AIBU to think some people are not cut out for "passions"

[Itsjustmeagain]

I know so many people who have a "passion" one thing in their life the dream of or cant get enough of. DH has always had a dream to run a particular type of business, which he now does. Friends of mine describe themselves as being passionate about all sort of things from breastfeeding to teaching.

I have NEVER felt like this about anything. I was a breastfeeding peer supporter for example and everyone else in the group would go crazy reading all the lastest research, posting about it all over facebook etc etc but i was just "meh" I mean I wanted to help people breastfeed but I just didnt feel as strongly about it as they did - which is the reason i quit in the end.

It is the same with other things, I did a history degree when I was younger, it was ok but I wouldnt say I was particularly interested in history. It just peaked my interest very slightly more that the other courses on offer!

Now I work from home for Dhs business and hate it. DH says do whatever you want, set up a business of your own and the main business can help support it, go to uni again, get a job, volunteer and then he says "do what you are passionate about!"

um nothing?I have NEVER since being a child has a passion or a drea mof the future!

AIBU to think that not everyone is cut out for "passions" some people just do things that are slightly less bad than the other options?

Or am i just really really boring?

No, I don't think most of us feel we are supposed to feel a passion. I just think it would be nice to feel that way.

I agree it is a bit unrealistic to use that word in relation to work though. However, I think a lot of us would love to feel passionate about it. For most of us, it's never going to happen as either we are natural bimblers or because most jobs aren't actually that interesting. I think you've got it pretty good if you can say you don't mind your job, or you like it a bit.

I love bumbling. I'm passionate about lots of things but so often I don't do Nything to fulfil those passions.

This is a really interesting thread. I've never found anything that I felt particularly passionate about and, perhaps as a result, have changed jobs frequently and never really established a professional career path, despite having a degree and an Msc in a vocational area. I've always felt a mild jealousy of people who are passionately interested in their work (particularly if it's a line of work like accountancy or law which can make you wealthy!) but I think my personality makes me one of life's Bimblers (brilliant word!). I do think however that the pressure to express passion about your work or interests is something which has massively increased in the last 20 years or so and has grown at the same time as people's sense of self has become more and more tied up with their work role. If your professional role is the most important part of your identity then it becomes more important to convince people that you are passionate about your work.

This is a really interesting thread.

I work in an industry where the word "passion" is thrown about almost constantly (overused I might say) - yet I can't say I feel passion for anything.

I enjoy my job, have a happy life, get lots of pleasure out of simple things - but passion? I don't think so. I have found that by openly saying I don't have a passion, I am made to feel somehow lesser

"what, you're not passionate about anything?" may as well say "oh, your poor sad thing"

I actually think a lot of people who say they are passionate about this & that probably just really enjoy those things and are very interested in them. Is there really a difference between getting pleasure from and enjoying/looking forward to something and passion?

p.s. - I am definitely a happy bimbler!

banana you are so right about people expressing sorrow for you if you don't have a passion. I work in a university (non-academic role) and am surrounded by people who are very passionate (and sometimes unhealthily obsessive) about their area of interest. I am sure that many of them believe that people who don't have this passionate drive are intellectually inferior. I feel that I have a very happy, fulfilling life, I enjoy the small things and, as an earlier poster said, keep on a very even keel - not getting desperately excited or hideously disappointed about things. This thread reminds me a bit of the introvert/extrovert thread from a few months back. I am definitely an introvert and wonder if this has a bearing on my lack of "passion"

The whole 'passion' thing is relatively new. (I'm 51!). I'm pretty sure that 25 years ago it would have been quite odd to say you were 'passionate' about breastfeeding or knitting or making smoothies or whatever.

My DD is just writing her personal statement for uni and I feel terribly sorry for all these 17/18-year-olds who have to appear passionate about a subject that they may not even feel sure they want to study. When I went to uni you just had to get the grades and seem interested.

OP: May I say that I am passionate about your excellent and inspiring thread choice?

Are you Morrissey? or a ghost of Philip Larkin? Not many other people write about middling emotions. There are too many songs about ultra-strong emotions.

