Aibu or is mil?

[CatThiefKeith]

I work Fridays and Saturdays. I used to work every Saturday and Sunday, and dh looked after dd but we had very little family time, so I swapped, and Mil offered to have dd on a Friday. All good, except mil is a very nervous driver and lives 30 miles away, so I have to leave by 6.30, then drive back to work, which is 10 mins from my house, then back to collect dd. We usually get home around 7, dd is starving, it's a nightmare.

Dd started playschool every morning this week, she is 3, and used to attend two mornings per week. Her best friends gran (her parents are deceased) has offered to collect dd from school every Friday and keep her til I finish. In return I will have her dd on a Monday so she can go to a club associated with her hobby.

She lives in the next road, I have known her since the girls were 6 months old and trust her completely.

Mil has gone mental.

She feels used, thinks I am being selfish and putting pressure on her to drive on the motorway, and am exposing dd to unhealthy living arrangements. (Apparently being bought up by dgp's is unnatural, and the woman's husband could be a paedophile)

So frustrated. This new arrangement would be so much easier, and mil is forever complaining that she is spending her retirement babysitting. (She has sils dd 2 days a week too)

Aibu to stick to my guns?

And she knows that. Which is why she will be waiting for 'im sorry MIL, you're so great with DD, lets go back to the original plan...blah blah blah'

She has the saturday night as a hold over you. She is blackmailing you!

She sounds bonkers.

I'd just text her saying 'ok, no problem'

Don't let her know you're bothered.
She sounds like she thrives on the drama.

CatTheifKeith - Was JustWhen, just name changed...
Probably because on the internet just like in RL I have a great knack of putting my Foot in IT! Sorry matie! Its just I have always thought of messaging you that whenever I have read your name cos it makes me smile...
I was A Message to You Rudie before, perhaps the message should be don't post,,, lol

Let MIL sulk, that way you'll be free of her for a while!

I'm probably being a bit dense but I don't understand how any of the new, perfectly sensible arrangement puts pressure on your mil to drive on the motorway?
Anyway, yanbu. Obviously.

Saturday night is a small sacrifice for sending her a strong message!

Get your dh to deal with her. That's undoubtedly the best way.
Tell him everything when he comes in.

Wow, what a crazy bitch!
Ok, if it suits her you just look for someone else to baby sit. She's only hurting herself with her teenager attitude

Oh and I love Batshit, isn't everyone's MIL Batshit Crazy?
We could swap her for mine but I guarantee you would want to swap back, mine doesn't DO babysitting, she has a life to live you know.... [M&S,NEXT,etc]

Just one response. 'k'.

My first thought is 6.30am to 7pm must be a very long day for your daughter. Surely MIL can see why if you have an alternative to that you would take it and that it isn't a reflection on her?

She doesn't sound very reasonable but if you completely want to salve your conscience (not that you need to!) reassure her that she will still get to see DD regularly.

I remember your other thread too.
She's a proper knob

She's a charmer isn't she?

What. A. Cowbag.

Please send Toffee's response - the only way to diffuse her "power" is to make it very clear she has none. Wind out of her sails and job done!

Just send "ok no problem", don't engage.

She is a nasty woman who moans whatever you do. You can't win. Don't bother with the battle, leave it to DH.

It all sounds very wearing.

YANBU.

MIL sounds toxic. I would also send the "Paedo gran can babysit so no worries" text.

What a horrible woman, I wouldn't want her anywhere near my DC with an attitude like that.

Aa another who remembers your previous thread I think it is fair to say that if your MIL is pee'd off then you have probably behaved very reasonably/normally!

She is utterly batshit

Is there no one who can babysit for you even if you have to pay? Other parents who would be prepared to do a reciprocal arrangement? Local trusted teenager?

Whatever you do, make sure you're not pacifying mil to get her to change her mind.

TimBurgess. It's ok, honest! We don't think she had a very nice early life, but she had a lovely few months with us, snoozing on the bed, and then passed away in her sleep one night.

I'm apparently putting pressure on her to drive as I said it would be better this way, dd could go to preschool every day.

This has translated in Mils head as "you should drive over and pick dd up from preschool every Friday, then take her home and I will pick her up from your house as usual"

So you were driving 120 miles for a day's babysitting, and she's offended because you wanted to stop? The woman's mad. Point out it's not good for her granddaughter to have to drive 60 miles when there's an alternative available.

About 110. Works about 5 miles away, but yes, you get the drift!

We usually get home around 7, dd is starving, it's a nightmare why is MIL giving the girl something to EAT fgs?

You MUST relieve this old bat of her hostage taking babysitting duties.

let her cancel on you and get a babysitter for saturday. stop engaging with this emotional terrorist.

your gut tells you that phone call was about you, so stop pandering to this vicious old woman.

she's not a friend to you, she won't be a friend to your relationship with either your OH or your DD.

Right. Have spoken to dh. Mil was supposed to have dd overnight, and we were going to go into town.

Now, we will go out for something to eat, with dd, then dh is going to go down the pub, and I am going to stay home with dd. It was my suggestion, and he really does deserve a night out.

And I've sent Mil a text saying "ok no worries"

Your MIL is bonkers and being pissy. Don't engage.

Ooh, x-posted. She will be SO hacked off!!

I wish I could see her face