Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Church attendance and sport

296 replies

FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 08:21

If you are a firm believer in attending church regularly, how do you square this up with your desire for your DC to play a sport regularly, when that sport happens to fall on a Sunday morning?

DS1 loves a particular sport (DH has passed on his passion for it) which isn't as common as others, and all the clubs around here seem to do training for it on a Sunday morning. Next school year (or perhaps even birthday if they allow mid season starts) he will be old enough to start training at the clubs. Games don't actually start until he is a few years older though.

But I run Sunday club for half the month, the DC attend it with me, both DH and I are firm Christians and do lots of extra duties at church. The church is quite central to our lives in the community.

I'm finding this difficult to square up. I know there are evensong services (CofE) but they're not the same as communion services at 10 am and we don't have them at our local church so would have to go further afield anyway, the 8 am services are just too early and too 'plain' for the DC - and for me tbh.

We used to attend a cathedral, but have moved to a local parish church when our DC were old enough to understand things, so that they could be part of a church community.

There aren't a lot of other children at church, so if mine suddenly don't attend I think the Sunday school would close, tbh.

But I really want him to play this sport, and if he doesn't start training at the same age as other children, he won't ever have the chance to progress in it.

How do others deal with this?

OP posts:
cailindana · 15/09/2014 08:28

Go to the 8 am service.

If you can't be bothered to go to that then there's no much point being part of the religion, is there?

OvertiredandConfused · 15/09/2014 08:37

It's tough. On a practical level, you and your DH might need to alternate who takes DS1 to his activity and only all attend church together on extra special occasions.

Do remember though that there are opportunities to worship other than Sunday morning. I understand the fellowship aspect - it's really important to me at many levels - and worship style preference too. Our church now has two, small and informal, services aimed primarily at busy mums. One meets on Friday mornings twice a month and the other on Tuesday evenings, also twice a month. I also now attend a small home group. Some of this stuff has come about to attract / support / retain families in the same position as you.

In terms of DC church attendance, mine attend a youth club that keeps them close to the church. We've also done a fun Sunday school type activity after school one day. I haven't often insisted on church attendance for them since the age of about 8, although major festivals etc are non-negotiable. DD13 has just started confirmation classes, her choice, so I'm guessing we've generally got the balance right.

Ultimately, I'm a firm believer that DC are more likely to feel confident exploring and growing their faith if it's part of their life rather than an obstacle to it IYSWIM.

Finally, and hope this doesn't sound facetious, you may well find your solution in prayer.

KatyMac · 15/09/2014 08:38

Set up an Sunday afternoon/after school 'Sunday' school for the children

Explored · 15/09/2014 08:39

How old is he? I think there comes a time when it has to be their choice (maybe 8/9?). They're not going to stay in the church if they feel they've missed out of what they really wanted to do because of it.

They can still be involved in the church community and love God without attending Sunday services.

WooWooOwl · 15/09/2014 08:40

I'm not a churchgoer so my perspective may not be one you're looking for, but I think religion should enhance people's lives, not dominate them.

If I prevented my child from doing an activity that they really wanted to do because of church, I'd worry that in the long run they'd end up resenting church when they are old enough to have a say.

I think I'd either go to the 8am service or find an evening one.

If there's only a few other children at Sunday school, then your dc won't miss anything by not being there as you can give them all the religious instruction you want at home and they will meet new friends at the activity.

Your family, including your children, could still be part of a church community without going to this particular service, especially if it's quite central to your lives.

TheFirstOfHerName · 15/09/2014 08:40

From the age of 11-14, DS1 played rugby every Sunday morning from September to April. The rest of us went to church. He sometimes went to church on a Sunday evening or mid-week.

This season, he has decided that church on Sunday mornings is important to him, so has found a team that train & play on Saturdays.

In summary, my answer is: let the child have some input into the decision.

lordnoobson · 15/09/2014 08:42

Is your kid a Christian? Does he prefer rugby!

wigglesrock · 15/09/2014 08:43

You're going to have to compromise with your church times, I know you're worried about the church club closing if your children don't go, but that's not your responsibility. Most sporting clubs where I live run on a Sunday morning any parents I know that are regular mass goers go the night before or they don't go as a family, or they skip mass the odd weekend.

