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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think 2 and a half is too old for a dummy?

128 replies

Discopanda · 12/09/2014 10:01

Disclaimer- this is largely based on my own opinion, I just want to know if I should have a tactful word with the other mum or am just being a snob.

A girl I used to work with has a baby 3 weeks younger than mine so is now 2 and a half, she posts pictures of absolutely everything on Facebook and, no word of a lie, I have maybe seen 3-4 photos of him out of hundreds without a dummy. This kid CONSTANTLY has a dummy in his mouth; he's playing- dummy in the mouth, he's smiling- dummy in the mouth, he's sat in front of the TV- dummy in the mouth. I have no problem with dummies in general, they can be an absolute life saver for younger babies, mine had one but gave them up of her own accord at 10 months but my HV told me that a dummy should just be a last resort if they're upset as it can slow down speech and emotional development if you depend on them (because baby isn't expressing themselves and just being placated).

From what she's shared on FB it's quite obvious that he's behind on his speech for his age. WIBU to bring it up when I next see her and maybe suggest that they try cutting down on the dummy?

OP posts:
rebelfor · 12/09/2014 10:06

I wouldn't really like my child to have a dummy at that age, but I'd be seriously pissed off with somebody giving me advice on how to parent my child.

PetiteRaleuse · 12/09/2014 10:06

Ywbvu. It really is none of your business. Even as a well intentioned comment it would come across as judgemental. As it kinda is judgemental.

Mrsjayy · 12/09/2014 10:06

Tactful word id tell you to mind your own. Do you think a 2 year old is to old for a teddy or a comfort blanket or twiddi, ing with their hair or a thumb all things used by children for comfort a dummy is no different

clairewitchproject · 12/09/2014 10:06

I wouldn't consider it any of my business, it's not like he's 15 and using a dummy. IF the parent asked I would maybe mention something about research showing a link between toddlers who have a dummy a lot of the time and slower speech development, but I wouldn't have 'a word' unless you want to seriously piss her off.

FWIW all my 4 kids had dummies until around their 3rd birthday, all gave them up very easily at around that age because they were ready. They were pretty proficient at speaking round the dummy and have had no long term ill effects.

wigglesrock · 12/09/2014 10:07

Yes, you're being a snob. Only one of mine used a dummy, I think she stopped of her own accord when she was about 3. However well intentioned you think you're being - you're not. In this case it really is none of your business.

PassTheCremeEggs · 12/09/2014 10:07

Difficult to see this thread ending well. I think YABU. Personally I wouldn't want my two year old to have a dummy but it makes no odds to me if someone else's two year old does. I can't see why the child's mother would thank you for mentioning it - it would likely come across as you being a bit superior.

PassTheCremeEggs · 12/09/2014 10:08

X post with everyone!

AntoinetteCosway · 12/09/2014 10:08

Yes, you would be unreasonable. I'm sure they have their own HV and GP.

KissMyFatArse · 12/09/2014 10:10

I hate seeing kids that age with dummies and there's someone similar who posts pics and dummy is constantly in mouth.

However.... That's my secret judgey pants moment and I wouldn't say that to the mum! None of my business and what she allows is up to her.

Mrsjayy · 12/09/2014 10:11

My dd had a dummy I didnt let her talk with it in speech was fine she was 4 before she gave it up at night how other parent s chose to handle their children and dummies is up to then many many children are late talkers regardless of dummies

BreconBeBuggered · 12/09/2014 10:12

I wouldn't suggest anything of the sort. I would never have noticed it as unusual, and I don't have a death wish. What would you say when she inevitably asked you who the fuck you think you are? Or, if the mother is more refined than that, are you prepared to have your own parenting style called into question?

SaucyJack · 12/09/2014 10:16

Only one of mine used a dummy and she was by far the happiest and the most advanced with her speech.

iK8 · 12/09/2014 10:17

How exactly do you feel qualified to comment? You sound like an interfering know it all. Sorry.

LadyLuck10 · 12/09/2014 10:18

Why is it any of your business? Really you shouldn't offer any advice.

MillyONaire · 12/09/2014 10:20

I really don't know why it's anyone's business but the parents. It's a comfort thing and if that child needs that comfort who are you to say they should have to learn to do without before they're ready. Old biddies commenting on my child's (or anyone else's child's) dummy usage really ticks me off. Butt out!

Flexly · 12/09/2014 10:20

It took 6 months for my DD to finally relinquish her dummy. She was 3. I hated the dummy but I'd have hated it even more if a work colleague thought it appropriate to lecture me on it.
YABU.

Finola1step · 12/09/2014 10:20

It's not your place to point out what is essentially your judgement of her parenting.

gemdrop84 · 12/09/2014 10:20

Dd had a dummy until she was nearly 4, it was her one comfort as a baby and toddler. She only had it at bed/nap time ir when she was poorly and was a good talker so it never bothered me. They're small for such a short time I find it hard to judge any kid with a dummy!

WowserBowser · 12/09/2014 10:21

Bloody hell. Who cares.

Username12345 · 12/09/2014 10:21

I hate seeing kids with dummies.

But agree you should stay out of it and judge silently instead Wink

lylasmam2012 · 12/09/2014 10:23

My 2 year old still has a dummy (dodie) for bed and naptime and whenever she's out of sorts and is an absolutely fantastic talker. I do think they should just be for comfort, but would never ever ever in a million years take it upon myself to offer any kind of unsolicited advice to any parent ever!

fellowes · 12/09/2014 10:24

i wouldnt say anything to the parents , but i do worry when i see it ,i know what my dd went through to get her teeth sorted as a teen .

Mammuzzamia · 12/09/2014 10:25

We saw an eight year old with a dummy a couple of weeks ago. People were whispering and being horribly judgemental with 'but he looks normal' comments.

I don't care, is my simple answer, OP. I've never used dummies with babies personally, though. They give it up eventually, usually...

ShadowStar · 12/09/2014 10:26

YABU.

FWIW, I don't particularly like seeing kids of that age constantly with dummies either, but it's none of my business. Just like it's none of yours.

Laquila · 12/09/2014 10:28

I think you're well-intentioned, OP, but ultimately misguided :)

Whilst I appreciate that you think she might not be aware of the possible link between dummy use and slow speech/emotional development (I've never seen any hard and fast scientific evidence of this, btw), I suspect it will still come across as judgemental and she's probably already got in-laws/CMs/HVs/other well-intentioned friends decrying the use of a dummy as A Terrible Thing. So to sum up: YABU.