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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think some people are not cut out for "passions"

153 replies

Itsjustmeagain · 16/09/2014 10:34

I know so many people who have a "passion" one thing in their life the dream of or cant get enough of. DH has always had a dream to run a particular type of business, which he now does. Friends of mine describe themselves as being passionate about all sort of things from breastfeeding to teaching.

I have NEVER felt like this about anything. I was a breastfeeding peer supporter for example and everyone else in the group would go crazy reading all the lastest research, posting about it all over facebook etc etc but i was just "meh" I mean I wanted to help people breastfeed but I just didnt feel as strongly about it as they did - which is the reason i quit in the end.

It is the same with other things, I did a history degree when I was younger, it was ok but I wouldnt say I was particularly interested in history. It just peaked my interest very slightly more that the other courses on offer!

Now I work from home for Dhs business and hate it. DH says do whatever you want, set up a business of your own and the main business can help support it, go to uni again, get a job, volunteer and then he says "do what you are passionate about!"

um nothing?I have NEVER since being a child has a passion or a drea mof the future!

AIBU to think that not everyone is cut out for "passions" some people just do things that are slightly less bad than the other options?

Or am i just really really boring?

OP posts:
drudgetrudy · 16/09/2014 11:40

One person's passion is another person's obsession.
It is good to feel strongly about something but when it starts to become an obsession which you wish to impose on everyone else, perhaps that isn't so good. eg It was great that you wanted to help other people with breastfeeding but it sounds as if some people became almost obsessed with breastfeeding.
There is a lot to be said for the middle way in many issues.
Having said that I agree that considering what makes you feel angry is a good clue to what you feel passionate about.

QueenChrysalis · 16/09/2014 11:41

I feel the same and it's crap. Now my eldest is at school I have two years until my youngest is too. I have no idea what I can do or what I want to do. I used to feel enthusiastic about things but I don't anymore or it seems too impossible to try. Being a bit of a jack of all trades means I'm good a lots of stuff but not amazing in one particular area. I've even done some accountancy exams but realise I don't and never will love that even if I can do it well. I was thinking about career or even life counselling, would that get out hiden passions and abilities?

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/09/2014 11:41

Meh.

Is my middle name.

Seriously, I have always said that there is nothing wrong with wanting to just faff about and enjoying each day as it comes.

I describe myself as 'pale and uninteresting' and have done for 30 odd years. It's how I roll.

SpaceStation · 16/09/2014 11:42

I do feel passionate about some things, such as my hobbies. Equipment and materials to do with my hobby literally make my heart beat faster. I also feel very strongly about some political issues and cultural issues that relate to my career. However I would say that my career is primarily about what I'm good at and what suits me. It is absolutely right for me and I've been doing it for 20+ years very successfully, but I don't start work every day feeling "passionate" about it. I don't think that's necessary either.

I think part of this "passionate" thing is that it's become one of those cliches you have to say in job interviews. Job ads say things like "the ideal applicant will be passionate about the concrete trade" etc. it's just daft. What's more important is that they know their stuff and are well-suited to the job and reliable – passion counts for nowt if you are a flaky, immature laze-ass.

I noticed on LinkedIn the other day, where it asks you to fill in some details about your interests and skills etc, it gives you an optional starter line "I am passionate about..." It's really annoying because if everyone says it it means nothing anyway.

It might be worth thinking about what you enjoy and what you are best at, but I wouldn't feel bad for not having a "passion".

TheRealMaryMillington · 16/09/2014 11:43

I reckon half of those people who have their passions are making it up anyway. Some of them get passionate about stuff to hide their own inadequacies or obscure lack of personality. Some of them just need an excuse to get away from their other halves. For some careers you have to buy into the idea of being passionate (because otherwise you'd not be able to bring yourselves to do it).

Also - pop psych head on here too - I think if you've had a great sadness or trauma you tend to realise that most stuff - work/hobbies/whatever is not "all that", and take life at a more even keel.

So long as you are happy, and try to enjoy what you do, passion schmassion.

PoirotsMoustache · 16/09/2014 11:45

I'm not passionate about anything in that way. I get a bit excited about reading a new novel by a loved author, and if I've got a trip out somewhere planned then I do look forward to it. But I'm not crazy passionate about anything. Things interest me, but not enough to research or do more than read one or two articles about. I've never had a life plan, I still don't know at the ripe old age of 35 exactly what I want to do with my life. I just kind of muddle along just 'being'.

My DH, on the other hand, is crazily passionate about cycling.

JessieMcJessie · 16/09/2014 11:47

I don't believe that you have never had a dream of the future. You have children- surely at some point when you were planning to have them you looked to the future with hope and optimism and maybe even excitement about being a parent? What about your wedding- didn't you and DH look jointly towards the future when planning that?

TheWordFactory · 16/09/2014 11:48

Sometimes those with 'passions' become highly irritating and evangelical!

