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Original poster

Church attendance and sport

296 replies

FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 08:21

If you are a firm believer in attending church regularly, how do you square this up with your desire for your DC to play a sport regularly, when that sport happens to fall on a Sunday morning?

DS1 loves a particular sport (DH has passed on his passion for it) which isn't as common as others, and all the clubs around here seem to do training for it on a Sunday morning. Next school year (or perhaps even birthday if they allow mid season starts) he will be old enough to start training at the clubs. Games don't actually start until he is a few years older though.

But I run Sunday club for half the month, the DC attend it with me, both DH and I are firm Christians and do lots of extra duties at church. The church is quite central to our lives in the community.

I'm finding this difficult to square up. I know there are evensong services (CofE) but they're not the same as communion services at 10 am and we don't have them at our local church so would have to go further afield anyway, the 8 am services are just too early and too 'plain' for the DC - and for me tbh.

We used to attend a cathedral, but have moved to a local parish church when our DC were old enough to understand things, so that they could be part of a church community.

There aren't a lot of other children at church, so if mine suddenly don't attend I think the Sunday school would close, tbh.

But I really want him to play this sport, and if he doesn't start training at the same age as other children, he won't ever have the chance to progress in it.

How do others deal with this?

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 21:05

Did somebody just say not tell him that there is a hockey club????????

Please- tell me nobody said that!

Beastofburden · 15/09/2014 21:25

I certainly tried to influence my kids. There were some things where I really wanted them to feel the same as I do, and they don't, and I let it go. Classical music, for instance. Gave up around age 12 Grin

There are other things where I never gave up and wouldn't give up now. Work ethic. Honesty. Kindness. These values to me are non-negotiable.

If I was sincerely religious, I am sure that I would place faith in that second camp. As I am an atheist, it is quite important to me that I did not bring my children up in a faith- which is the same thing as someone of faith finding it important that their kids grow up Christian.

I can completely see why ppl do it. If you sincerely think it is true then of course it is almost the most important thing you could teach your kids.

I have an issue with ppl who dont really think its true, but who bring their kids up as Christians because it is socially the thing where they live. But I can't honestly criticise a devout person for wanting their kids to understand what is, to them, a fundamentally important truth.

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 21:32

"But I can't honestly criticise a devout person for wanting their kids to understand what is, to them, a fundamentally important truth."

Neither can I. But I have a real problem with the idea of children not having a say in it, or being expected to continue to go to church if they have made the decision that they no longer believe.

Beastofburden · 15/09/2014 21:37

I agree for myself, hak. But then I ask myself: supposing my DC had gone through a phase of shoplifting? Would I say, I can't hold them to an ideal of honesty which they no longer accept?

You understand,this is a theoretical exercise, because I am a raving atheist. I am trying to equate faith with so thing I sincerely believe to be terribly important, to see what I would do.

niminypiminy · 15/09/2014 21:48

Or compare it to playing a musical instrument. It's quite common for children to want to give up and to have to be nagged into practicing. If you think playing the violin is worthwhile, and something that they will thank you for in the longer term, you insist they practice, you persuade them to carry on ('just one more term/year/grade'). Sometimes you do have to go against your children's wishes in the cause of their best interests. They may not thank you for it, but hey ho, that's parenting.

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 22:14

I don't force mine to play their musical instruments either.

Beastofburden · 15/09/2014 22:21

A musical instrument is a bad example as it is not really fundamental. Hak, what about the shoplifting comparison?

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 22:25

Shoplifting is against the law. I am perfectly prepared to insist that my children don't break the law.

I suppose the best parallel I can think of is one of my children wanting to go to church. I can't imagine forbidding it. I wouldn't want them to-but it wouldn't be my decision, it would be theirs.

Discoflame · 15/09/2014 22:36

Fruityloop, haven't read all posts since this morning but the sport my DH had huge potential in was hockey! Weird! There are so few clubs and so few opportunities in this sport... It really upsets my husband that his parents couldn't make an exception to their faith for him to play the one sport he adored.

Hope your son does well Smile my DH is a coach now, it's a hard sport to get young people into.

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 22:40

Really Disco? Small world! I guess you can really understand the difficulty.

