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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So DS brought home a massive TURD in his book bag!

139 replies

PixieHollowDweller · 11/09/2014 16:34

He started Reception on Tuesday. He's 4.1 years. Can't remember his last poo accident like this since he was potty trained at just 3.

He was given clean pants but obviously no help to clean up as those were massively stained as well and he stank, bless him.

His pants were in a plastic bag with a full sized poo in them that had been there since lunchtime.

AIBU to think this was unhygienic and they could have at least tipped it into the loo or got him to. If they'D contacted me I could have been there in 5 minutes. Bit pissed off tbh.

OP posts:
FindoGask · 11/09/2014 19:57

Sparkly that's awful. I had horrific periods at that age. I remember the second one I ever had, I locked myself in the loo for a whole lunch break and was convinced I was bleeding to death.

Sparklypants · 11/09/2014 19:58

I would be fuming if my ds(3) came home like that.

Definitely ask to see the schools policy on this and consider moving him. Your poor DS Sad

hollie84 · 11/09/2014 20:00

I'd make a massive fuss if this happened to DS. They should have either cleaned him up themselves or called you to.

There is nothing to stop teachers/TAs from helping children in the toilet, cleaning them up or hugging them if they are upset. If your school has it's own policy against this I would question the head about it.

ebwy · 11/09/2014 20:01

my little boy came home with a poo in a bag on his first day last week. it and his pants were clingfilmed and put in his bag.

I threw poo, pants, and clingfilm in the bin. I disinfected the bag. The pants he changed into (I send a full change in with him in case) had a lot of skids but there had been some attempt (presumably by him, first time ever!) to clean up.

Apparently it happened just after he got his dinner and by the time he was clean-ish and changed his class was finished with dinner so he didn't get to eat it :(

Iggly · 11/09/2014 20:08

Threads like this want me to home school.

Please come down hard on this school. I dread to think what they do to other kids.

dietcokeandwine · 11/09/2014 20:08

OP this sounds utterly horrendous on every count!

Do you really not have any other school options at all?

The refusing to let you look round - bad enough. But the not allowing parents onto school grounds-for an infant school I dont even think this is legal?? My understanding is that infant aged children have to be delivered to and collected from the classroom door and can't just be dropped at the gate. Are they seriously expecting new reception children to make their way in on their own?

Given that your DC is only 4.1 and doesn't even legally need to be in school yet I'd be strongly tempted to remove him, write to head/chair of governors to complain re the poo incident, and refer to ofsted. I am sure what they're doing re not allowing onto school grounds can't be right.

scratchandsniff · 11/09/2014 20:13

I would be livid. It's a sad state of affairs if teachers or teaching assistants are too scared or not allowed to assist a child of that age after soiling themselves. Also it wouldn't have taken much effort to clean out the pants. Definitely go to the headteacher about this. I remember accidents happening at primary school. The child would be taken off and properly cleaned up. Children in reception class are going to have accidents, measures should be in place to deal with them properly.

I hope your DS wasn't too upset by events.

tethersend · 11/09/2014 20:18

NUT guidance on toileting issues at school

Eauneau · 11/09/2014 20:19

Argh, reading his thread and am horrified! I am a teacher but teach slightly older kids so have only had to deal with this once ok it was my TA who actually 'dealt' with it

AFAIK the poo was flushed down the loo, the pants bagged and then the child's mother informed at home time. Two TAs dealt with it together, although I guess being an older child it was more of a 'special case' whereas this sort of thing must happen a lot in Reception? I just can't believe they sent the whole poo home in the book bag!

Also I have a DS who will be starting school next year having just turned 4 - he is fairly well toilet trained now but in the event of an accident do a lot of schools really phone the parents to come and clean it up? My husband works am hour away and obviously I would be in class myself - would we be expected to drop everything to deal with a poo?!

