Oh dear, the OP here.
I had MEANT to post this in philosophy and religion. Not quite sure how I managed to post in AIBU....!!!! But hey ho, I have (flak jacket donned!!!) and will now try to answer some of the questions. Apologies if I have missed any out, and apologies if anyone thinks I'm drip feeding.
DS is 7, the sport in question is hockey (grass hockey in case any Americans are reading this and get confused!), they play from 8. (Sigh... this may well out me, time for a NC soon I fear)
I grew up in a very evangelical church, hell and damnation, can't miss a Sunday for anything type of thing. I resented it like crazy, took a long time to find it in me to forgive my parents and the rest of the church for it. Probably still carry a chip on my shoulder from it, but have tried my best to overcome it and move on.
My nephews were very good at football/soccer (different country, not as big a sport there as in the UK) but because their clubs played on Sundays, they couldn't move into weekday club sport until much older, and stopped playing before they reached that level because they simply weren't up to scratch compared to their fellow players who had joined teams. I watched this happen quite sadly, but my DSis was adamant that Sunday mornings was for church and that was it. Luckily they don't seem to be resentful of this.
I do NOT want this to happen. It's NOT going to happen. My question is, how do I manage it? How do I square it away within myself? (And in the spirit of where I managed to post - AIBU to try???!)
DS loves church, he loves sports, he loves school. He's actually very easy going in many ways.
DH travels quite a lot, some of it will encompass weekends, lots of it not planned further ahead than a month or two - not easily compatible with a school, church and sports diary which is set much further ahead. So while I had thought about alternating weekends, there are many times that this wouldn't be possible. I may be able to share lifts with other parents, no idea. We're not there yet.
Church services during the week - DS goes to an independent school, his days finish later, 4.30 without clubs, 5.30 with clubs. I also have a DS2 who is a couple of years younger. They are very tired during the week, and I don't think it would be fair.
We will miss out church services occasionally for parties, to visit another church, visit friends or because everyone is exhausted and I think we need a quiet day. So I'm not fanatical about going each and every week, but I would prefer that we USUALLY go weekly.
The 8 am service, is fast, no singing, only a few older people attending - so no, I don't think it's a suitable service to be taking DC to on a regular basis. Occasionally, sure. Regularly? What a way to put them off church for life! DS LOVES singing, btw. Communion services - we have a once a month family service that doesn't have a communion, and I do feel slightly cheated. So I would prefer to find a service that had communion, but would consider occasionally going to the 8 am service on my own, or a weekday service on my own for that (I am also licensed as an Assistant to the Eucharist, and am on the rota for that too). But I do like the blessing which children get in the service, I love that it's personalised because our Vicar knows my DSs. Evensong services - I feel more of a spectator than a participant in these. But if it was that or nothing, then I would take it. Personally, I would prefer it if my DSs waited until they were confirmed before they took communion.
There is NO chance of an afternoon children's service. I had to fight to get Sunday club reinstated, and am having to run it myself as it is.
There is a youth group which at the moment isn't running for DS1's age group because there is no one to run it. Again, I have been trying to find someone to run it. It will help, but even when that gets going, it doesn't really take the place of a church service, but does go a long way to maintaining the sense of community around the church.
But in all of this is DS2, who is too young for hockey club, too young for the youth group, but has to be included. For him there is only Sunday Club, so if it stops, he misses out. He is also hockey mad (Thanks DH!!!), so in a couple of years he will also be joining up, so this is only a temporary difference - although I guess there might be differences in training times on Sunday, again, don't know yet.
DH does training with them, that is how they have become hockey mad. He will continue to do training with them, has done sessions at their school, will do more. But they will need more than that.