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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think 2 and a half is too old for a dummy?

128 replies

Discopanda · 12/09/2014 10:01

Disclaimer- this is largely based on my own opinion, I just want to know if I should have a tactful word with the other mum or am just being a snob.

A girl I used to work with has a baby 3 weeks younger than mine so is now 2 and a half, she posts pictures of absolutely everything on Facebook and, no word of a lie, I have maybe seen 3-4 photos of him out of hundreds without a dummy. This kid CONSTANTLY has a dummy in his mouth; he's playing- dummy in the mouth, he's smiling- dummy in the mouth, he's sat in front of the TV- dummy in the mouth. I have no problem with dummies in general, they can be an absolute life saver for younger babies, mine had one but gave them up of her own accord at 10 months but my HV told me that a dummy should just be a last resort if they're upset as it can slow down speech and emotional development if you depend on them (because baby isn't expressing themselves and just being placated).

From what she's shared on FB it's quite obvious that he's behind on his speech for his age. WIBU to bring it up when I next see her and maybe suggest that they try cutting down on the dummy?

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/09/2014 10:29

Are you her HV/GP or speech therapist?

If so go for it, if not then don't be such an arse

cherrybombxo · 12/09/2014 10:33

I used a dummy until I was 2 and only stopped using it because my mum threw it out. My brother didn't take to a dummy but he sucked his first and middle fingers until he was 16. Pick your battles.

Fairylea · 12/09/2014 10:34

My son is 2.3 and he still has a dummy. Mainly for sleeping - he naps 2 hours a day and sleeps 12 hours a night. So no way am I messing with that if a dummy helps him to sleep! He doesn't have it during the day much but if he's upset or stressed I might let him have it. Why not? He won't be having it when he's 18.

Let babies and toddlers be babies and toddlers. Don't say anything. If he has speech problems its up to her to get the help for him, having a dummy may not be the cause of the speech delay.

Notso · 12/09/2014 10:34

I would be pissed off if you spoke to me about this. Are you sure his speech is delayed? There is a wide range of normal at this age. Even if his speech is affected surely the relevant professionals will advise them.
I wonder what position you would be in if your DC hadn't given up theirs of their own accord. Only one of mine did this and it wasn't until he was 3.

crje · 12/09/2014 10:38

Yanbu but say nothing

My neighbous 6yr old has one ,his teeth are really protruding and he has a bad lisp as a result.
I think its neglect tbh they just want a quiet life .
They work in eduation

DancingDinosaur · 12/09/2014 10:40

Mine had them until 3. I would not be polite to someone had they had a 'tactful' word with me about it thats for sure.

MsAnthropic · 12/09/2014 10:44

YWBU to bring it up. It's none of your business.

I personally don't like seeing toddlers in their mouths constantly, however that's my personal aesthetic (or whatever else) preference and it's not harmful for many children. I'd go spare if anyone decided to have a word about my parenting, so I extend others the same respect and just think "each to their own".

halfacup · 12/09/2014 10:51

YABU . My daughter only gave up her dummy at 4 after much encouragement, it made her happy and content. She is now a confident, intelligent 20 year. In the great scheme of things it really does not matter and you should forget about it.

Fenton · 12/09/2014 10:57

Oh dear no, I really really wouldn't say anything if I were you.

The only way you could possibly pass comment is if she point blank asked you the direct question, which is unlikely.

firstchoice · 12/09/2014 11:05

Would you comment on a 2.5 yr old with a thumb in it's mouth?

If no, then you have your answer.

If yes, then - pfff!

ShelleyGal · 12/09/2014 11:09

My 3yo has dummy at bedtime, she willingly hands it over in the morning. She speaks well, her teeth are perfectly aligned. YABU, it's not your place to comment/judge anyone else's parenting regardless of dubious 'research' into dummy usage links.

MissBeans · 12/09/2014 11:18

My 2.5yo is bf. Do you have a problem with that too, OP? It's really none of your business... YABVU!

poolomoomon · 12/09/2014 11:21

My mum tried to take my dummies away when I was about two or three but when I went to see my Dad he would give me one and send me home with some in my bag telling me to hide them under my pillow Grin. I got away with it until I was five! I used to have one dummy in my mouth and one in each hand to rub my cheeks... And as much as I hate saying this line "never did me any harm". Perfect teeth, perfect speech and I'm the picture of health Wink.

So yabu. Children have all kinds of comforters, it's a normal part of development. Would you be so judgy about a soft toy or blanket they carried around everywhere?

furcoatbigknickers · 12/09/2014 11:25

Mind your own business. My ds will still have his dummy then. I'd like to see evidence backing up what hv said.

MammaTJ · 12/09/2014 11:45

At this age I started telling my DDs that dummies were only for at home, then we progressed to only for sleep!

YABU!

DialsMavis · 12/09/2014 11:54

YABU, my nearly 4 year old sucks her thumb... Shall I give her a thumbectomy?

GiveTwoSheets · 12/09/2014 12:00

Put it this way if you choose to have a tactful word with me for using a dummy I would of tactfully told you to pissoff.

My dentist told me only reason why my then 3year old teeth didnt smash or go back into gums was because she had dummy in at time she fell of kerb.

Neither my kids have speech problems due to dummy and eldest has perfect set of nashers.

gamerchick · 12/09/2014 12:08

Yep mind your neb OP.. its nothing to do with you.

hiccupgirl · 12/09/2014 12:14

YABU but it's easy to see why if your child easily gave up their dummy at 10 months.

Mine was a dummy monster at 2.5 - given half a chance it was in his mouth all the time and I have loads of pictures of him with the dummy in. After 3 he was much better at only having it to sleep.

Tbh I would have said something very rude to anyone who had tried to 'advise' me about him still having a dummy at 2.5. I was perfectly aware it wasn't a good thing but after some days of 5+ hours of screaming tantrums! the dummy was a godsend.

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before judging and all that OP.

SweetsForMySweet · 12/09/2014 12:19

YABU. Your colleague doesn't need to be told. she probably already knows and told on a regular basis. Telling her will probably just make her feel bad about it and whether you intend to or not, make you look like you're being the snobby know it all. My dc has a dummy, it was a case of give a dummy or be the dummy equivalent. I got lots of judgy comments (and still do) even though it's only used at bedtime now. My dc is happy & healthy, to me that's what matters most.

Marshy · 12/09/2014 12:24

And this is your business because.....?

halestone · 12/09/2014 12:28

I know a person like this but i have just hid them so i don't see any of their posts on facebook. As its her life, her child and her decision.

Original poster
Discopanda · 12/09/2014 12:36

Thank you for your opinions BUT my main point was that he always has the dummy, even if he isn't upset, I can understand a 2 year old having a comforter IF they're actually upset.

OP posts:
littlejohnnydory · 12/09/2014 12:39

YANBU about the dummy, YWBU to say anything!

theendoftheendoftheend · 12/09/2014 12:43

If she ASKS your opinion by all means tell her it but why on earth would you go out of your way to do so?
Maybe you should take up a new hobby?

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