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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my niece should be allowed to wear makeup to school.

337 replies

PiperIsOrange · 16/09/2014 19:47

DN came home rather upset today after being told makeup is banned in school. She doesn't wear a lot just some foundation and clear lipgloss.

The reason she likes to wear it is because it covers all her spots, in the summer holiday she didn't wear any. My sister has taken her to the doctors and tried every OTC lotions and potions but nothing works.

It really boost her confidence and now she is dreading school because of these spots.

I have been to her school to collect school reports as dsis due to work commitments and have seen many teachers wearing makeup, so I assume it's a policy for pupils only.

OP posts:
IrianofWay · 17/09/2014 13:03

DD wears makeup to school. I don't think it's allowed. But it's so subtle no-one notices or decides it's so subtle it's not a problem.

Re confidence and acne - my eldest is 17 and has dreadful acne atm. I really feel for him but TBH even if he did wear make-up it wouldn't really hide it.

NeoFaust · 17/09/2014 13:05

I love how so many think it's ok to break rules as long as you're not caught, or the act is not obvious.

Then they wonder why schools are suffering so much disruption.

Discipline begins at home.

Meglet · 17/09/2014 13:28

I've just remembered I broke the rules in senior school about wearing trousers. Long after winter I kept wearing them. It was less stressful being told off by teachers than the endless bullying from the queen bees about my hairy legs.

In my day teachers could do nothing to stop verbal bullying. It totally screws up your self esteem.

londonrach · 17/09/2014 13:31

Makeup will make her acne worse. Talk to the doctor re tablets. Teachers are adults. No make up is a common rule for school and with good reason. They are school to learn.

gingee · 17/09/2014 13:43

Lorne it's nothing to do with it being 'sad' that teens feel compelled to wear it, it's more about the very fragile esteem of young people who have a SKIN CONDITION. My sister would have LOVED to go makeup free but the looks, the 'oh your face is very red what's up with it?' and the sniggers from class mates made makeup less of a vanity thing more of a necessity to get through the day without crying into a pot of concealer in the loos.

Now she's been treated she looks fab, oh and she doesn't wear make up much - probably less than you do Wink

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 17/09/2014 13:44

Because it is a rule about their bodies, which the school does not own. This is an important thing for teenagers to be holding on to, and sorry but I will put that above the make-up school rule. I want to bring my children up to think that they are responsible for their bodies and appearance, and it shouldn't be dependent on having rules to follow. They wear a little make up sometimes when they want to, and I think that is a good thing which extends to their choices about clothes and hair and how they treat people.

Secondly, why is the rule there? It is to help create a level playing field. It is a normal part of a teenage girl's life to learn how to use make-up to adjust their appearance in a way which is inoffensive and not attention seeking. If it just covers spots and matches their skin tone then they have learned a good thing, and it isn't against their school rules, which is to not wear obvious/excessive make up which draws attention to themselves.

gingee · 17/09/2014 13:46

neo if your teen was being bullied about her skin and the school were being ineffective at dealing with it, and asked if she could wear concealer to school until you resolved the problem with the help of a medical professional and drugs, would you say 'no sorry darling, discipline begins at home and you can't break any rules!'

If so that's really bad. Sorry but it is.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 17/09/2014 13:46

(That was a reply to NeoFaust).

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 17/09/2014 13:51

How could a school claim to be teaching good values like equality, respect and confidence whilst simultaneously condoning an attitude that a female face is ugly unless it is artificially painted, whereas a male face is acceptable without any enhancement.

What Fishwithabicycle said ^.

gingee · 17/09/2014 13:55

YesIDid like a poster said previously about her son, I know a couple of teen boys who would love to be able to wear concealer to school and sometimes when their skin is really bad, they do wear it elsewhere. They're twins and suffering badly with acne, on roaccutane.
I don't think schools allowing kids with skin issues, scarring etc, to cover it up, is propagating the idea that women are ugly without makeup.

Thomyorke · 17/09/2014 14:04

Tbh I just think some people do not understand. I didn't hate the people who commented or laughed about me acne, I hated myself, I hated my face, i felt dirty and disgusting. I wanted to disappear, I did not wear make up for an artificial face, all I wanted was to disappear.

