To be extremely pissed off with my midwife

[Random1999]

basically I asked for an extra appt with my midwife to discuss somethings I had on my mind (in particular if my pregnancy is high risk, due to the fact I'm only 15, where I can give birth as im 19 miles from any hospital that has a labor ward, if homebirthing is an option etc) we then got onto the subject of breast feeding and life in the first few days after birth. these were some comments she made.
"you wont breast feed because you are too young" "it would be stupid to try to breast feed you will most likely get post natal depression and it would make you suicidal with the extra pressure as opposed to if you bottlefed" "You shouldnt even try to breast feed it doesnt matter what you want its about whats best for baby" as a whole im very annoyed, frustrated, a bit angry and quite insecure now :( Am i being sensitive or is she just a dick? IMO shes unprofessional at best.

Random people are just trying to help - you are totally misreading what people are posting which makes me wonder if you also misread what your Midwife was trying to say

If you tell people your life story in such epic detail people are going to respond and ask about it etc

You seem very defensive - understandable to a point but you need to get over this and calm down

As far as im concerned its 16 hours, its what i was told upon leaving school. If i was misinformed i apologise.

It's 16 contact-hours to qualify as a full-time student at a sixth-form or college. They may have been telling you about that.

Also yes im defensive because for the last day people have been discussing how its legal or illegal for me to do what i do as if ive slipped through some kind of net when that isnt the case people are coming to assumptions which are wrong when i left school due to illness and had a health professionals advice to do so. Particularly when I asked people to no longer comment as the thread had gotten off topic.

I have not told you that you are acting illegally.

I have said that I do not think your local educational authority is fulfilling its duty to you.

No i dont just mean you but quite a few people have mentioned how it isnt legal.

Random, report the thread and ask for it to be pulled. I think some people aren't going to let it drop like you asked them too.

OP - on one thread you said you refused to attend school. Now you say you were advised to leave because of illness? I can see that those two statements are not necessarily completely contradictory but surely you can also have some insight in to the impression you are creating here?

Education is individual as a pregnancy. No two the same. My own son will probably have a 'different' model of education as he has an intellectual level but is unlikely to manage to access GCSEs and the pathway that you are writing about is what has been recommended for him by special provisions.

It's not a pathway that is well known about - because it's highly individualised.

Now you are pregnant try and get back in touch with Connextions. They might be able to put you in touch with supporting you with the home ed evidencing whilst you are pregnant or I have known some pregnant ladies your age to be offered home tutoring (again that was an individualised package).

Don't get stressed - just keep informing yourself and being open to listening to the information then cherry pick what is relevant. It's not uncommon to feel overwhelmed with options / info in pregnancy and it's even harder if you feel like you are not being heard / understood.

Wow well I've learned some things about hte education system tonight! Did not know that about being able to self educate!

Re the midwife: I think what she was trying to say is that as a young mum, the chances are you will have it tougher than older mums (finance, support network, geographically isolated, she may also have made assumptions about your education as many on this thread have done) so perhaps keeping an open mind about how things may go will make it easier to cope if you can't get the hang of breastfeeding. It seems to me (from reading MN) that some women feel horribly guilty when the mechanics just dont work and for some of them those feelings can contribute to post natal depression.

Does that make more sense?

But the way that she phrased it was unprofessional, and you should complain about that to her superior, and request that you see another midwife.

Random please get the thread deleted it's not worth stressing about xxx

Do you have any pregnant friends you can talk to? I found having people going through it with me was a godsend - and afterwards to help you through the fog of new motherhood.

Do Sure Start or the Midwifery (even though yours was unhelpful) service run any groups for pregnant under 19's and their partners

I know our one did a young parents groups and a dads group x

I see we now no longer flame an op but instead beat them to pieces with our amazing superpowers of hindsight.

Honestly op, why don't you just invent a time machine and go back and not get ill, not have to leave school and not get pregnant? If you were a mature adult you'd have figured this out already.

All dilemmas solved. Thank you and goodnight.

(On the MW subject, no poster would be unreasonable. Hugely bad attitude and she needs to rethink her people skills or stay away from vulnerable mothers to be.)

queen

They are not allowed to be not very keen on autonomous education/unschooling (in a way that prevents a family using it)as it is considered to be a valid education choice.

I also expect the 16 hours may refer to the often misunderstood child benefit full time study criteria.

mrs is it that hard to grasp that a 14yo undergoing some stress/illness may refuse to attend school and during the CME process it become apparent why and the professionals involved may actively change their approach from a dealing with truancy to dealing with an illness?

Some of you need to be mindful that you are communicating with a vulnerable 15yo who is obviously feeling attacked and backed into a corner

is it that hard to grasp that a 14yo undergoing some stress/illness may refuse to attend school and during the CME process it become apparent why and the professionals involved may actively change their approach from a dealing with truancy to dealing with an illness?
This. Just this.

This thread is showing some MNers is a very poor light. Questioning OP aggressively and outright accusing her of trolling? Just fuck off. If you don't believe it, report. I'd rather take Random at face value and not berate someone who may be vulnerable. Bastards.

Random

I hear you, you sound extremely resourceful - please do not put up barriers because people can not be open minded. It says more about them than you.

No one can really know the full picture of options / decisions that are made so why tell someone they are wrong / lying. If they are lying they are unlikely to admit it but more likely they are offering the edited highlights because the full story is just too bloody complicated and painful to go through.

I have been flamed like this before. Report to MN and hide the thread.
Stay strong

Or just what FairyKing said in less words

I know there are lovely ladies on this forum. Its very sad to know that i have to be careful what details i make known for fear of being flamed(by some)...

The Op spelled out her situation earlier in the week on another thread.

Shes considerably more articulate than some on here and clued up

sock

It's not illegal for EWOs to feel particularly doubtful about some styles of HE and to take more care to investigate that the child is not actually a CME.

Particularly as sometimes autonomous education is a cover for a CME.

In this case, I think a young girl in the OP's situation deserves all the options and support the LEA can offer. Leaving a young pregnant girl to be responsible for her own education seems a big burden to place on her, and I'm developing the worrying impression she isn't even having a visiting tutor! I hope I'm wrong about that.

You sound like a very capable grounded young woman, I hope everything goes well with the pregnancy, birth and beyond.

No ones business if i have a tutor or not..

but okay fuck it no i dont have a tutor, I worked my way through the business, ICT, science, maths and english syllabus OFF MY OWN BACK. I did all test sheets then (upon completion) downloaded the answer sheets and checked them all against it. authorities know im doing whats best for me and if thats all that worries you, you can sleep easy tonight.

Evening all.
First off, congratulations on your pregnancy OP . Hope you are keeping well.

Just wanted to point out that we have deleted a few posts, as Troll Hunting season has not begun. (Think it kicks in once Hell Freezes Over). Thanks to all who reported.

Please remember that MN is a place for parents to meet online, share advice, ideas, and offer support to others. Please play naicely, as they say round these parts.