I prefer enthusiasms. I am very enthusiastic about certain things. do you have that OP?

PetulaGordino · 16/09/2014 11:49

"I reckon half of those people who have their passions are making it up anyway"

seems unfair

i think it's harder for women to fully indulge "passions" anyway. they are often expected to take on so much of the everyday drudgery, and being able to seek out, grab, and run with your passion is often not compatible

madamemuddle · 16/09/2014 11:56

Thing is, I think you're not allowed to be average at anything these days. You even need to be passionate about dull as ar5ehole5 9 to 5 jobs these days and go the extra mile (i.e. work over and above).

Don't worry. Dip your toe in the water and do lots of things. You may find a passion, you may not. Who cares either way?

FrootLoopy · 16/09/2014 11:56

Op, are you a half glass full or a half glass empty type of person?

Because I think to have passion, you need to be a half glass full type of person.

I would think "ughh X event on saturday Ill need to get everyone ready to go" - would suggest to me that you're a half glass empty type of person. You will see the negatives of a situation before you will see the positives.

You can combat this to some extent, if you want to. Look at a situation and make yourself think of something positive about it. And then keep reminding yourself of that positive everytime you see the many negatives about it.

RoseTheHat · 16/09/2014 11:59

I hear you OP!

I think my passion might be "being left alone in peace with a good book and a cup of tea"

bunnybing · 16/09/2014 12:03

I know what you mean - I have enthusiasms for things but not really passions. I remember when I was doing my degree a PhD student who was supervising a project I was doing asked me (when project was going well) why I wasn't more enthusiastic. His passion was for a soil dwelling bacteria (he got a 2 i in his degree but said he'd have got a 1st had the degree just been on that).
A friend is passionate about her small home-based sewing business she has, I know I would just find it hard work and repetitive.

MajesticWhine · 16/09/2014 12:05

DH is excessively passionate about things. I find it to be selfish and irritating. Pursuing solo things, when family should occasionally come first. Grrr.

PetulaGordino · 16/09/2014 12:07

majesticwhine a colleague's H is into doing iron man competitions. all the training takes hours and hours. he works full time during the week, and then trains for about 6-8 hours a day at the weekend. they have two preschool age children and can never do anything as a family

PetulaGordino · 16/09/2014 12:08

their holidays are spent joining him on iron man competitions

MajesticWhine · 16/09/2014 12:10

Yep. Sounding very familiar. In response, I have developed a passion for swearing and passive aggressive behaviour.

code · 16/09/2014 12:16

I find people with 'passions/obsessions' quite exhausting, boring too if they harp on about it. I too am a bimbler. Sometimes I like something but I can never muster the energy required to be truly bothered.

Original poster
Itsjustmeagain · 16/09/2014 12:18

I think I just developed a passionate hatred for one of our clients. Does that count?

OP posts:
BardarbungaBardarbing · 16/09/2014 12:21

I share a passion for bimbling.

IrenetheQuaint · 16/09/2014 12:23

Grin at the passion for soil-dwelling bacteria.

I've never been passionate about anything, I am naturally moderate, but I have lots of interests and really enjoy my life.

Maybe the question for you, OP, is not 'what is my passion?' but 'what could I do for a job that I would hate less than my current one?' There must be something. What do you mildly enjoy doing?

Original poster
Itsjustmeagain · 16/09/2014 12:27

Irene I always think i would like to work in a nursery but it seems more a job for younger people and would be a significant pay cut so I just sort of left it there. To be fair I would enjoy pretty much any job more than my current one!

OP posts:
minipie · 16/09/2014 12:27

I don't have a passion for anything either.

I like to think it's because I'm a good all-rounder Grin

I do have some pretty strong opinions about some things, but not to the extent that I'd start a campaign about them or let them dominate my life.

My dream for the future is to be happy and healthy and have enough money for the family to be comfortable. No specific goals to achieve otherwise.

I also agree with TheRealMary: I reckon half of those people who have their passions are making it up anyway. Some of them just need an excuse to get away from their other halves.

AmberLav · 16/09/2014 12:29

I love my job, but I'm not "passionate" about it, I think it's completely normal to not be "passionate" about anything, but then I am someone who gets all annoyed when watching a drama etc, when the characters get all swept up in the emotion, and suddenly start having affairs etc!

But then I grew up with an alcoholic dad, who was all consumed by his particular passion...

Thankfully my DH is equally non-passionate; don't get me wrong, we have lots of things we enjoy, our family friends etc... I really enjoy my life, without getting obsessed about anything...

IrenetheQuaint · 16/09/2014 12:31

I don't see why working in a nursery should just be for younger people, OP. Though of course the pay is an issue.

But you can't spend the rest of your life doing a job you loathe! Could you do a childcare course and try to get a part time job in a nursery, or something? Or volunteer for a while and see you like it? Life is too short to be miserable in your job every day.