AIBU to think 2 and a half is too old for a dummy?

[Discopanda]

Disclaimer- this is largely based on my own opinion, I just want to know if I should have a tactful word with the other mum or am just being a snob.

A girl I used to work with has a baby 3 weeks younger than mine so is now 2 and a half, she posts pictures of absolutely everything on Facebook and, no word of a lie, I have maybe seen 3-4 photos of him out of hundreds without a dummy. This kid CONSTANTLY has a dummy in his mouth; he's playing- dummy in the mouth, he's smiling- dummy in the mouth, he's sat in front of the TV- dummy in the mouth. I have no problem with dummies in general, they can be an absolute life saver for younger babies, mine had one but gave them up of her own accord at 10 months but my HV told me that a dummy should just be a last resort if they're upset as it can slow down speech and emotional development if you depend on them (because baby isn't expressing themselves and just being placated).

From what she's shared on FB it's quite obvious that he's behind on his speech for his age. WIBU to bring it up when I next see her and maybe suggest that they try cutting down on the dummy?

Some kids carry a comfort with them and they are not upset its a comfort I thought you were concerned by the speech its really because you think it looks bad

"BUT my main point was that he always has the dummy, even if he isn't upset"

And the main point of almost everyone on this thread is it's not your business.

So what was exactly the point of canvassing opinions, if you're going to qualify them all with a "but" and not reconsider it?

Mine gave hers up at 4 2 days before her birthday her speech is perfect and she is bilingual.

Turn the situation around - how would you feel if your friend approaches you and says that she's been concerned for some time about the way you are bringing up your child, and that she thinks you should parent him / her a bit differently.

Would you accept her concern / criticism and take her comments and suggestions on board? if you would be comfortable with this, then go ahead and bring it up with her; you obviously have a close relationship in which you can raise such concerns about each others parenting styles.

if you would not be happy for her do to so to you - then don't do it to her.

No matter what your concern is, it is absolutely none of your business.

My 2yo DS still has a dummy for naps and nighttime but will battle me all day for it. Weirdly, when he goes to nursery he has free access to it but gives it to his key worker.

YABU for taking so much interest in the lives of others. And for thinking that HV word is golden.

stay out of it.

it may cause speech problems. I've often heard kids talking round dummies and ITCHED to say 'take that out of your mouth and I might understand you'. But you can't say that.

it may distort teeth, same as thumb sucking.

but that is for professionals to advise.

Mind your own business.

I agree with you about dummies (friend has a 2yo with a dummy permanently lodged in his mouth - his speech really isn't great for his age) but I wouldn't say anything. Although if you two happen to chat about his speech some time it might be good to mention it in a gentle way as one possible cause. Or if you can do it in a nice way share something like this online (mentions dummies):

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/helping-your-childs-speech.aspx

Yup, another dummy-permitting parent here. Eldest DD is 2.9 and absolutely LOVES her dummy. It is a great source of comfort for her. We've spoken to her about giving it up in time for her third birthday.

On the other hand, my six month old had absolutely no interest on them and so has not used a dummy at all - she sucks her thumb for comfort. Obviously, to tie in with your logic i'll chop her thumb off in due course.

If you spoke to me about your faux concerns i would tell you to fuck off to the far side of fuck, to be honest. Surely you have better things to do than get your knockers in a twist about a two year olds comfort methods?!

Hell hath no fury like a mother critiqued on her parenting choices, OP...

Argh. I meant to also add that my little darling has advanced speech for her age. So there!

I would say something - as she doesn't seem to be a close friend just someone you used to work with than maybe a post of Facebook would be best.

Do let us know how that goes...

Nah.....still can't see why it's any of your business.

Do you think she is short of parenting advice? Times may have changed since mine were little but way back then it used to come in from all directions.

She is just making different choices to you and she's completely free to do that so if I was you I'd but out. Your choice obvs, and you did ask for opinions!

None of your business

Special something
I do say something like that! Is that bad? If they are old enough to talk it only seems polite to try to understand them!
My eldest wouldn't touch a dummy, my secondborn had one and it worked wonders for his reflux, as comfort feeding on boob made it worse. I remember saying at the time 'I'll regret this when he's three but right now its totally worth it!'. He's only just one, so time will tell.

YABU, mind your own business, its not up to you. My dd who has ASD and dev delays now 7, when she was a baby and toddler she constantly had a dummy. It was a bloody lifesaver, it used to calm her down, and helped her when she had a mealtdown. On the face of it, she looked normal, but she has a hidden disability. I gave up the dummy for her when she was just turned 3, as she kept chewing them, and they were costing a fortune.

I have a 6 year old who sucks her thumb, her clothes and, until she had it cut, her hair. I bloody wish she'd taken a dummy that I could have taken away at the point that was right for her. She could talk for England though.

I'm so bloody frustrated with my DD that I couldn't judge the mum in your OP.

I had a friend once who used to interpret what her dd was saying around her dummy instead of making her take it out, she was 4, I did think that should have been dealt with, but I wouldn't ever have said anything, it's nothing to do with me.

Same as watching someone give their kids coke,I wince when I see it, but it's up to them.

Cola, bastard, or do you move in very dodgy circles?

I'm not a fan of dummies and didn't use them for either of mine, but for those who do use them I wouldn't consider 2.5 to be too old at all. IMO 2.5 is still incredibly little and like pp said, it is just particular type of comforter.

My niece had a dummy in all the time until over the age of 3 I think, from an outside perspective I personally didn't like it, but I was not privy to how it had become so important to her, or how badly she would be affected by its withdrawal, so it would have been completely inappropriate to stick my oar in. Her parents weaned her from it when they thought she was ready.

Now she is 8, speaks well, does well at school...I have to say I file it under 'stuff that doesn't really matter'. My DH had a dummy until he was 4, I wish I had such perfect teeth.

Likewise, my ds breastfed at night until he was around 2.5, I'm sure people who didn't choose to breastfeed might have found it odd, but the needs of the child are more important than the opinions of others who know very little about that child.

You're right, she should stop soon. I have a permanent overbite now because I still had one as a preschooler. They disfigure your soft palate, so even when you get adult teeth they still grow funny.

However, I'm sure her own HV or dentist could tell her that and I'm not sure I would interfere.

I have found this thread weirdly comforting. I have felt stupidly guilty for giving dd a dummy for naps and a few other situations. It's really not a big deal is it? I feel a bit silly now.

Dd is only 11months by the way.