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Original poster

Church attendance and sport

296 replies

FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 08:21

If you are a firm believer in attending church regularly, how do you square this up with your desire for your DC to play a sport regularly, when that sport happens to fall on a Sunday morning?

DS1 loves a particular sport (DH has passed on his passion for it) which isn't as common as others, and all the clubs around here seem to do training for it on a Sunday morning. Next school year (or perhaps even birthday if they allow mid season starts) he will be old enough to start training at the clubs. Games don't actually start until he is a few years older though.

But I run Sunday club for half the month, the DC attend it with me, both DH and I are firm Christians and do lots of extra duties at church. The church is quite central to our lives in the community.

I'm finding this difficult to square up. I know there are evensong services (CofE) but they're not the same as communion services at 10 am and we don't have them at our local church so would have to go further afield anyway, the 8 am services are just too early and too 'plain' for the DC - and for me tbh.

We used to attend a cathedral, but have moved to a local parish church when our DC were old enough to understand things, so that they could be part of a church community.

There aren't a lot of other children at church, so if mine suddenly don't attend I think the Sunday school would close, tbh.

But I really want him to play this sport, and if he doesn't start training at the same age as other children, he won't ever have the chance to progress in it.

How do others deal with this?

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/09/2014 10:46

This is not about church vs sport. It's about the particular church service you prefer vs sport.

This

TryingNotToLaugh · 15/09/2014 10:48

dino

Of course a 4 year old is happy to go to church. He'll go wherever you tell him he wants to go, just as long as you're there too.

When he's a rugby/cricket/ football playing 10 yr old, he might not be so enamoured of going to church in lieu of his sport.

Gunznroses · 15/09/2014 10:49

But OP has said I know there are evensong services (CofE) but they're not the same as communion services at 10 am and we don't have them at our local church so would have to go further afield anyway, the 8 am services are just too early and too 'plain' for the DC - and for me tbh.

Evensong service is a different service to Communion, and 8 am service is not geared towards dc.

BramwellBrown · 15/09/2014 10:50

I found a Saturday club for DS' sport, it means we have to travel further but he can still go to church on a Sunday, he does have the occasional match on a Sunday morning but those weeks we just go to evening mass. But being catholic all masses have communion so its less of an issue which mass he goes to, plus our Sunday school is only really for small children (they're expected to go to mass once they start doing first communion in year 3) and DS is year 6 and an altar server so wouldn't be going to it anyway.

we set up midweek messy church and family friday church to suit people with busy sundays. I love this idea, we have Junior Legion of Mary during the week which is our youth thing but i would desperately love to have messy church, I took DD to one at the local CofE church (because her dad is CofE and we try to teach her about both) and it was fantastic but no one at my church wants to help me set one up

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 10:51

Dino- I know it looks as if I am focussing on you- but I'm not, honestly. well, maybe I am But when your 4 year old is, say, 6, and is invited to their very best friend's party on a Sunday afternoon what will you say to them about why they can't go?

niminypiminy · 15/09/2014 10:53

"This is not about church vs sport. It's about the particular church service you prefer vs sport."

But the OP has responsibilities at church -- and church isn't simply like a supermarket where you go and choose the thing you like, it's a community that is only sustained by people being committed to it. It's not so simple as saying 'choose another church product'.

And Lweji my guess from your posts is that you're a Catholic, so the mass would be the default type of service. In the CofE other services may well not be communion services so really very different -- and the OP may well feel (as I would do) that taking communion is essential for her.

I think myself that some compromise will have to happen, at least for a time. But I guess that all those people who are saying 'oh just go to a different service' might not have a very good idea of why it is important to the OP to go to the service she currently attends.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 15/09/2014 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 15/09/2014 10:55

I find it very sad that people are so militant about church attendance and insist on going EVERY Sunday. If you're c of e then you'll understand god can be worshipped anywhere at any time and you don't need to go to church to be a Christian.

I understand communion is very important to a lot of people but children cannot take communion in a c of e church as confirmation traditionally happens much later so to my mind missing Sunday once in a whole to develop themselves as a whole person isn't a bad thing

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 10:56

"Think you're getting a bit of a roasting"

Really a roasting??????

Where, for heaven's sake?

Gunznroses · 15/09/2014 10:57

Problem with these these religious threads is you get a lot of well meaning people but who do not have a faith coming on to give advice not really understanding the importance or significance of certain practices.

DogCalledRudis · 15/09/2014 10:59

Is the certain activity only possible on a Sunday morning?

DinoSnores · 15/09/2014 10:59

Hakluyt, that's alright, I won't take it personally! Smile

I've said twice already that this is our general 'policy' and there might be occasional exceptions, so that might be fine.

