AIBU to think some people are not cut out for "passions"

[Itsjustmeagain]

I know so many people who have a "passion" one thing in their life the dream of or cant get enough of. DH has always had a dream to run a particular type of business, which he now does. Friends of mine describe themselves as being passionate about all sort of things from breastfeeding to teaching.

I have NEVER felt like this about anything. I was a breastfeeding peer supporter for example and everyone else in the group would go crazy reading all the lastest research, posting about it all over facebook etc etc but i was just "meh" I mean I wanted to help people breastfeed but I just didnt feel as strongly about it as they did - which is the reason i quit in the end.

It is the same with other things, I did a history degree when I was younger, it was ok but I wouldnt say I was particularly interested in history. It just peaked my interest very slightly more that the other courses on offer!

Now I work from home for Dhs business and hate it. DH says do whatever you want, set up a business of your own and the main business can help support it, go to uni again, get a job, volunteer and then he says "do what you are passionate about!"

um nothing?I have NEVER since being a child has a passion or a drea mof the future!

AIBU to think that not everyone is cut out for "passions" some people just do things that are slightly less bad than the other options?

Or am i just really really boring?

I feel exactly the same way. It worries and scares me that I still have not found something I'm passionate about or even good at! I even ask people close to me to tell what they think I am good at but no one can seem to answer. Its honestly so depressing. I have no hobbies because I have no passions. I'm not good at anything because I have no passions. It makes me feel like a more than below average human being. And feel like it explains why I've only been with one man and he even he left

I think bimbling is just excellent. Bimblers do far less harm in the world than thrusting, dynamic, passionate types. And it does sound like you have quite a bit on your plate? I'd just keep bimbling until you have the space in your life to find out what you like. But passion is an overused word and people do put on a good or dramatic show on facebook.

Sometimes life sweeps me along through its stages without a chance to pause and think. A bit of space and calm for a few months helps me to adjust course towards what I might prefer to do. But I can't decide on or make adjustments when I'm lurching from reaction to reaction during the survival phases, if that makes sense?

BTW I decided not to go ahead with breastfeeding support training because of the over-enthusiasm of my future colleagues - I think I would always have felt like a shamlike-not-quite-convert in comparison and would have ended up pretending I was "Truly Saved". I wanted to help people, not damn them.

I've always said that I would love to feel so passionate about something, that I want to keep on doing it.

I've tried lots of things but I always lose interest very quickly. I feel I am really missing out. I think it would be wonderful to really really enjoy something for a long time.

Couple of things to comment on here.

OP - "I know so many people who have a passion..."... of all the people you know, how many of these actually have a passion as you describe, in percentage terms? It could be that once you look at actual figures (boring, I know) it may not be as many as you think. They will stand out more and therefore give you the (understandable) impression that it is "so many people".

Someone wisely posted earlier that it is about terminology - passion / enthusiasm / strong interest etc. If you do fancy exploring yours further, it might be worth asking someone you know and trust to notice next time you're talking about something and you talk more quickly or use your arms/hands more - sure signs that you're animated and interested in it. Or notice it yourself.

You could even try doing a Strengths assessment - this is the most easily accessible and cost effective one: strengths.gallup.com/110440/About-StrengthsFinder-20.aspx - or find a trainee life coach in your area who may be looking for coaching clients to build up their hours.

I have realised as I'm typing this that I am giving you advice which isn't what you asked for...! Apologies. I hope you do find some of this helpful.

Agree that the terminology is annoying: to me passion is a sex thing. I refuse to say that I have a passion for anything/anyone in a non-sexual sense. I have things I'm interested it, but passionate ... blegh.

Anyway I also think it's just fine to be calm about life. I have never been able to visualise the future so I never planned it, but I've done pretty well if I do sat so myself.

OP: I can't understand you one tiny little bit. I live for my passions, would literally die without them (would probably do away with myself, no lie, life isn't worth living without them).

...but that doesn't mean it's wrong to not have one. In a way, I'm envious. I've sacrificed a lot, probably prioritised the wrong things and thrown stuff to the wall in order to get my way and continue with my passions. Maybe they make me very selfish and I'd have a happier life if I could just bimble along and be satisfied with the day-to-day stuff?

think I think there should be a half way house between me envying you and you envying people like me. It would be lovely to be enthusiastic about something but not to the detriment of other things.

haha yes, I'm not very good at half measures though! There you are trying to be all reasonable and here I am like 'halfway house? nahh! ...We'd be a great crimefighting duo I think?

the thing is, i don't think that in general women (mothers) do tend to have hobbies/enthusiasms/passions that are really detrimental to their family or impinge on caring/household duties. they are discouraged away from things that involve lots of time outside the house. men seem to get away far more with activities that involve many hours of training and/or lots of travel and/or expensive and bulky equipment

things that are geared towards women are often far less time-consuming, or family-orientated, or can be done inside the house (such as crafts). and inevitably not every woman is going to be interested in those things

You need spare energy to feel passionate about things and with 4 little kids and your traumatic history your energy is probably just being used up by surviving each day. Which is completely understandable.