BitOutOfPractice · 11/09/2014 20:23

Oh your poor DS OP Sad

I hope he's OK

Purpleroxy · 11/09/2014 20:44
Shock My ds pants were quite rightly binned at school when he did this.
soapboxqueen · 11/09/2014 21:01

I would suspect that rather than an adult deliberately wrapping up the poo, your ds has just been given a bag and told to put his dirty things in it. Then told to clean himself up.

It isn't acceptable either way but I suspect that is what has happened.

You need to complain and ask to see their policy on such incidents. For the most part staff are not heartless. They are often given incorrect information by slt, not given the correct supplies to deal with issues and told that it is against school policy.

I've had to buy my own wipes and gloves etc as they weren't provided by the school.

Nicola19 · 11/09/2014 21:18

My god, how would those teachers have liked being made to carry their own poo home in their handbag?

CharlotteWasBoth · 11/09/2014 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

LynetteScavo · 11/09/2014 21:38

Are you sure the poo could be put down the loo, or was it really stuck to the pants?

I know someone well offwho got quite cross when a relative binned their child's poo pants, so I guess different people have different views on these things.

At least it was in his book bag and he wasn't sent out carrying the bag of shame in his hand.

BlinkingHeck · 11/09/2014 21:48

I'd be so upset if this had happened to my child. Poor little man.
What on earth happened to common sense?
I was a child minder and wouldn't have dreamt of leaving a reception age child in that state. (Or any other age)
You just clean them up it is bloody common sense. I was in a much more vulnerable position as a lone worker carrying out intimate care.

I'd be taking the turd into the head teachers office and asking them how acceptable they think it is to send this home in a book bag. How fucking disrespectful.

Original poster
PixieHollowDweller · 11/09/2014 22:56

Thank you so much for the general consensus that IANBU. I have put a long note in his homebook for his teacher as I think in should go through her first. It was actually an LSA who wrote the note in his book and it referred to 'wet' clothes being in his bag not that I had been gifted a massive poo!

I am trying to not make too much of an issue of it with DS but he brought it up himself as I was reading his bedtime story and said the toilets weren't 'fresh' at school. When I asked him what he meant he said they were dirty with wee on the seats and poo that needed to be flushed. On his first day he said he had not been to the toilet and as DS can go for long periods of time without going to the loo and I worry that he holds on for too long I put a note in for the teacher asking if they were reminded and she said they were. I think he didn't go the loo because he doesn't like the look of them.

Are primary school loos generally manky? Anyone know if they check them at intervals?

OP posts:
lemonfolly · 11/09/2014 23:04

Poor mite! Poor you!

....but i reckon you'll be retelling this story when he's 30 after Christmas dinner! Grin

Waltonswatcher · 11/09/2014 23:12

School loos are notoriously skank .

My kids only ever went /go in a dire emergency . They run down the lane from the bus and burst through the back door and race to the cloakroom .
It's fairly common for kids to not go all day at school .

Original poster
PixieHollowDweller · 11/09/2014 23:28

Tbh I have already put 3 DC through primary school and I don't remember any of them raising the issue of dirty school loos. Secondary ones yes. DS never had any toilet issues at nursery either.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 12/09/2014 05:14

My DD's school loos are very clean, the school insists on it. My Dsis refuses to go to the school loos at secondary, she says they are pretty rank.

Ledkr · 12/09/2014 07:14

Our kids are expected to start school so young in the uk and yet we tie ourselves up with silly rules which make it impossible for staff to deal with the possible needs of such a young child.
Similar happened to my ds years ago, his big brother found him crying in the toilets trying to clean himself with paper towels and a grumpy ta. I also got a bag of shit home.
I changed schools soon after.

Balaboosta · 12/09/2014 07:26

Complain complain complain.
Epic childcare fail.

Balaboosta · 12/09/2014 07:26

(Complain to the school I mean!)

Balaboosta · 12/09/2014 07:28

There was a campaign a while back to improve school loos. You might find some useful stuff about what the school is "allowed" to do online. And bring it to the school's attention.