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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is bu about splitting the cost of a holiday?

257 replies

LilacCroc · 13/09/2014 20:55

Not a typical AIBU, because I don't want to give away which 'side' i'm on, so that I get un-biased replies.

So the situation...a family of 4 (2 adults, 2 dc) are about to book a holiday. The cost is £500pp and because of free child places, 1 of their dc can go free, so total cost for them would be £1500.

Another couple, very close to the family (the dc's Godparents) will not have their own dc for that week as they are staying with their bio dad. So they put the feelers out about joining them on holiday, the family are more than happy and make them welcome. Fab.

So...now there are 6 people going, 4 adults and 2 dc, that means that overall they get 2 free childs places, so now both of the dc of the family can go free.

So the total cost of the holiday now, for all 6, is £2000.

The family think that each adult should now pay for themselves, £500 pp. The dc don't 'count' as they're both free.

The couple think this is unfair and that as the total cost for 6 people is £2000, the free childs places should be discounted and the total cost should be split 6 ways, with the couple paying £666 for 2 people and the family £1333 for 4 people (ish).

Who is right and who is bu?

OP posts:
TortillasAndChocolate · 13/09/2014 21:33

I agree with splitting the discount and if I was part of the family, I would feel uncomfortable taking the whole discount knowing the couple coming had saved us money, but we weren't going to let them benefit from it.

RandomMess · 13/09/2014 21:33

I don't understand why the couple would want to go on a holiday with dc whilst they don't have any dc Confused

MrsMarcJacobs · 13/09/2014 21:33

It's a bit cheap to think taking a family of 4 on holiday should cost the same as a couple going. Split the saving equally between the different parties.

DamnBamboo · 13/09/2014 21:34

OP, were you expecting your 2nd DC to be free then?

PersonOfInterest · 13/09/2014 21:35

If they come along they bring an added discount (and perhaps a pain in the ass). Everyone (including them) should benefit from this.

I just can't imagine why they'd want to go away with a family though. I love my Godchildren. Wouldn't want to spend a weeks holiday with them without my own though!!!

StrawberryMojito · 13/09/2014 21:35

I thought you were the godparents as you made the family sound presumptuous and the the couple sound hard done by.

What do you plan on doing?

TortillasAndChocolate · 13/09/2014 21:35

Although I've now read a couple of people's reasoning as to why the family should get the discount and it's swaying me a bit. This is tricky!

Janethegirl · 13/09/2014 21:36

If you can't agree before you go, don't go as a group. The family were quite happy to pay £1500, the couple would be £1000. Suggest the extra £500 the family were going to pay is put in a kitty for the benefit of all and the couple babysit for at least one night.

UterusUterusGhali · 13/09/2014 21:36

So these are your own DC's godparents?
And they'd begrudge their own GodC a free place?

Charming.Hmm

They'd pay the same amount anyway if they wanted to go. The cottage was presumably chosen as it offered child-free places?

FamilyANBU.

Hulababy · 13/09/2014 21:37

If you really do want to go and there is still the arguments of the cost. ..

Then the discount from 2 couple and 2 children = £500. So that should be split equally instead.

Couple = £750 - meaning a £250 discount
Family = £12500 - meaning a £250 discount

But tbh it still looks like a whole heap of issues to me.

MQv2 · 13/09/2014 21:38

Contestedsidewimder seems fairly spot on to me
Either way someone will be miffed. I disagree with her position but I can see her logic. So no matter how much it's rationalised both parties will think they're right, will see the others point, but will ultimately disagree.
Someone will feel like they were right but have had to accept the wrong decision.
I think family = tight
Others think
Couple = tight

Either way you're already at loggerheads

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 13/09/2014 21:38

But you are all sharing one cottage and you have 2/3 of the bedrooms whilst they have 1/3. So there is a logic for the two paying groups not to pay the same.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/09/2014 21:39

This was blindingly obvious to me on reading the op, and I was surprised it wasn't in your list of options. £250 discount each. That's simply the fairest financial way of doing it. I see lots of other posters have said this though, so I'm not really sure why I'm bothering to type.
As the family though, it's in your interest to be nice to the couple, ax you might get a night out with free babysitting.