Lweji · 15/09/2014 08:44

I know there are evensong services (CofE) but they're not the same as communion services at 10 am and we don't have them at our local church so would have to go further afield anyway, the 8 am services are just too early and too 'plain' for the DC - and for me tbh.
Surely it's not about how the service is conducted but that you attend service.
I go to whatever church and whatever service that suits at the time.

And I'd see how the sunday club goes. Surely at some point your children would stop going anyway? There are other children.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/09/2014 08:52

The other thing to remember is that the sport will probably only take place in term-time, which leaves weeks of the year when you can all attend the 'main' service. And you'll likely be able to do lift shares and things so or DH doesn't have to take him. I would definitely let him do the activity and work round it, accepting you won't always get to go to the service you like.

BigDorrit · 15/09/2014 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

combust22 · 15/09/2014 08:58

What does your son think?

Can god only be worshipped on a Sunday?

Lweji · 15/09/2014 09:00

Let him do something useful like playing sport.

Useful for?
Surely he could play other useful sports at other times, if necessary.
It doesn't have to be either or.

sanfairyanne · 15/09/2014 09:03

how old is he?
we set up midweek messy church and family friday church to suit people with busy sundays. maybe look into similar? could revive your church

ElephantsNeverForgive · 15/09/2014 09:08

BigDorut Not helpfulHmm

I live near a small village and it's a church school, so most of the children enjoy fellowship and community, without going to church except once a month fun club or special occasions.

Loads go to the chapel youth group, despite being Atheists or CofE.

I think you have to find a way of keeping church/faith/fellowship in your DS life without it stopping him doing what he enjoys.

DH and his DM didn't quite have words about being back for evensong every Sunday, but it was a very close run thing.

gordyslovesheep · 15/09/2014 09:09

what does YOUR CHILD actually want to do

CuChullain · 15/09/2014 09:12

"Useful for?"

Apart from the obvious 'useful' benefits of cardiovascular exercise children playing sports is 'useful' that for at least a few hours they put down the ipad and get some fresh air, they learn to work hard, they learn to play by the rules, they learn to be on a team, they learn how to win and just as importantly learn how to lose, they learn to accept concepts of authority and hopefully along the way they will probably have oodles of fun, make friends and be proud of their achievements.

combust22 · 15/09/2014 09:19

Sport is a much healthier option than religpous indoctrination.

Scholes34 · 15/09/2014 09:19

Football has impacted on our attendance at church and whilst some people might get sniffy when we turn out for the Christmas carol service, one very nice member of the congregation was more understanding and commented that our lives sometimes take us in a different direction and it's difficult to make it to church and that it doesn't make us any less a Christian. The Church will still be there long after your DS has stopped playing matches.

DinoSnores · 15/09/2014 09:32

We've made the decision that we all go to church on a Sunday, with only the very occasional exception. It is a day set aside to worship God, to rest, to be with other Christians, to welcome Christians and non-Christians into our home and family.

CuChullain · 15/09/2014 09:35

@ DinoSnores

Were your children consulted on this decision?

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 09:35

How old is he?

Heels99 · 15/09/2014 09:37

If he loves golf or whatever let him do that and go to the 8am service or not at all.

allmycats · 15/09/2014 09:40

You don't have to be in a certain place at a certain time to be a Christian.
You actually come across as quite a selfish perosn in your post that it is all about 'you' and what 'you' want. You can be a Christian at any day/time or place. If the Sunday school is so very important to you why don't you change this to another day, and maybe after school i in our village we had an after school 'Tuesday Club' run by the ladies who used to have the 'Sunday school' - it was open to ALL children regardless of faith.

DinoSnores · 15/09/2014 09:43

CuChullain, no, because they are 4 and 1! But that is how we will be doing things as a family, so they are going to grow up with Sundays being a lovely special day of family time, church, having people over for lunch. That's the way it is and is going to be.

Swipe left for the next trending thread