It sounds like you need to give yourself a break and maybe slowly and gently work through the how your Mum's illness and death affected you and might still be affecting you. When your kids are older you might well discover all sorts of new passions. And don't compare yourself unfavourably to other people - you had to cope with stuff your whole life that they have probably never faced. xx

Hi OP I agree with the poster who says she doesn't like the word passion in a non passionate way IYKWIM. Just wanted to let you know that I was and am a Bimbler in all walks of life and there is nothing wrong with it but I did also feel like I was missing out. I guess I found my 'strong interest' a couple of years ago at the grand old age of 46. It is now my new career and I do understand what other people were talking about now. I would probably do this 'strong interest' all my waking hours if I could. I have to be careful to keep the balance as my DC are only 6 and 8. Good luck, sounds like nothing is wrong but you might find something when you are older like me.

It's not just you. I am the same. I've never had any particular ambition - I can generally do any job, but I never love it. Added to this I am pessimistic and anti social. I'm a joy

I love Ken Robinson, he is as close to an idol as I'd ever have I think. I'd love to meet him, he'd be an interesting person to speak too I'm sure.

I've known about HE for a long time, briefly looked into it in my late teens and have been dipping in and out of researching it for the past 5 or so years. I have nannied a home educated child but he was HEd because he was on the Autistic Spectrum. The past year I've been dipping into it more, I have notebooks and mid maps on my computer dedicated to it and creating ideas, I just need a couple of kids now to get the plan in motion DP wasn't happy with the idea of us HEing at first but knew how important it was to me not to put my kids into school at 5 years old. He's studying to become an electrical and electronics engineer and is very keen on the idea that by home edding it means that we can turn them into budding little STEM lovers and coding geniuses

Could you offer some sort of service to Home Ed children? I live in an area with quite a lot of HEd kids and there are loads of small groups of parents who band together to get a tutor in various subjects, we even have a Home Ed "School" near me where they do robotics, which I find interesting

Could you do any further study? I'm studying with MOOCs at the moment (mainly Coursera, but EdX has an awesome Anthropology course on at the moment!) I'd doing quite a variety of courses to try work out what is for me and expand my knowledge. I'm even doing a course about dinosaurs It's all free, which is great. Most courses are between 8 and 12 weeks long and take a between 2 and 8 hours a week :)

(STEM = Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)

Another TED talker you may like OP is Sugata Mitra. He did a brilliant experiment based in India, where he left computers in poor towns with access to only one wikipedia page. In English. In a town with few English speakers. He told a bunch of kids that there was a strange thing over there and he didn't know what to do with it, then left for a month or so.

www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_shows_how_kids_teach_themselves

I accidentally deleted the second paragraph, basically said that you have to watch it yourself as the results are brilliant

Here's a better video, I'm not sure if the last one has it on actually:
www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_build_a_school_in_the_cloud

This is all media driven.
Switch the telly off for 2 weeks, play games, talk, no mobike phones or internet. Everything will disapoear, because all this rubbish stems from the virtual world.

I wince whenever I hear 'passionate'. It's such an overused expression and usually just means 'quite enjoy'.

I think,if you do a bit of research into personality types you will find that people are just different. I do not generally experience emotional highs and lows but just plod along on a fairly even keel.I love my job and my family but am just not the type to get passionate about stuff. My husband is similar. If you are a very laid back person you are less likely to experience feeling passionate about things because your emotions don't work on that level of intensity.

I don't think it's a bad thing. There are lots of things I'm really interested in and a few things I'm dedicated to but I don't seem to experience the extremes of emotions that other people do and are often seen on MN.

Sometimes people that are PASSIONATE about whatever are the same people who say they're FURIOUS at someone with no child parking in a parent and child space outside Tesco and refusing to move ...or SOBBING because the woman in John Lewis said they'd need a size 14 and not a 12.

I read some threads on here and think really? You're terrified of/angry about/crying about THAT?. And I'd never criticise someone for how they feel or judge them for it but I'm glad my response to things means I'm not experiencing extremes of emotion every day.

It's much less exhausting and less draining to be 'meh' about most things!.

I think there is a lot of truth in that. I don't experience the highs, which is a shame, but equally I don't experience the lows either. I'm fairly placid. But I still feel I'm missing out. I'd love to be passionate about something

Yes its all dramatic words isn't it I agree with that sentiment

I agree with this, DH is a non-extreme person and it constantly surprises me just how non joyful/curious/upset he is about 'stuff'. I experience everything really extremely. When I'm up I'm wayyy up and invincible...and the opposite.

me too, though I was fairly passionate/driven about my own future as a teenager. But I was probably just a bit teenage-selfish - nothing else to concentrate on at that time but myself. So it was was easy to give all my time to exactly what I wanted to pursue, I could set a goal and aim for it like an Exocet.
All gone now. Enthusiasm and drive vanish, real life gets in the way, too busy multi-tasking, or just winding down on an evening.
I do wonder if it'll come back or whether that's it, just (word of the day) bimbling now. Happily most of the time, but I do kind of miss that buzz of setting out to achieve, following a process, and then achieving.
(did do the c25k last year, got a small buzz of being able to run 5km at the end. I have stopped running now - it turned out it wasn't my passion either!)

This is me too, I grew up in a small town and all I knew I wanted to do with my life was to move to London and to have kids, no idea about possible careers. So I achieved my 2 aims and also got a PhD without being particularly enthusiastic about the subject and now do a related job which everyone thinks must be really interesting which it would be if I could feel more than mild interest in the subject.
All those career advice columns that say, what are your hobbies, what would you do without being paid and I have no idea at all. I guess I have put at lot of energy into the DC who do have hobbies but they are becoming much more independent now so I have lots of free time and no idea how to fill it. I would love to be a more curious person, someone who googles stuff they don't know about but most of the time I can't be bothered.