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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband sulking is he BU?

164 replies

mumof2wonderfulboys · 18/09/2014 07:46

My 4 year old bought a doll in the supermaket last night which my OH was very unhappy about, he says dolls are for girls, he doesn't appreciate the toys he's got and expects too much.

Last night he told our son he is f*cking furious and this morning has ignored him every time he has tried to speak to Daddy.

Is this behaviour being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 18/09/2014 09:45

Oh gosh. You have big problems OP. Your poor DS. :(

Your DH is being abusive.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/09/2014 09:45

You are not overreacting!

Your poor DS. He actually swore at him? That's disgusting, as is his attitude.

What a horrible man. It's your job to protect your son OP from this.

specialsubject · 18/09/2014 09:46

sulking, like jealousy, is playground behaviour.

you've married an abusive child. Please get out before the behaviour is passed down.

I wish you the very best.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 18/09/2014 09:50

My two eldest DS both had dolls are when they were younger. They would often play breastfeeding them too.

Morloth · 18/09/2014 09:51

Fucking hell he is very stupid.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 18/09/2014 09:51

Also, no adult and especially a parent, should ever sulk with a young child. Nor should they be ignored without reason.

gamerchick · 18/09/2014 09:54

What are you going to do about it OP? I've seen one thread where a mother has stood up for her child in a big way today.. It would be nice to see another one.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 18/09/2014 09:57

This sounds like my stbx. He told ds2 he could choose a toy for his birthday, then followed him about the toy store saying "no, that's too girly, choose something for boys...." over and over. Angry Drives me nuts! FFS he's FIVE. Get over it.

Ds2 has decided he wants an Elsa (Frozen) costume for Christmas. I can just imagine the reaction from stbx over it. It's going to be ugly, because he's going to go off about it and I'm going to have to tell him off. And ds2 will just be upset over his lovely present that he's wanted for ages. Sad

Why does it have to be such an issue??

JetsAndSugar · 18/09/2014 09:58

That you even asked if this was reasonable is very very worrying. Most of us would have hit the roof at the "fucking furious" comment, demanded to know if he was on glue and sent him to his mums/Premier Inn until he got his head sorted. There'd have been no opportunity for sulking.

Have you told your DS that his father behaved badly, that you take it seriously, that you love him and that you will make it stop?

Then do whatever is needed to make it stop? Including LTB if that is what it takes?

BarbarianMum · 18/09/2014 10:08

It's emotional abuse.

It's not much better to be the parent allowing it to happen then the one dishing it out, long term.

minibmw2010 · 18/09/2014 10:09

I'm more worried about you using the phrase 'step out of line' in such a casual way. You need to think very seriously about whether you want your child raised by such a horrible man.

My DS3 wore a dress yesterday at a friends house (her little girls dressing up outfits), he was thrilled with it and so was I because he's never shown an interest in dressing up as a character before and we'd always had such a hard time with him at fancy dress parties. His dad was also so pleased to see because it showed him his little boy was having fun, he didn't care he was dressed in a princess dress and that's how he should be !!!!

ilovesooty · 18/09/2014 10:14

You're actually eating, sleeping, living etc with this abusive man, and your little boy is on the receiving end of abuse? Get out before he damages you further.

areyoubeingserviced · 18/09/2014 10:18

I am shocked by your dhs behaviour.
Cruel and abusive IMHO

Original poster
mumof2wonderfulboys · 18/09/2014 10:19

School leaving time this morning and he decided he wasn't coming, he told me he washed his hands of son and wanted nothing further to do with him. I've been told I need to burn the f'ing thing or the next thing is he'll want to be wearing dresses.

I won't be leaving it, my childrens wellbeing is more important than anything else.

I have no doubt Daddy will never see he could possibly be wrong and I know he wont listen to me. I may well print this thread off for him to see other peoples opinions!

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 18/09/2014 10:21

Don't show him the thread. That could put you at risk. Start making arrangements to leave him, please.

FriendlyLadybird · 18/09/2014 10:23

OP -- get out of there. You're being emotionally abused ("step out of line"????) and he's now starting on your son.

Fairylea · 18/09/2014 10:23

He is totally and absolutely wrong. He does know people are born and not made gay doesn't he? And I've met some very masculine gay men and some very feminine lesbians. Wearing a dress or playing with dolls is nothing to do with what sexuality you end up being. What an ignorant man.

What are you going to do about this op?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 18/09/2014 10:23

Do not show him. The only thing you'll get is nasty comments about bitter women who hate men. seriously. It will mean NOTHING to him. (trust me, I know this)

DownWithDaddyLongLegs · 18/09/2014 10:25

Oh my love, he sounds like a prize arse. It sounds as if he has been emotionally abusing you for a long time. The "step out of line" thing is very worrying.
His behaviour towards your son yesterday and this morning is outrageous. It is completely unacceptable to swear at a child like that and to blank them. And to carry on this morning? Unbelievable.
It's a doll. Small children like small things to play with and look after. My children aren't going to turn into vets or marine biologists because they have a bed full of different cuddly animals. Or builders because they play with lego.
You do not behave like this to people you love.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/09/2014 10:30

Don't show him this thread, he will not take it seriously and you will have shut off one of your avenues of support because he will not like the fact you have posted about him online. He may well try to stop you using MN if he knows you are discussing him.

Original poster
mumof2wonderfulboys · 18/09/2014 10:32

Yes, he is abusive and he is also STBXH I posted the day before yesterday in relationships under the user name oldandexhausted. It had been my intent to throw one of the threads at him and tell him I was leaving but after the above (and I did need to make sure i wasn't overreacting) unreasonable could probably bite him in the face and he wouldn't notice :(

OP posts:
JetsAndSugar · 18/09/2014 10:33

He said he was washing his hands of his son?

What did you say when he said that?

Did you tell him to get the fuck out of the house? If he washes his hands of his children, you wash your hands of him. Did you tell him right up in his face you will certainly not be burning anything?

Printing off an internet thread to show him is not an appropriate reaction to seriously abusive behaviour to you and your child. It is a doormat reaction.

Have you been so downtrodden you can't see that?

People here often recommend Lundy Bancroft "Why does he do that?" Maybe start reading. Maybe your reactions will start to reset to normal.

Do you intend to cook his dinner tonight?

ImperialBlether · 18/09/2014 10:33

The best thing you could do for your child is to get him as far as possible away from this man.

JetsAndSugar · 18/09/2014 10:34

Ah x-post. What are you doing to get out? Need any practical advice from posters here?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/09/2014 10:38

I am glad to hear you are taking steps to leave him; I don't think he is any good for your or your DC. You probably won't ever get him to accept he is wrong or unreasonable but taking control, leaving when you are ready and getting on with the life you want to lead is the best revenge possible.

The very best of luck.