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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my niece should be allowed to wear makeup to school.

337 replies

PiperIsOrange · 16/09/2014 19:47

DN came home rather upset today after being told makeup is banned in school. She doesn't wear a lot just some foundation and clear lipgloss.

The reason she likes to wear it is because it covers all her spots, in the summer holiday she didn't wear any. My sister has taken her to the doctors and tried every OTC lotions and potions but nothing works.

It really boost her confidence and now she is dreading school because of these spots.

I have been to her school to collect school reports as dsis due to work commitments and have seen many teachers wearing makeup, so I assume it's a policy for pupils only.

OP posts:
LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 19/09/2014 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

capsium · 19/09/2014 20:01

We didn't LaQueen, I have been a teenage girl and I can even remember it...

We didn't generally apply make up at school because it 'wasn't allowed', anyway! We were more sensible and put on our make up at home or each other's houses before school.

We dreaded the humiliation of a teacher making a comment about it never mind being told to wash it off so most made sure it was subtle. Mainly a tiny bit of smudgy eyeliner, mascara, concealer with translucent powder and sheer lipstick.

ArtisanBaps · 19/09/2014 20:07

At the school where I teach, I once had a y8 girl come in wearing blue glittery false eyelashes. Apparently her mum had applied them for her.

On the last day of term this summer, I saw one girl with rollers in her hair. Hmm

capsium · 19/09/2014 20:10

Not what I am proposing though, Artisan. That's like saying just because girls are allowed skirts, they'll be turning up in pelmet style minis next.

limitedperiodonly · 19/09/2014 20:33

You misunderstand me mathanxiety. But you do that quite a lot with quite a lot of people.

As I said, I would never assume anything untoward about teenage girls who were good at applying make up. But I would wonder about who was influencing them and why they were doing it.

IME, the vast majority of teenagers aren't proficient at make up and clothes. I wasn't. That is the joy of being a teenager. That's exactly why I questioned sugarquill who talked about 'good quality make up'.

Being a teenager is all about making mistakes within the boundaries of your family. You are on the cusp of childhood and adulthood.

Looking like a clown in orange make-up and frosted blue eyeshadow at 14 is fine by me. 'Good quality make up' on a child - because that's what 14, 15, 16 is, isn't it? - makes me shudder.

What's your opinion?

I looked like a clown at that age in my Miners, Rimmel and Boots 17, and to my mind that's how it should be when you are protected within your family at taking your first steps into the adult world.

But if you looked like a supermodel from the off, then hats off to you.

If a teenager was so good at her make up and dress sense that she looked sophisticated beyond her years, then I would wonder at that. I wouldn't think badly of her, but I'd wonder who was teaching her, for what motives and to what detriment of her school career and values.

Do you understand?

minipie · 19/09/2014 20:45

Haven't read whole thread. But can't believe the number of YABUs of the first page. I suspect not from people who had to go through school with acne.

I have had acne since the age of 12. I wore concealer to school every day - nothing else but there was a lot of it because I had a lot of spots. I was self conscious about my skin as it was (and this was in a girls school where there was far less judgment about looks and presentation). If my concealer had been banned I would have been utterly miserable, and suspect I may have skipped school (not like me at all) on the worst days.

What if a teenager had a massive birthmark or scar across their face, and wanted to conceal it with make up? Should that be banned? And if not, why is acne any different?

And to those saying make up won't be helping - I have gone long periods without make up - it makes no difference to my skin. My acne is caused by PCOS not by make up.

Extreme lack of empathy going on here.

minipie · 19/09/2014 20:49

In relation to the mascara/lip gloss or balm: It actually looks a bit weird to wear foundation without anything on your eyes. Like you've half finished, and a bit "ghostly". So I can see why she might feel she needs something to balance the foundation.

I'd suggest a BB cream plus concealer - more subtle than foundation and less need for mascara/gloss to "balance" it.

hazeyjane · 19/09/2014 20:55

Limited, sorry I don't know if I am misunderstanding you, but I had good quality, well applied make up, because I had a lovely nan, who heard me crying and sat down and showed me how to apply make up to conceal the worst of the facial scarring and acne that made me so unhappy as a young teen. I didn't look like a space clown because I wasn't wearing make up as a fun fashion accessory at the time. I did later wear more outlandish makeup because then my confidence had grown, and I wanted to play around and have fun with make up, I didn't wear make up like that at school, although I did continue to wear foundation and concealer.

capsium · 19/09/2014 21:02

I suggested mineral foundation because most are very natural products (no additives) which should not irritate the skin. They just need brushing on, in circular motions, with a big brush to apply. Very easy. A pot lasts ages, a tiny amount is used each time. I use this:

www.barefacedbeauty.co.uk/product/mineral-foundation/

I brush on with a big soft kabuki brush from pound shop. You can go over any redder spots / open looking pores with a smaller brush to conceal. Coverage is built up gradually and very controllable. It shouldn't look like a mask.

The clear mascara / lip balm comment was mainly because the girl in question and the fact she might have dry lips or feel self conscious with no product.

capsium · 19/09/2014 21:07

^ that should read 'the girl in question is used to wearing make up...' Typo.

limitedperiodonly · 19/09/2014 21:13

hazeyjane Yes, you have misunderstood me.

hazeyjane · 19/09/2014 21:17

Oh ok, sorry.

limitedperiodonly · 19/09/2014 21:22

hazeyjane that was rude of me. Sorry.

