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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband sulking is he BU?

164 replies

mumof2wonderfulboys · 18/09/2014 07:46

My 4 year old bought a doll in the supermaket last night which my OH was very unhappy about, he says dolls are for girls, he doesn't appreciate the toys he's got and expects too much.

Last night he told our son he is f*cking furious and this morning has ignored him every time he has tried to speak to Daddy.

Is this behaviour being unreasonable?

OP posts:
cherrybombxo · 18/09/2014 10:40

"next he'll be wanting to wear dresses"?! My little brother trotted about my high heels when we were playing pretend, he grew up to be a 6' rugby player who is built like a brick shithouse and has the most funny, charming, gorgeous girlfriend. You need to leave this man and never look back.

Original poster
mumof2wonderfulboys · 18/09/2014 10:42

Thanks, I've really not got a lot of idea how to go yet, WA have said phone the council housing number, at the moment my intent is to get out what is important to my children and I, put it into a container then go camping with the kids for a couple of days while I sort out accomodation, benefits etc.

I told the class TA this morning what had happened so they could keep an eye on him, (today is his first full day of reception) I've also told them I'm soon to become a single mother.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 18/09/2014 10:42

look at all these responses outraged at the behaviour of your son's father. it does seem different form the inside, but all these outsiders saying how shocking it is... sometimes you need other people on the outside to tell you how bad it is. and it is bad.

hoping you can use that to help you help your son. it is difficult, but worth it.

if necessary start formulating a plan in secret. I was formulating an exit plan years before I could admit to myself I needed an exit plan.

Coughle · 18/09/2014 10:45

Well done you, you can do this, stay strong and keep posting here for help when you need itFlowers

BlackeyedSusan · 18/09/2014 10:46

wow, you are doing great.

lovetheautumn · 18/09/2014 10:47

Wow what a childish wanker, he is being beyond pathetic, it's his child, who is 4 years old! Funny thing is I assume he's the manly macho type (I may be wrong of course) for not wanting his son to have a doll, but he's acting worse than a spoilt little drama queen! HE'S FOUR! I really feel for you, your husband needs to grow up, as lots of others have said, my two year old son has a doll, he just likes to look after her, he's always been attracted to dolls in shops, to him it's just another little person. God knows where this idea of it making them less of a man comes from, what if they become a father, are they less of a man for loving and looking after their child?! If I were you I would get out for a bit, do you have anywhere else to stay for a few days, maybe give him some time to think about how stupid he's been?

lovetheautumn · 18/09/2014 10:50

sorry took me forever to post and just seen recent messages, sounds like you are an amazing woman who is doing the right thing, for you and your son :) i really hope things get better for you, i'm sure they will

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/09/2014 10:50

What is your housing situation? Could you pack him.a bag and ask him to leave?

CromerSutra · 18/09/2014 10:59

I'm so glad you are leaving this horrible man. I hope you can get some support from MN and elsehwere to help you do so. Well done for making that decision. Your poor son does not need to put up with that abusive crap and neither do you. Thankfully he has a great, strong mum who is standing up for him.

HavanaSlife · 18/09/2014 11:00

Poor little boy, it must be so confusing for him. Well done for making the decision to leave.

Phone the council and dont let them fob you off ( they did me once.

Make sure you have passports, any other documents you may need ready incase you have to leave in a hurry.

Good luck to you, believe me the relief you will feel once you are away from this cock and have everything sorted will be immense

Original poster
mumof2wonderfulboys · 18/09/2014 11:07

I have to admit to being scared to tell him, at the moment I'm having a 'spring clean,' actually I'm cleaning and making sure everything I want, i.e kids toys is sorted and ready to take. I would like to think I'll be gone this weekend.

OP posts:
PlumpPartridge · 18/09/2014 11:08

Good luck to you, you sound very determined and we are all behind you Thanks

AgathaF · 18/09/2014 11:13

Good luck. Keep quiet until you've left. Can you get important stuff (birth certs, passports, important financial documents/statements) out of the house in the meantime? Do you have friends or family to support you emotionally?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/09/2014 11:16

When you are spring cleaning make sure you "tidy up" important paperwork like passports, birth certificates, copies of bank details and proof of your STBXH employment etc.

You don't actually have to tell him you are going. You can just leave when he is out. You don't owe him anything; he doesn't deserve consideration or thoughtful treatment because he's not shown that to you.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/09/2014 11:16

X post with Agatha

Vitalstatistix · 18/09/2014 11:23

please please don't show him the thread. I would always say to anyone in an abusive situation to not show them a thread about them. They don't care what the person they are supposed to love thinks, they won't change because strangers on the net think they sound like wankers. But the most important thing is that it is a risk. You don't know what they'll do or how they'll behave. Abusive people do not like being called abusive.

I would say that if you want to leave and your partner is abusive, don't ever give him warning or notice that you are going, or expect him to be reasonable about it. Prioritise your safety and that of your kids (Womens Aid can help you with a plan to get out) without involving him at all in that.

EllasMum16 · 18/09/2014 12:05

You've absolutely made the right decision, I wish you the best of luck and I'll be following this thread to see how you get on. Your DS sounds lovely by the way :)

Itsfab · 18/09/2014 12:13

Your comment about being a single mum soon brought tears to my mind. WELL DONE YOU!

Your husband is an abusive control freak and MUST NOT see that you post on here.

Go and delete all your history NOW then maybe look a few bland sites - Boots, M&S, etc so it isn't too obvious that you have deleted your history. Make sure you always log out of here and get all the help and support you need.

I find it so sad that men having kids today are still in the dark ages and think that letting their baby play with a doll will turn them gay and even if it was true what is wrong with being gay?!

Be very careful OP. The time just before you leave is very dangerous for you all. How old are you children?

ChasedByBees · 18/09/2014 12:20

So pleased you are leaving and protecting your son from this. Make sure it is documented - perhaps speak with your HV so you have future protection for your son too.

MsAnthropic · 18/09/2014 12:24

today is his first full day of reception
Sad Sad Sad And his bastard of a father didn't come, didn't wish him well, didn't tell him he was proud of him. Fucker. You and your boys deserve so much more than this, everyone does.

Post again on relationships in the coming days and months and you'll get a lot of support.

Fairylea · 18/09/2014 12:35

You're doing the right thing op. In years to come your little boy will thank you for it... and he can enjoy playing with all the dolls he wants :)

Good luck, you're a lovely mum and a very strong woman.

GatoradeMeBitch · 18/09/2014 13:10

I wouldn't be cleaning the house for him, but do what you need to do OP! Christ, imagine your little one did turn out to be gay (not that choosing a doll as a toy is any indication at all) he needs to be well away from this homophobic bully. Well done!

CheesyBadger · 18/09/2014 14:15

Well done! You are doing amazingly well. Keep being brave, don't listen when he tries to convince you that you are wrong. Re read the threads if you need courage. Please stay safe

MrsCosmopilite · 18/09/2014 14:27

I was going to say how vile your husband is being, but everyone has done that already. It bears repeating as I was actually shouting at the computer, reading what he said.

I was going to say that I feel for your son, who is only 4, and being stigmatised by your husband for being a child, but that has also been well covered. I can't believe an adult is capable of being such an arsehole.

I was going to say how brave you're being, that I'm glad you're making plans for a happy and peaceful future. In the future, your DS will be very grateful that you didn't subject him to this excuse for a man.

Please keep safe. Don't show this thread, and please keep posting.

Futurebird · 18/09/2014 14:27

Well done op. This is such an inspiring thread. Xxx