When I take my Brownies away on holiday, I don't get to church at all that weekend and leave the rest of my family to their own devices (they do go to church and then my PILs will come and visit to cook DH and the DC Sunday lunch despite the fact that he's perfectly capable but MIL does fret a bit so it makes her happy to do it!). I do that once a year. I don't have any regular Brownie commitments on a Sunday, I don't go to Brownie trainings on a Sunday or have Brownie planning meetings on a Sunday, but we've decided (my DH and I, for the benefit of CuChullain) an annual Brownie holiday that gives the girls an amazing experience is a worthwhile exception.

treaclesoda · 15/09/2014 11:01

I think it's quite normal for churchgoing families to refuse to allow their children to attend eg parties on a Sunday. It's certainly very common where I live. Although tbh it's so common that even non churchgoing parents generally wouldn't organise a party for a Sunday morning because they know that three quarters of the kids wouldn't be allowed to come.

Lweji · 15/09/2014 11:01

In the CofE other services may well not be communion services so really very different -- and the OP may well feel (as I would do) that taking communion is essential for her.

Yes, but also, AFAIK in CoE is not as important to attend church as for Catholicism.

It also depends on how old this child is.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 15/09/2014 11:03

lewij it's not. I think it's Eddie izzard who describes it as Christianity lite Grin

niminypiminy · 15/09/2014 11:05

"I understand communion is very important to a lot of people but children cannot take communion in a c of e church as confirmation traditionally happens much later so to my mind missing Sunday once in a whole to develop themselves as a whole person isn't a bad thing"

Wrong. Children can take communion in the CofE. Churches have different practices but in many churches children can take communion once they have had preparation for communion, in some churches any baptised child can take communion.

You don't have to go to church to be a Christian, but for Christians worshipping together is central to our faith. And that goes for the Church of England just as much as any other church!

DinoSnores · 15/09/2014 11:06

"When he's a rugby/cricket/ football playing 10 yr old, he might not be so enamoured of going to church in lieu of his sport."

tryingnottolaugh, to be fair, he started school last week and was disappointed he wasn't able to go to school on Saturday or Sunday! Grin As for your actual point, as I have said already, he might not be so enamoured, but he might be and he might continue to love church.

As church members, Sunday school teachers, church leaders, parents, we have the significant responsibility of making church attractive and important and great to children, of ensuring that church is equally for them as members of the church (in the local church and more widely) and one that we take really seriously.

I don't know how it is going to work out for our family specifically. I've seen so many children come to their own Christian faith (at the moment, yes, my DC's personal faith, if they have one, does come very much off of ours) independent of their parents through their teenage years and beyond. Equally, there have been some children who have left the church and left the Christian faith and we pray for them that they would return.

But my job as a mother specifically is to share with my children my faith and the outworkings of that faith, the importance of it, and hope that God uses that, along with other people/experiences etc, to draw them into a personal relationship with him.

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 11:06

I do think we have to know how old the child is.

I think anyone over about 9/10 should be able to make their own decision about going to church. And about going to rugby training.

In fact, I've just invented a rule of thumb. If you're old enough to be left at home for an hour, you're old enough to decide whether you want to go to a church or not.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 15/09/2014 11:07

Well that's how it was at my church as a child and how it is in the church I attend as an adult. Communion is seen as something you need to make a conscious decision to take and it's seen as a huge deal.

If the OP's child hasn't been confirmed then for that particular child attending a communion service isn't essential

niminypiminy · 15/09/2014 11:08

Lweji and Ididntseeit the Church of England isn't Christianity lite that's ignorance and prejudice. It's just as important to go to church as it is in any other denomination but the CofE doesn't make it an obligation as the RCC does. Voluntary but not unimportant.

TryingNotToLaugh · 15/09/2014 11:08

in some churches any baptised child can take communion

Really? In which ones?

I've been going to (CofE) churches on and off for the last 40 years and I didn't know this.

I thought they had to be confirmed.

Lweji · 15/09/2014 11:10

That was what I mean. Apologies for using the expression importance.
For us it's a sin we have to confess to. I meant it in comparison to that.
But I didn't mean it as not important.

DinoSnores · 15/09/2014 11:12

www.churchofengland.org/our-faith/confirmation/frequently-asked-questions.aspx#receive

Q.Can I receive communion without being confirmed?

Confirmation is about so much more than receiving the bread and wine. Anyone in preparation for the confirmation can receive communion as part of that preparation. In some dioceses children are admitted to Holy Communion when they reach an age at which they can understand the meaning of the Eucharist or Holy Communion (to the extent as any of us ever can understand it). This means that some young people will come to confirmation having been participating in Holy Communion while others will receive their first Communion after Confirmation.

I'm not a member of the CofE (I'm a Baptist) so just Googled this. This is the second new thing that I've learnt today!

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 15/09/2014 11:12

It's not prejudice it's a simplistic explanation. Catholicism is very militant and regimented and rituals and regimes are very much central to the faith.

As a Protestant and one who follows the C of E path it is and always has been very much more relaxed, one you can dip in an out of, one that you can either sit on the periphery or throw yourself in full force. It's much more relaxed and you don't need to attend church every single Sunday, it's not a requirement

niminypiminy · 15/09/2014 11:12

"If the OP's child hasn't been confirmed then for that particular child attending a communion service isn't essential"

Sorry to keep banging on about it, but that is wrong -- in many CofE churches children can be admitted to communion before they are confirmed, and sometimes (depending on local policy) any baptised child can take communion.