It is a fun sport, we even took both DSs to the Olympics to watch a few games.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 22:41

Front loopy since you're here- do you think I would be justified in forbidding my child to go to church if he wanted to because I am an atheist?

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 22:42

Hakluyt - I've said I'm not going to go into it anymore. It's not the purpose of this thread. If others want to keep it going with you that's up to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 22:45

And this time I'm going to try to stick with it. Wink

It is an interesting discussion, just not one that I'm for anymore right now I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 22:46

Not one that I'm UP for.... (sheesh!)

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 15/09/2014 22:51

Understood, fruit I will stop discussing it, even though I really only started it to say I could see your POV.

Discoflame · 15/09/2014 22:52

Oops sorry I misspelled your name totally! Sorry.

I've been kinda reading back through the thread and most things have already been said. But knowing what a small world hockey is, if he really loves it I would find a way to let him play if possible.

My DH could have played for his country. That's amazing. But his parents need for the church came first and he has always held it against them. They are not very nice people in other ways, different thread entirely, but DH always wonders how his life would have been, what he could have been part of, if he had only be allowed to go to the training.

I don't envy your decision, I always feel it must be nice to have such firm beliefs (personally I'm Christian but sway about with how strongly I believe) but seeing how strongly DH feels about missing out... Maybe you could find a way to make it work.

Discoflame · 15/09/2014 22:53

Would he be interested in ice hockey?? Similar game, more expensive kit mind you. But perhaps training and games on a Saturday? Could be worth looking into.

littledrummergirl · 15/09/2014 22:57

Glad to have been some help. You will probably find as they get older that it is always changing. Sometimes easier, sometimes harder but usually doable.

My three have been doing different clubs for 9 yrs now and we have managed every time- except for when ds2 wanted to do two activities that were at the same time. He had to choose, one of those activities is now changing its day so he will soon be able to do both.

Things have a habit of working out if they are meant to be.

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 23:03

Disco - DH did play internationally for his country at a junior level, but an injury stopped him.

I will find a way to make it work. It's just a juggle and a decision of what is sacrificed, and finding out what support I can access from others.

I just don't want DS2 to feel he is being penalised for DS1's sport.

Beastofburden - it's ok, thanks for trying to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 23:06

littledrummergirl - thank you, you've give me hope!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 23:08

Oh and ice hockey has never interested them. Which is a relief, that game REALLY looks aggressive. I'm going to have to grin and bare it through his rugby games at school as it is...... not sure how I'd survive watching him play ice hockey!!!

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/09/2014 23:09

I've had another thought!

How much actual hockey have the boys played? I've just remembered how much I loved the game at school until I got picked for some trial or other, played in the "trial match" and got hit by some girl on purpose despite what she said who was twice my size and ended up in A&E. After which I decided that a sport where the evil opposition had big sticks to hit you with just wasn't for me.

Still enjoyed pootling round the field with a stick and a ball but didn't want to play properly any more.

So perhaps don't think to far ahead.they may go off the game.

Discoflame · 15/09/2014 23:10

Lol until we had DD, DH played ice hockey and I used to struggle watching him! I must admit I wouldn't want my child playing! Wink

I hope you work it out Smile

vdbfamily · 15/09/2014 23:19

Hakluyt It is not just about what you would do if one of your children asked to go to Church,it's about what you would say if they wanted to go at a time when you and your whole family had always done something else they enjoyed,say footie season ticket holders or something.Would you change that for everyone, to indulge one child or would you try and find a compromise that keeps everyone happy.That is what OP is trying to find.

FannyBlott · 16/09/2014 00:52

Can't be arsed to read the whole thread so apologies if my post is no longer relevant but op, let him play the sport if that's what he wants.
I had a very strict Christian upbringing where I was not allowed to do anything on the Sabbath. And I mean anything. No sport, no clubs, not even friends birthday parties or shopping. Nothing at all except church.
I am not particularly religious now and don't attend church, I was very good at sport at school and also music but was unable to attend matches and performances on a Sunday as I wasn't allowed. This still upsets me a bit that I had to sacrifice my sport and music to attend a church I didn't even want to go to.
I don't see why you can't go to the 8am service instead and if you won't do that then it can't be that important. Don't make your son sacrifice something he enjoys for your religion.