feet were under the foot strap on the pushchair.

Mother smiled and said that she always does that and it's not dangerous.

5 minute later thee elderly woman brought it up again.

The mum told her to fuck off and mind your own business.

Yanbu, some people are nosey buggers who think they know best. You are doing an amazing job x

We are not all judgmental; I did pack a young mum's shopping for her as she had hands full with overtired toddler and she was just in front of me in the queue. Till person was doing the raised eyebrows thing and not helping at all. Mum kept apologising but I just said We have all been there, it's really hard when they get to that point of exhausted crying.
Sometimes people just struggle to find the right thing to say, and are afraid offers of help will not be appreciated. (still aghast at the young woman at Coventry station who told my lovely boy to f* off and mind his own business when he offered to help her as she struggled with lots of luggage...)

I don't think you are over sensitive, OP.

I would have been tempted to say: If you don't have anything nice to say, do fuck off.

I hate this fucking ageism!!!!

indigo18 "still aghast at the young woman at Coventry station who told my lovely boy to f* off and mind his own business when he offered to help her as she struggled with lots of luggage.."

How disgusting of her, indigo I don't know what's wrong with people who react like that to a kind offer.

I was in A&E having a miscarriage and in loads of pain when I was told off by the people in the next bed's vistors (repeatedly) for my 4yo daughters singing - she was reading a book and wittering on to it and singing, as they do, her voice carries though. I was in agony and she was being well behaved considering we'd been there 3 hours. Still makes me that I didn't shout back at the cow.

I think to say 'fuck off' to anyone is quite appalling in most circumstances, especially in front of children.

I live in a country area where the single track lanes are gridlocked at school drop off and pick up times because parents are using their freedom of choice to send their DCs to the non local school. It always seems that the village school five miles away is better than the one 200 yards away.
An elderly friend was along the lane and commented to a very naice mother who was stuck in the daily traffic jam about how life was easier when everyone went to therir village school.
The naice mother, with three darling DCs in the car shouted at her to Fack Orf.

There must be so many children growing up who think 'fuck off' is an acceptable greeting.

Yeah "fuck off" is a bit extreme... funny though.