PersonOfInterest · 13/09/2014 21:40

I'm a Godparent. I don't have hundreds of pounds to write off. Being a Godparent isn't about money.

Purpleroxy · 13/09/2014 21:41

The benefit is gained due to going as a 6.

Going as a 4 = £1500 (family)
Going as a 2 = £1000 (couple)
Altogether before discount = £2500
Therefore family cost = 60% of total
Couple cost = 40% of total

With the discount, the total is £2000. I think the ratios should remain the same. So family pay 60% of £2000 = £1200 and couple pay 40% of £2000 = £800. Everybody wins, but fairly. I think unreasonable for family to claim full "free" 2nd child benefit seeing as the benefit was won by adding the couple.

LemonBreeland · 13/09/2014 21:42

Personally I feel if the couple are wanting to go then they should pay the coet it actually is. They were the ones who asked to go.

I do get that the £250 discount each is fair, but the family did not ask these people to join them, so I would be thinking pay or fuck off!

Original poster
LilacCroc · 13/09/2014 21:42

OP, were you expecting your 2nd DC to be free then?

Yeah, we kind of did...when we were searching the holiday deal again to add on our friends, a pop up came up '2 kids go free!' wheras previously it had been just one. So dh and I just kind of went 'Oh, that makes it easy £500 pp for those that are chargeable'...

When we told our friends it worked out £500 per adult and the kids were free, we said we'd buy a nice meal, maybe on the last night as there was now the extra free child place.

The dh came at it a bit 'bull-at-a-gate' tbh and jumped straight in with how that wasn't fair, there were 2 free places on this holiday and the discount for that should be shared between us all. It hadn't even really occurred to us that they may feel that way and took us aback.

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 13/09/2014 21:42

you should stay separate as this is not a good omen!

if it is a cottage, i would prob expect to pay 2/3 1/3 split
but if i was booking a hotel deal and noticed i could get a free child place for a friend, i would do it without expecting a discount. obv though i would expect child to actually sleep i n parents room in that case

MQv2 · 13/09/2014 21:44

So then say no

Don't say yes because it's financially preferable but they don't really want them

They're very free to say "we actually wanted a family fat away"

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/09/2014 21:45

What HerRoyal said; 5 way split.

It shouldn't even be expected by the family of 4 adults that somebody else will pick up the tab just by dint of going on the holiday too. That's so grasping, regardless of the relationships. Wait for something to be offered - and don't take offence if it isn't.

Godparents should find another holiday that they will enjoy and not go with the family. There seems to be much expectation from the family.

Letthemtalk · 13/09/2014 21:46

Agree that the second child discount should be split between you both, you party £1250, they pay £750. You'd have to pay full for your second child if they weren't coming. I'd still use the £250 you're saving for a meal out.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/09/2014 21:48

...or a 2/3 split with family paying that. Lots of posts whilst I was typing.

I wouldn't ever go on holiday with family, however distant. It's just not worth it.

museumum · 13/09/2014 21:49

My immediate instinct without reading all the others would be to say "oh additional free child place, that saves £x, split the saving 50/50 between each family."
But I am mystified as to why a couple who had the chance for a child free holiday would want to go with somebody else's children - godparents or not!!!

Panzee · 13/09/2014 21:49

Agree with everyone who says don't go with them. If you can't agree before you go...

Original poster
LilacCroc · 13/09/2014 21:52

Splitting the extra place had kind of been mentioned. When it became clear they weren't happy, my dh (who hates conflict of any kind) mentioned that as they were 'causing' the £500 discount, we should take £250 each making the split £750/£1250.

The other dh then had a lightbulb moment and said that actually, if we were going to be really fair, we were going to this place anyway and were planning on spending £1500, so as they were only going to be adding £500 to the overall price, so maybe they should actually only pay £500 total.

DH said no way was that fair, and it kind of didn't get mentioned again, and went back to the original debate.

OP posts: