To think 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy?

[RandallFloyd]

DS started pre-school this year and is not potty trained at all. Just not ready.

The school handbook thingy says "your child will not be precluded from attending Nursery should they not be toilet trained. In such circumstances a programme/plan will be drawn up between the school and parents as a positive step towards improving the situation".

He was dirty when I picked him up on Monday so yesterday, at drop-off, I asked them what their policy is. I was told they aren't allowed to change them, they have to encourage them to do it themselves. Also that they have to rely on the child telling them they are dirty. I explained that although he does wear pull-ups he wouldn't be able to do that and there is always wipes, nappies and nappy bags in his bag.

She just re-iterated that that's what they have to do, so I asked that if he is dirty again can they ring me and I'll sort him out (I live 5 mins away). Tbh I couldn't think of any other option.

She agreed but I left feeling like I'd asked something really unusual.

I know it's only morning but surely up to 2 1/2 hours is too long in a dirty nappy? Of course he could have only been dirty for 5 minutes, I'll never know, but he was uncomfortable enough that he wouldn't walk home and was quite sore. And a diet nappy stinks, how can they need to wait for the child to tell them?!

Am I being massively pfb? I genuinely want honest opinions.

If they accept children in nappies they have to change them. Leaving a child in a soiled nappy or clothes is neglect.

Legally, there is no reason why they can't change nappies. It's there own policy.

However, I do think by the pre-school year children should be out of nappies or at least in the process. Toilet training includes bottom wiping too so they should be wiping their own bottoms rather than expecting a teacher to do it.

Not all chikdren are tge same developmentally, my ds 2.7 would have no embarrassment concept or that he wants to be like his friends. Your theory on one child happy cannot be applied to all, because they are different. Happy you will be shocked that my dd aged 7 is in dry nites at night then!

It's not acceptable. If they don't make appropriate changes I'd look into another pre school.

A day nursery would be worth looking at rather than a pre school attached to a school. They will do the same activities, so there isn't any benefit attending a school based setting other than getting used to the school, and day nurseries will usually help potty train your child. Win win!

How do you tell the ignorant, lazy parents from the ones who have children not physically able because of medical conditions then Happy? Or the ones whose children have cognitive differences that make toilet training hard?

You do realise that the law is clear in this regard precisely because many children who have SEN are undiagnosed at age 3?

It's really easy to blame parents. So it must be true

S'ok, my DS has known the full alphabet, been able to read short words and count to 30 since before he was 2. It seems that would demonstrate that I'm not totally ignorant.

Please don't feel sorry for my child though, there really is no need. I'm sure your pity could be put to better use elsewhere.

He may not be physically able to use a toilet but hey, now you've told me to plan, persevere and reward I'm sure we'll crack it in no time.

I don't know why I didn't think of that before tbh.

Take him out of there. The care is not good enough.

Haven't read the whole thread op, but are you in Wales? Only ask cos of his age and the fact he goes 2.5 hours a day.

I think it's neglect and a safe guarding issue. I would ask to see their written policy and be making a massive fuss about this.

early potty training

There are also articles such as this one happy.

It's not lazy nor ignorant to wait until your child is ready.

He can eat with a spoon/fork too.
So there.

I am in Wales, yes.

There is only one person on this thread looking ignorant and it ain't you Randall.

It's downright neglectful, Randall. If DS2 disappears upstairs for 20 minutes and comes down with a stinky nappy, his backside's already spotty by the time we change him. If he was left all morning, he'd be red raw.

And if they're not wiping snot off faces, or helping a child to do it themselves, then I would be doubting whether they'd be sufficiently supervising hand washing before snacks. After all, their philosophy on teaching a child independence appears to be to to leave them to fester unless they magically figure it out for themselves.

It was phrased in that 'we have to be so careful' type of way.
In fact, I think she used that exact phrase.

When I told her he wouldn't be able to tell them or wipe himself however much they encourage him she just said "that's what we have to do".

In NI and the playgroup i hope to send my son to next year will not take any child not toilet trained. They can begin at 2 years and 10 months. My DS is 20 months now and i already have pottys sitting out round the house, i encourage him to get used to sitting on it for short periods.

I don't stress about it and will keep him in pull ups as long as he needs but really hoping like his older ds that between 2 and 2 1/2 he will show signs of being ready.

I do understand that all children are different but i wonder now that nurserys allow children to attend still in nappys does it make parents put off training for longer?

Snowdrop don't they have to still have facilities to clean up if there accidents, despite toddlers being in pants, they may still be the occasional accident.

That's one of my worries too, Ouryve. I can't say I'm overly enamoured with the idea of 30 snot-covered kids wandering around unfettered.

He must have been eating his snack and playing with the toys like that all morning.

[boak face]

It allows them to put off toilet training for longer Snow but that's not quite the same thing. It also allows all those pesky, slow to train, disabled or otherwise children to get a good educational start too.

I'll stand corrected but I still can't understand why children of 5 ....

Anyway, here's a quotation from ouryve:

".....teaching a child independence...." You can start this early. Perhaps I was just lucky by trying hard with mine. I had a total of only 3 years' worth of nappy changing with my two. (One born 14 months after the first).

Keep potties around the house no encourage him to sit on them.
More excellent advice.

GoblinLittleOwl.

How delightful of you to say that my doubly incontinent 8yo is disgusting.