I didn't have a "passion" till I was 36 or so and suspect that a defensive wall owing to upbringing stuff was going on with me as with others on the thread. Then I had a child with issues and kind of went into a zone. That "zone"-ness has not left me and I have simply had to channel it into other stuff so it doesn't eat me. Fortunately I then saw something that needed changing and for the past four years have been driven to change it - it's always on my mind and so I make good progress because I out-think the doubters. I think and act and think and act and sometimes reinvent the wheel but it's my wheel.

This has had a knock-on effect on my main-earning job as I can now go and talk to CEOs and inventors about creativity with understanding.

Having a child can unlock stuff you've buried in a good as well as a bad way.

So I wouldn't go back, but I can remember what it was like before and it's just fine!

I'm passionate about things... I just can't afford to do them. If I won the lottery, I know exactly what I would do. Without that, life goes on.

I relate to this. I have always aspired to be comfortable. To work part time in a job that I relatively enjoy and to have a family are all I have really wanted. I have had projects in the past that have contributed to this goal, like buying a house, planning a wedding, but now I have accomplished it (apart from conceiving dc2 who has proved very stubborn to appear) I struggle to think what I would like to do with my life next - even in a simple way like what hobby I could take up. I just feel quite meh about most things. I do enjoy stuff- going to gigs, reading, films, going out with friends and my family, but I am not passionate about anything. No idea what job I would do if I decided to pack my responsible career in to follow my dreams.

I was definitely like the OP until I had my children - now I feel passionate about getting the education that I missed out on at primary school. I really missed out at primary school (we moved around a lot) and whenever I think about it too much I feel like crying.

I don't think a passion has to be remunerative or a hobby. It is an emotional response rather than just something you really like doing.

I think I had a dream or passion to be a Mum (from about mid-twenties onwards) - I certainly found the year of ttc dd1 increasingly difficult until it finally happened.
And now I am (x2) and I like it very much most of the time even if it is knackering too!
My other passions and interests, whether hobbies or work, are much less strongly felt than that. Strong enough to know what I like though - what I want to pursue, and what I find rewarding

When I went to uni you just had to get the grades and seem interested

LOL- so true! I went on to do chartered accountancy. Not sure anyone's passionate about that but I can just imagine the graduate scheme applicants' personal statements. " I have always had a deep and personal connection with numbers, to the extent that a life without Excel is, for me, one without meaning."

OP, I think we live the era of people feeling obliged to have the USP of a PASSION and then allowing themselves to be defined by it. I think in our age of marketing that is how advertisers tell us to behave because it fits in with their preferred way of thinking about Individuals and we have inadvertently learned to think of ourselves that way too. But that doesn't mean we all have to get pulled into that way of thinking about ourselves.

I started yoga about 20 years ago via classes but after about 5 years felt that practicing at home allowed me to escape the marketing of that very personal choice in a way that stopped it being as liberating and meaningful for me. Everything from the way mats and clothing and accessories began carrying some inappropriate message of commitment really put me off.

I also think that when one has had a challenging early life for whatever reason, it can sort of disconnect us from hearing the little whispers of interest we can have towards developing passions for things. And it's the whispers that we have to somehow find time and space to follow to see where they lead us.

So don't be distracted from your own very personal search by someone else choosing to kaboom to the world about their own. Just follow the whisper and see where it takes you.

Itsjustmeagain - it's not just you; lots of people don't have a burning lifelong "passion" or "dream". Many people just want to be healthy, content and be able to pay bills - my parents used to say passions were for rich dreamers. Some friends I know only want to do what makes their family happy - I suppose their "passion" is spouse and children (although I slightly worry they will fall apart if marriage fails or children grow up and rebel or leave home or both). Sounds like you're not happy working from home (unless it's your DH's business that you don't enjoy, and there's nothing wrong with admitting that) - perhaps you miss the company and camaraderie of having co-workers? I have things I enjoy but they aren't overwhelming "passions" or "dreams" - paying the bills and the welfare of my dependants come first.

I am passionate (or you could quite easily call me obsessive or geeky) about a few things, and I don't think it's always a good thing.

I'm very geeky about autism, have a Masters in the subject and work with children with autism. But sometimes I wish my job wasn't quite so important to me. I can get very upset about it at times and just wish I could leave work at work like other people seem to be able to.