If your nan helped you with your make up, then that's great. Lovely nan Smile Really.

hazeyjane · 19/09/2014 21:40

No worries, I am always getting the wrong end of the stick! (And my nan was the bestSmile)

limitedperiodonly · 19/09/2014 21:44

Stick. Grab wrong end of. Run like the wind. That's me.

hazeyjane · 19/09/2014 21:49
Grin
superstarheartbreaker · 19/09/2014 22:05

I think make up like foundation is awful on adults too so Yabu. Always looks orange and hunky. Real skin is lovely.

superstarheartbreaker · 19/09/2014 22:06

Gunky not hunky!

superstarheartbreaker · 19/09/2014 22:08

Nothing worse than visible Cne through foundation but I don't understand why schools get wound up over foundation.

lovingmatleave · 19/09/2014 22:13

I think the only thing YABU is comparing her to teachers.

What I think is unreasonable is to not let a teenager who is dreading going to school because of her spots, take some steps to cover them up, especially as she says it boosts her confidence. I remember the painful experience of hearing comments being made about my skin from fellow pupils and how this dented my confidence in school.

mathanxiety · 19/09/2014 22:47

We dreaded the humiliation of a teacher making a comment about it never mind being told to wash it off

I have noted references made by a few previous posters to tubs of baby wipes they keep at hand in classrooms to dish out to girls.

I really hate the idea that girls can be publicly shamed for their appearance like this in a school. It is nothing short of slut shaming. Really dreadful.

capsium · 19/09/2014 22:52

Me too, math and what if they were allergic / sensitive to them? Dread to think....

mathanxiety · 19/09/2014 23:50

"I'd raise a well-threaded eyebrow at that. I wouldn't automatically assume anything untoward, but I'd assume that they were spending too much time on grooming and possibly being groomed by adults, and not enough time on homework and pets. "

I did not misunderstand you at all, Limitedperiod, and I rarely misunderstand other posters either (and what a rude comment that was).

Unless by spending too much time on grooming and possibly being groomed by adults, and not enough time on homework you mean something completely at odds with what those words mean and what they imply -- what they mean and what they imply is that those girls are choosing vanity over homework and other activities of substance, or someone has an untoward influence over them.

You should not assume a girl who wears makeup is not spending enough time on homework. To assume that is to judge her based on her appearance. Judging women based on their appearance is what yobs on building sites do. It arises from misogyny.

If a teenager was so good at her make up and dress sense that she looked sophisticated beyond her years, then I would wonder at that. I wouldn't think badly of her, but I'd wonder who was teaching her, for what motives and to what detriment of her school career and values.

Do you understand?
(condescension duly noted Hmm)

What I understand is that you are unable to see past looks when it comes to teenage girls.

If they look like children then they are fine in your books, and you assume they are probably studious and with decent values. If they wear badly applied makeup they look like 'clowns' and have some sort of issue as far as their studies and their values go. If they manage to look good in their makeup then according to you there are some nefarious forces operating in their lives -- either someone is forcing them like greenhouse plants into precocious adulthood, or they have had to sacrifice values or academic performance in order to learn how to choose the right foundation and powder and apply it properly.

Makeup is not rocket science. Some teenagers have a great visual sense and quickly learn to choose the right product in the right shade and to use it really well, and with no need for the protection of their families Confused for the learning period.
Don't judge others or make assumptions about them and the people around them according to your own problems doing this, or assume it's as hard for everyone else as it was for you to acquire taste and the really quite minimal amount of skill it takes to apply a little carefully chosen slap.

You seem to have some sort of issue with the fact that teenage girls are moving into adulthood. They are not in fact children at age 14, 15, or 16. Most are capable of bearing babies by the time they hit 14. I think you need to examine why you believe they are still children, and why teenagers looking like something other than the children they once were but are no more (wearing good quality makeup) makes you 'shudder'.

I think you should also examine why you think expressing consciousness of their appearance means teenage girls have lost track of academic focus or 'values'. Girls can be both 'sophisticated looking' and very intelligent and high achievers, and they can and do choose to look as 'sophisticated' as they want to, with or without any input from others. There is no inherent contradiction between looking like a model and being intelligent and focused on your academic performance and being a decent human being.

Teenage girls can't win, can they? -- wearing trowelled on orange makeup makes them 'clowns'. Wearing makeup well makes them some sort of 'older-than-their-years sophisticates'.
They should not focus on their own appearance. That is the prerogative of judgey adults.
They should not notice the appearance of others or make anything of it. Humiliation of girls based on appearance is another adult perk.

itsbetterthanabox · 20/09/2014 00:55

With the internet it's easy to learn how to apply makeup well. There are thousands of YouTube videos on makeup application, often made by teenagers themselves!
The orange look doesn't necessarily mean they don't know how to apply it well either it's just a style of application. Look at TOWIE, Cheryl cole etc.

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2014 07:59

mathanxiety

I have no issues with teenage girls moving into adulthood. An interest in make up and fashion is normal and not incompatible with doing well at school.

That was me from the age of about 14. And my parents and teachers were perfectly okay with it, even though I looked clownish and wore stupid clothes, because that's normal for a young girl.

It takes time to learn what suits you. What isn't normal is looking like a sophisticated woman from day one, it's also not what the joy of being a teenager is about.

I said all that in previous posts on this thread. It's all there. So you have misunderstood, haven't you?