BOFster · 17/09/2014 14:19

Absolutely. A lot of people have no idea how damaging skin problems can be to self-esteem.

lemonfolly · 17/09/2014 15:00

Yanbu. I found that fake tan does alot to blend the redness of acne outbreaks. Makes it less noticeable. Might be something she could try. I'm in my 30s with acne. It's debilitating.

People should not dismiss the impact it has on ones self esteem. Not all teenagers get spots, not all spots are acne.

MrsWinnibago · 17/09/2014 15:04

Yes please tell them to look at The Caveman Diet which has been built as the result of an Australian study into diet and acne...the first decently managed study for 30 years. The focus group consisted of young men between 15 and 25 and the youths who stuck to the diet experienced a 50% improvement in their skin within 12 weeks. If they continued it then it could clear up perhaps? 12 weeks isn't long after all...the diet cuts out all processed foods and most refined sugar but is still healthy and fillilng.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 17/09/2014 15:58

See I don't get the its bad why is it bad? We brush out hair.! Why is that seen as ok but wearing makeup as somehow a cry for help.

It's just makeup.

shareacokewithnoone · 17/09/2014 16:08

Because they look orange.

They spend ages putting it on in lessons.

They ask to leave the lesson to put it on.

They use it as something to cause disruption with

They bully girls who don't wear it

They bully girls who do wear it

The above based on years of working in a crap school.

I left.

itsbetterthanabox · 17/09/2014 16:14

It really doesn't matter if they look orange tbh.
Don't allow them to put it on during lessons same as you wouldn't allow them to do many other things during lessons.
Kids bully no matter what! All these rules don't reduce bullying.

Bogeyface · 17/09/2014 16:20

I often feel that makeup and jewellery rules are there at least in part to teach them that there will always be rules and you have to follow them.

So what happens if every child is allowed to wear what they like? Piercings, tattoos, make up, blue hair etc. They leave school totally unable to understand the concept of a dress code, there will always be some like that but uniform rules, make up rules etc are part of their education in becoming adults.

Kids just see adults as being free to do what they like and not having to follow any of the irksome "pointless" rules laid down at school and at home. Of course as we grow older we realise that actually there are more rules not less. This is part of learning that lesson.

I am sorry for your DN but thats how it is, as much as you and she wish it were different, it isnt so ....

shareacokewithnoone · 17/09/2014 16:23

'Don't let them put it on in lessons.'

Oh, if only!

I suppose the point I was making is that a school that enforces strict rules tends to be a school that also doesn't permit behaviour I described above. Trust me it was a miserable place to work.

I don't care much about makeup myself but I do feel that of all the concerns re British education now a child not being allowed to wear makeup to school is pretty unimportant. Not to that child of course but then sometimes that's how it goes.

LaQueenOnHerHolibobs · 17/09/2014 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 17/09/2014 16:58

I understand and feel for your niece! Only makeup i wiore to school was foundation and then eyeliner in my very last year (what a rebel) as my skin was horrendous. I was rarely off school but i would have had to have been dragged in if i couldnt of wore foundation.
My dad was quite strict aswell especially about makeup but he let me wear foundation as he saw how upset i was about my skin. Im 30 now and i still have some spots!
I know rules are rules but i feel for her.

kali110 · 17/09/2014 17:00

My school didnt allow makeup either, but it was more that if only if it were obvious. No eyeshadow, no heavy eyeliner, blusher nail varnish lipstick etc
Never saw anyone told to take foundation off though.

kali110 · 17/09/2014 17:02

Queen bare minerals powder and l'oreal true match minerals iv found are brilliant when youve got bad skin!
Also hydrogen peroxide cream which doesnt seem to be prescribed much but has always worked well for me.
Only thing that ever got rid of mine completely was the contraceptive dianette.

kali110 · 17/09/2014 17:07

Im still self conscious about my skin even though it it is definitely better than when i were in school, when i look in the mirror i don't see that.
I hate my dp seeing my face without makeup and i won't leave the house without foundation on.
I was bullied throughout school. I don't see why the school can't let her wear foundation.
It can be damaging and children can take it through to their adult lives.

gertiegusset · 17/09/2014 17:10

I agree that some skin conditions should allow for a flexibility on rules, what does it matter if she wears a light foundation or tinted moisturiser, it would barely be noticeable anyway.