On the other hand, I'm also passionate about theme parks and rollercoasters. I'm someone who struggles to make friends and be sociable, and this passion has brought me a group of amazing friends with the same interest. So, there are good and bad aspects. I know plenty of people who don't have passions like mine though, and I'd say they are probably more well-rounded people!

very interesting question.

I don't have a dream job or one particular "what I'm passionate about" thing either. but I don't think I'm boring. And I'm certainly never bored.
my head is full of ideas of things I want to do (or do more often), make, learn, try...is that more how you feel?

I love doing a lot of things, like sewing or baking.
I'm interested in languages (love word games) and want to learn Spanish & Italian when kids are a bit older.
I want to do a veggie garden next year (total novice).

I think you need to keep looking. as long as you are interested in things, activities and people you will find things that you like or want to try.
keep talking to people and if their passion or hobby sounds fun try that.

I believe that everyone has special talents and things they are good at & make them happy. but some take longer to find out. Don't give up. keep looking!

Passion is an overused word. My dictionary says 'strong emotion'.
My DD has an interest in a particular issue. She has applied for funding and set up a small charity. She has been on local radio talking about it several times, organised a conference with outside speakers, started a blog, recently got office space and has made lots of contacts at a recent event. She has attended lectures at the local university to find out more.
She says it is so annoying when people say they are passionate about this issue and all they really mean is they read a book or went to a conference.
She would never use 'passionate' as a word to describe what she does. She just does it.

Itsjustmeagain your original post could have been written by me. DH when I met him was a bit of a drifter to be honest, worked in a pub, then at a factory but we were teenagers. Somewhere along the way has grown into himself and become a very confident, driven, person with career goals and constantly setting goals and usually achieving them. He doesn't seem to get that I am not like that. When I was little I had dreams of having children and living in the area we do, sending my kids to the local (good) school and never really projected my life any further than that.

It's so funny that I read your post about 'Oh no there's an event on Saturday I will need to get everyone ready!' and laughed at how that is ME! I do exactly the same. I try to be excited about things but mainly the stress of the impending doom swallows up any looking forward to things. Sad really.

It's telling you mention about you mother sadly dying when you were young. My mother died suddenly when I was 9 and after that I just felt the need to be a mother and nothing else. I don't know why. My home life became chaotic, domineered by a violent father and constant arguments. I was the scruffy, messy kid at school that always looked a bit uncared for and I still am extremely socially awkward. The need to be a mother I suppose came from me wanting to create this perfect, happy, stable family life. I wanted to recreate something I'd lost when I lost my mum. My days became consumed with trying not to let other kids see I was 'weird' and just trying to survive my home life and my grief. I never had time to dream or see my future. I guess because my mum died so young and so suddenly I never really felt like I owned the future anyway. I could be dead tomorrow that kind of mentality so as a consequence I never commit to ANYTHING (Other than my marriage and children). Anything else just doesn't seem important to me. I can't give a crap about my career. I have no self confidence and always talk myself out of things!

Anyway, I don't think you're abnormal to not have passions. I think sometimes I'd like to be good at something, like to find something I love but nothing seems to stick.

I think, from watching interviewees this morning talking about the referendum, for me passion translates to energy. And its the energy that I miss ( tired all the time, perimenopausal? ) and just wonder if I had a new passion would I be bounding with energy again.?

I've thought that & tried (really hard!) to find my passion and 'develop' passions like sewing, scuba diving!!! I'm quite envious of people who love one thing so much but the trouble is I think you just stumble across passions rather than develop them. I'm still looking!

That's a really sad tale princess . I hope you have managed to recreate the happy family life you missed out on, growing up

I had a happy childhood but had parents who didn't have passions.

I wonder if there is a relationship between people growing up with passionate parents and those who don't?

I don't have a passion as such either. I like plenty of things, and enjoy doing lots of things but there's nothing that makes me jump up and down. But I think passions can take over. DH is bi polar and he has passions for things that then drive him to distraction because he can't go often enough/train long enough etc. Thus we are driven to distraction.

I love my kids and DH and my family and I have some fantastic friends. Does it matter than I don't have a big passion? Not as far as I'm concerned.

I'm still waiting to find out what I'm going to be when I grow up. I have just started maternity leave for the second time and I've set myself a goal of having a real think. I don't want to go back to my old job without a goal or a plan.